Post # 1
Darling Husband and I got married in December and our families leave overseas. His family ( mother and sister) plans on visiting and attending DH’s graduation ceremony. The history with his family isn’t too good because they didn’t support Darling Husband during our wedding and made a lot of promises that weren’t kept and I had to spend $10k to cover their portion. In our culture, the groom and his family pay for the wedding but in this case I ended up doing 90% of it because of their lack of action.
I have been asking my Darling Husband for months how long they were staying and he kept dragging his feet. apparently his mom told some family members that she was staying with us for SIX weeks. I brought it up to Darling Husband and he knew nothing. Darling Husband and I agreed on no more than four weeks but I changed my mind and I don’t want them here for longer than three weeks. Darling Husband doesn’t want to tell them about the no more than three weeks timeline and that’s pissing me off. The only time we disagree is usually because of his family and I don’t want them in our space too long. We are still trying to figure each other out and I don’t think having a trigger under our roof for so long is a good idea.
I’m thinking about staying at a friend’s house if things get too overwhelming after they get here.What do you think? Am I overacting?
Post # 2
6 weeks!?!?!?! That is a long time! Your hubby needs to talk to them and figure out a plan. Have they already bought their return tickets? Will they be with you all the time or splitting the time between other relatives homes? Maybe lay down some ground rules that can take some of the stress off of you, like they should have their own transportation and plans of places to go sightseeing or such where you don’t have to take them everywhere. I would plan for some family meals but make it so you don’t have to cook for them 3 meals a day, waiting on them hand and foot for 6 weeks.
Post # 3
Could you host them for one week, and find a short-term rental for the rest of their stay?
Post # 4
Because they are overseas, I think that their timeline if they want to stay 4 weeks is totally reasonable. They might as well get their plane tickets worth and they are already disrupting their work and regular lives to visit. Plus how often does your husband see his family? You shouldn’t cut his time with them short just because you might feel uncomfortable.
I wouldn’t bring up the possibility of escaping to your husband. It would upset him and I don’t think you’ll necessarily need to do it. I have had overseas family stay with us for a month. It was awkward but both my aunt and I (I was then unemployed) were able to avoid each other pretty easily. If my aunt and I can avoid each other while in the house all day, it shouldn’t bee that hard if you are employed.
Post # 5
I have been in your exact situation and it SUCKS. Having people living under your roof for that long just flat out sucks.
I would definitely lay down the law with your husband and tell him 3 WEEKS MAX. If even that. I think 2 weeks is more reasonable.
You are newlyweds as you say and you need support from your families, not for them to create problems. If they have money to travel overseas on holiday surely they have money to pay their way.
Be firm with your husband. This is new to him too but he needs to learn his wife comes before his family – that is my view anyway. I took this attitude with my husband and while at first he was a bit hesitant, he got the picture and told his family to move on after a few weeks, and they did. No love lost. My sanity, saved.
Post # 6
Why didn’t your Darling Husband pay for the wedding too?
As for the in laws, nope. thats too long and you shouldn’t leave your own home. You need to talk to your Darling Husband and see where he stands. He needs to respect your limits just like you need to respect that they traveled this far.
and still, three weeks is plenty of time.
Post # 7
Personally I think 6 weeks is far FAR too long, even if they do live overseas. And absolutely do not move out of your own house if you’re finding it a struggle.
I’d tell your Darling Husband that 3 weeks max and if he won’t tell them then tell them yourself. If they want to stay longer then great but not in your house – your house your rules. If they get ratty about it play the newly-married-couple card – I don’t understand why anyone would want to impose themselves on a newly married couple who are still getting used to married life so it might well get the message across.
It’s a difficult situation but other than being upfront and honest with them in the politest way possible I don’t really know what else you can do.
Post # 8
Depending how far away they are coming from 6 weeks may be a bit too much but I wouldn’t do less than 4 weeks if they had a 24 hour flight. Do you know for certain that they’ll be with you solely for that long or will they try to split it up with someone else? How often does he see them? I would but he wedding and money issues aside particularly if he only sees them once a year of less. Instead or focusing on how long their trip is and dictating a firm 3 weeks I would try working on some boundaries for theie time with you guys. If your both working you can bring up that they’ll be alone too long with that timeframe.
Post # 9
For some odd reason, SIL is no longer coming. I’m somewhat relieved and hope that it makes Mother-In-Law not want to stay longer. I sound terrible but the latest info I have from other family member just confirms that I’m just a bank account to her, and I would rather not deal with her.
Vermont2015: They haven’t bought their tickets yet. Darling Husband talked to them about the timeline but Mother-In-Law is still acting like she will be here for 6 weeks and continues to discuss that timeline with other family members. She is getting her ticket this week and has been told to not exceed 4 weeks but knowing how inconsiderate and disrespectful of Darling Husband she can be, I wouldn’t be surprised if she booked it for 6 weeks.
lurkingvee: MIL doesn’t work. I’m very outspoken and don’t know how to sugarcoat anything. I guess, I want to have an escape route if I get too frustrated with them.
Ettalie: They will completely rely on us for everything. They aren’t the most independent bunch which is annoying to me because my parents drive and do their own thing when they come visit.
Post # 10
KamerChick: Your Darling Husband needs to put on his big boy pants and talk to his family. It’s unacceptable that he’s not communicating clearly with them. Whatever the two of you decide (4 weeks, 3 weeks, whatever) he’ll need to communicate with his family in a way that is straightforward.