(Closed) In Laws. Love 'em or hate 'em?

posted 7 years ago in Family
  • poll: How do you feel about your in laws

    Love them!

    Hate them!

    Somewhere in the middle

  • Post # 77
    Member
    480 posts
    Helper bee

    I love my fiance’s mom and stepdad. I swear, they’re so incredible and loving and fun.

    I love my fiance’s dad. He’s so warm. I know that he is my fiance in 20 years, and I’m okay with that. 

    I… exist… with my fiance’s stepmom. Her and my fiance have a negative history, which makes them both hate each other. Unfortunately, without my consent, I’ve been dragged into their conflict. I want to like her, she is just so disgusted by my fiance’s existance that it’s next to impossible. 

    Post # 78
    Member
    9806 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I really like some of my in laws and some of the others are fine.  I don’t hate any of them by any means.

    I like Father-In-Law and his girlfriend and some of DH’s brothers are pretty awesome.  But I like them because they’re similar to me!  Like to have a good time, enjoy some drinks, etc.  One of my BIL’s and one of my very best friends get along fabulously as they both sort of bring the party…they were the drunkest people at our wedding and pretty hilarious.  Mother-In-Law and her side are perfectly nice but not really similar to DH or myself.  They’re really religious and kind of anti-drinking for the most part while DH and I are athiests and I’m quite the lush sometimes Smile  We’re just not very similar people but I certainly don’t have any problems with them. 

    I think DH likes my parents because they’re pretty liberal (like us) and he comes from a very very conservative area/family.

    Post # 79
    Member
    154 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    My SO has parents completely different from mine. I’m very close to mine who are warm, joking and emotional people who will call me/us up at least twice a week to say hi and vice versa, his are very pragmatic and they won’t call us or SO without a ‘good’ reason. Mine support me and us in everything we do and openly say so, his are questioning our relationship behind my back to SO (who always stood up for me, thank god) – I think they imagined he’d find someone else. His mother has said things to him about me that will make people drop their jaws if I tell them.

    I chose ‘somewhere in the middle’ because over time I ultimately came to the conclusion that they don’t understand our life and relationship at all, and that I can’t expect them to, the life they’ve chosen for themselves is miles away from the one we live. They’re always nice to me when I’m there, and I know they don’t flat out hate me. We’ll just never be close and I’m not gonna make a fuss about it but it does make me sad for SO and thinking of our future children… 

    Post # 80
    Member
    4 posts
    Wannabee

    Father-In-Law is cool.. but Mother-In-Law does not respect me and I am a clearly LEAST favorite daughter in law, out of three. Sad, because of other two only one is married, the other is only dating her son, yet Mother-In-Law prefers her. Sad sad

    Post # 81
    Member
    292 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    I’m in the middle. I don’t love them and I don’t really hate them. Some of his family members have done some very horrible things to me so I strongly dislike them. However some of his family memebers are amazing to me and I really like them. I get really jealous when I see other interacting with their In-laws and they just click and get along so well like they were meant to be family. I always imagined thats how my relationship with my inlaws would be =[

    Post # 82
    Member
    43 posts
    Newbee

    No love from me. Met them both for all of ten minutes, very unexpectedly, a few months after SO and I started dating… they were decently polite to my face but afterwards Future Mother-In-Law told SO I was ugly, unkempt, desperate, evil, etc.. every insult under the sun. She’s since decided that my relationship with SO cant possibly be a lasting one, and has been giving women from her work and church SO’s info, trying to set him up with someone “better suited” for her baby. No love.

    Future Father-In-Law didn’t add too much but he basically cosigned everything Future Mother-In-Law said.. I think his reaction hurt me worse though, mostly because SO felt so betrayed by it. He’s reallllly close to his dad. 

    Before this I’d never had another person insult me so harshly.. ever. Needless to say when all this originally went down I bawled my eyes out for hours. Not my proudest moment. But I dont ever have to see them but maybe once or twice a year, so I mostly just try not to give them any thought.

    Post # 83
    Member
    558 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Middle ground for me.  FI’s parents are incredibly unpleasant to us ever since he came out as a transman to them, they’ve repeatedly attacked him with the “Jesus would never approve of your choices” routine, they refuse to use his correct name, and generally treat us like we don’t exist unless we can do something useful for them.  Never mind how I’m Jewish and clearly going to hell.  

    However, FI’s brothers are two of the most amazing men I have ever met, so in that regard, I am incredibly fortunate with regards to my soon-to-be family-in-law.  We’re very close to his brothers.  His parents, on the other hand, have told us not to tell them when the wedding is.  I think that sums it up.

    Post # 84
    Member
    3277 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I love my father-in-law, my brother-in-law’s wife and my niece. 

    I can’t stand my brother-in-law, my mother-in-law and one of my husband’s cousins.

    My Mother-In-Law is very thoughtful but she says some very rude things at times. She also behaves like a martyr if her sons stand up for their wives. I tolerate her with grace and sweetness. I’ve heard that she likes me a great deal. This is likely because I am polite and loving even when my Mother-In-Law is rude. I think she is sick in the head. I will never stay in her house again because I feel very judged. She is my husband’s mother and I was raised to defer to older people. 

    My Brother-In-Law is a very angry person. I have met the man twice and each time he made a horrible scene. He likes to verbally assault his wife and his mother in front of people. Then, he calls my husband and I crying. I forgave him the first time but the second time I was over it. It is AWFUL to behave like that when his brother and new wife drove more than ten hours to see them. I have sympathy for his frustration at his mother when she puts down his wife, but there is a more mature and diplomatic way of handling conflict. Swearing and screaming is ridiculous. 

    One of my husband’s cousins is very pompous. She thought my brother-in-law’s wife was not good enough for him, just because his wife didn’t have a university degree. I can’t stand snobbery and ignorance. I don’t have a degree either, so I can imagine what this cousin thinks of me. 

    My husband admires and appreciates the way I handle his family. I kill them with kindness and I am very understanding. 

    Post # 85
    Member
    95 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    Love, love, love them! I’m so blessed.

    Post # 86
    Member
    1268 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 1994

    I like my in-laws more than I like my blood related family. My in-laws are very thoughtful, and really care about us, our happiness, and our well being. Nothing is perfect, and sometimes family life can be stressful. But I think that is normal. 

    Post # 87
    Member
    901 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    @Gabthebee:  I LOVE LOVE LOVE THEM!  I feel like I won the lottery on this one… they are two of the sweetest people I’ve ever met! 

     

    Case in point, when we got engaged and were trying to tell them in person, we had some trouble making it discreet so we decided to just show up at their place. When we got there, they let us in and we sat down at the dining room table but his mom had to run off to brush her teeth (lol).  All the while I’m hiding my hands because we wanted to tell them both together.  She comes back and can’t even sit down before she blurts out “OK, I’M READY.. TELL US!”  As if it couldn’t get more cute, his dad turned red and started to cry!  So freaking cute!

    Post # 88
    Member
    2239 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    I try really, really hard to love them…and sometimes I do. Other times, I want to roll my eyes at every word that comes out of their mouths and scream. So somewhere in between Wink

    Post # 89
    Member
    7199 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    My Future In-Laws are a lot of fun and, though much fewer in number than my family, they are very similar. They laugh a lot and are very comfortable with each other. My Fiance is sort of the odd-duck and I think I fit in better with his sisters than he does, but it’s worked to help bridge the distance between them.

    Now… just don’t ask me what I think about them when we’re trying to coordinate holidays or things like that. Those people can’t work together to make a decision to save their lives! I’m trying to instill some traditions now so in the years to come we will all just KNOW when we get together for Thanksgiving, Christmas & Easter and what everyone always brings!

    Post # 90
    Member
    576 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I love my Future Brother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law and their spouses. I like my Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law but I wouldn’t say love. They’re very old fashioned and opinionated, and they’re not very good about being honest or open about their feelings. My family is very open about everything, and I feel like we have a lot more respect for eachother. FIs parents tend to treat him like a child who can’t make his own decisions,  and they make him feel guilty about any decision he makes that they don’t agree with. They’re nice people and I get along with them fine, but they’re so closed off that I don’t know if I will ever really love them.

    Fiance on the other hand loves my family, and they love him. He’s like another son to my parents and they give him the same love and support that they give to my brother and I. He and my brother get along very well too, which surprised me at first because my brother can be hard to get along with. Fiance feels bad sometimes because my family was so welcoming and he has a great relationship with them and his family wasn’t like that to me. 

    Post # 91
    Member
    815 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    View original reply
    @luckyshot:  Uhm, do we have the same future parents-in-law? Sounds like we might haha.

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