In laws living with us and not following rules

posted 5 months ago in Family
Post # 2
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

What rules are you refering to? Weird to give any grown adults “rules”.

Post # 3
4340 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2009

When living with other grown ups it is about compromise.  My MIL stays with us for extended periods and we do pretty much everything differently.  Yes, it is my house, but she is my guest and I pick my battles.  

Post # 4
3035 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I’m with the PP who asked what rules they’re not following. Because there are some things where you may need to compromise and other things where they may need to get the fuck out.

How long is it going to take for them to buy a place and move? Did you have any agreements about how long their process would take or is this an open ended and indefinite arrangement?

Post # 5
2044 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t think it’s weird to give adults rules at all. Since when does being an adult mean you can march around doing what you want? 

I think your fiancé needs to sit down with them, go over the rules, and be firm. This is your house, if they don’t want to follow your house rules, they can find a rental. 

It irks me when we have guests that don’t follow our house rules, but I let it go because they are guests, not living in my home long-term. 

Post # 6
7871 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

alex313 :  Of course a house can have rules. An obvious one might be don’t smoke on the property. Others might be take your shoes off inside, don’t leave dirty dishes around, put the milk back in the fridge, turn the lights and TV off if you’re the last person to bed, where you can and can’t park your car, etc. And when you’re a guest at someone’s place, staying for free, you should expect there are rules, and follow them.

Post # 7
45540 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think I would need to know what the “rules” are before I could comment.

Also, did they agree to follow said rules? Did you have a clear discussion where the four of you went over the house rules, or are you just complaining when they do something you don’t like?

Post # 9
1245 posts
Bumble bee

I totally get that you are in a really challenging situation- I would be pulling my hair out 100%.  I do things my way and anything else aggravates my OCD.


But for sake of being an objective third party, I gotta say the “leave things on” rule is a little unreasonable.  Taking shoes off is one thing, but the former kind of sounds like you want them to erase any signs of them having touched your things just for the sake of doing so.


“Fixing things that aren’t broken”– that would drive me mad, but IMO adults feel uncomfortable when they have to lean on younger people and they aren’t the best at expressing it.  Perhaps they are trying to make themselves useful so they don’t feel like such a burden on you.  I actually felt kind of bad for them when I read that.


Idk, like I said I would be super irritated.  But for me, when I’m really annoyed at somebody, it helps to kind of sympathize with them. 

Post # 10
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Have you considered that the shoe issue may be more than just inconsideration?  For many people, especially older people, shoes provide crucial support.  Going without them indoors can be painful.  And having to remove and put them back on multiple times a day can be hard on people with limited mobility, even with a chair. 

Maybe try to think about the motivations behind their behavior.  Maybe you can come up with some compromises that work for everyone.

Post # 12
1342 posts
Bumble bee

you should offer to buy them a brand new pair of house-only shoes, never to be worn outdoors

Post # 13
1245 posts
Bumble bee

lemonslimes :  those are really annoying household items to have to turn back on.  Is it rude to make little nicely worded reminder signs?

*Re-read your original post.  If I understand correctly, you had only planned on living in that house for 6mo? One month down, 2 more your FI will be away, could you find a way to tactfully navigate moving early?  

Post # 14
6258 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

Having lived with housemates most of my adult life, everything you’ve brought up is a non-issue.  Even the shoe thing, tbh..  That just sort of happens when you share a home with someone.

If it helps, remind yourself you’re going to be renting the place soon anyway–what does it matter if they get the carpet a little dirty (i can promise you your tenants will!) or if they fix some things that don’t need fixing (again, I can promise you your tenants will).  

If it really kills you though, you can ask your DH to put pressure on them to buy a new home a little more quickly.. Some people don’t like sharing their personal space, and there’s nothing to be ashamed of in that.  It sounds like you and your DH are very particular and you have every right to be, if that’s what you need to be comfortable at home.

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