Post # 1
My fiance’s parents are both very well off (they own a few houses, rent them out, mother has her own buisness, father works in finances) and my mother is on disability making about $1200/ month after a terrible accident took my dad/her husband of 40 years last year. Now that I am engaged, his parents said they would cover 1/4 of the wedding costs, if not more since my mom can’t afford much. We were so SO greatful, but suddenly his mother decided to opt out of paying for anything because she thinks its rididulous that they “being the grooms parents” should have to pay for anything. So now I’m left with my mom cutting back on absolutely EVERYTHING to save money for our wedding because she can’t believe they would do this after we had booked so many things. I asked Fiance mother to come over for coffee with my Fiance and mom so we could talk about wedding details and re figure out our finances but she refuses to be any part of it. I’m so confused and resentful of her for this and I don’t want to let it affect my Fiance and I’s relationship. This isn’t the first time she has done things like this. Help Bees!
Post # 3
I’m sorry about what happened to your mother. You can try and have Fiance talk to his mother but otherwise you should pay for it yourselves. If you’re old enough to get married you’re old enough to pay for it.
Post # 4
Oh sorry I do see that you booked with their contributions in mind. Can you get a 2nd job?
Post # 5
Um Fiance really needs to talk to his mom, that is just rude, especially since you already put deposits down. You should talk to your mom and make sure her helping isn’t going to affect her finances to much and either scale back or find some way to pay for it yourself.
Post # 6
I can’t believe you booked things and now she’s pulling the money. I would, if I were you and Fiance, keep talking to his mother, but also get a second job each. Maybe you two could even explain it to his mother and treat it like a loan, you could pay her back after the wedding or something? This is just terrible.
Post # 7
wow. Have you explained to your Future Mother-In-Law why your mother is unable to contribute? She is being extremely insensitive.
If you have, you should probably start coming up with ways to pay yourself. Take a second job, take out a small loan, cut back, etc.
So sorry you are going through this 🙁
Post # 8
Wow, I’m so sorry to hear that 🙁 very inconsiderate on her part. I hope she changes her mind. What does FI’s father say about it?? Does he get a say??
Post # 9
I would have Fiance talk to her alone then see how that pans out. It’s crappy that you booked things with the promise of money then she backed out. Try to scale back on things that she was going to pay for, even cut the guestlist if you haven’t sent out invitations yet (I’d personally cut your Future Mother-In-Law & FFIL’s guest list a lot). Also you and Fi should try to save as much money as you can and get 2nd jobs, the cost of your wedding shouldn’t rest on your mother who is on a fixed income.
Post # 10
Wow… that’s rough to pull money that’s already been committed to things. I’m curious perhaps if THEY signed any of these contracts as the person for paying for them? Or did they just promise money and you signed the contracts?
Post # 11
Thats just awful and put you in a really tough position. Pleases don’t make your mum pay I think it’s up to you and your Fiance to work out the money.
Post # 12
@javamonkey: This is just an awful situation all around. First of all, I’m so sorry to hear about what happened with your mother (and, of course, the loss of your father). That’s hard enough without any additional stress!
Secondly, I think your fiance should have a discussion with his parents. No, they shouldn’t be expected to foot the bill simply because they have money … But if they offered to do so, that’s another story. I can’t wrap my head around someone offering to pay for something and then deciding at the last minute, “Oh, nevermind. I don’t think I should have to pay for this.” Ummm … If you offered to pay, you should do so.
If, after talking with them, they’re still unwilling to budge, I’d say the costs of the wedding should then fall to you and your fiance. Your mother should not be forced to bear the burden of financing a wedding 100% on her own when she’s on a fixed income and likely cannot afford to do so. It’s not fair to her. It’s not fair to the two of you either since you were initially promised that x amount would be paid for by his parents, but if you both want to have a wedding with your friends and family, you’ll have to figure out a way to pay for it.
Post # 14
@javamonkey: Why would you take money from you mother? If you’re old enough to get married, you’re old enough to pay for it yourself.
While it was not nice of your Future In-Laws to reneg on their offer, they dont owe you anything and they are certainly not responsible for forcing your mother to sacrifice – you are.
Post # 15
@Holly77: 2nd this. OP, I think that given the situation, the cost of the wedding really should be the responsibility of you and your Fiance, unfortunately. That being said, I’m so angry for you over what your Future Mother-In-Law did, it’s so wrong! But if they’re being unreasonable and won’t budge, then I’d adjust their guests accordingly and how much, if any, input they have in the wedding, since it will almost fully be funded now by you and your Fiance.
As for your mother, since she’s on a fixed income, perhaps she could contribute one special thing/part of the wedding, such as the cake. Then she is still contributing to the wedding, which is probably important to her, but it won’t put her out financially. To make some extra funds, in addition to the suggestions PPs have offered, you could also consider selling things you don’t need or use on eBay, CraigsList etc. Sometimes it’s funny how much stuff we have that we no longer need and can get good money for.
Post # 16
I’m wondering why you would spend someone else’s money any differently than you would spend your own? As a couple of PPs have already stated, if you’re old enough to get married, then you’re old enough to pay for it. Your mother SHOULDN’T suffer or do without. You guys need to get your wedding paid for and DO NOT have a conversation with his mother. She’s already said what she has to say, there’s nothing left to say.
So… postpone the wedding if you can’t get it paid for by the time you want to get married OR scale back… WAY back until you can afford what you’ve already started putting deposits on.