Post # 1
For starters – I wanted to elope. For multiple reasons, I instead agreed with my fiance’s request to have a small wedding (40 guests) where we live, which leaves room on the guest list for parents, grandparents, siblings and their spouses/children, and a few close friends. The venue we’ve selected has a fire code limit of 45–so we have NO flexibility with our guest list number. Despite explaining this to my Future Mother-In-Law several times, every time I see her she asks us questions like, “you’re including aunts and uncles, right?” (answer: NO) or “will there be room for others to join us after the ceremony?” (answer: NO!)
It’s driving me crazy to the point where I don’t want to be around her, because I feel like our wedding plans aren’t acceptable. I especially hate that she directs questions to me instead of her own son! My in-laws lives in a small town where large wedding are customary, and it drives me crazy she and the others can’t seem to “think outside the box” and accept it’s OUR wedding.
Thoughts? Advice? I’m at the point where I hate my own wedding. If every guest is just going to be miserable, I’m going to be miserable, too.
Post # 3
@InBloom: At this point, I would just stop talking to her about it. Also, make sure she is not inviting people on her own. Make your RSVPs so that you write on the card who is invited: “We have reserved 2 seats in honor of John and Jane Doe”. Just let her know one last time that your guest list is final and that there is no room for anymore guests.
Why do you think other guests will be misrable? Are you excluding close aunts and uncles or extended family?
Post # 4
It’s your wedding. Plan it accordingly to your and your FI’s likes, desires, and wants.
Post # 5
@LuvMySailor: Yes, because we each have dozens of aunts and uncles (all of our parents come from huge families) we are excluding all aunts and uncles. We figured it was all or nothing. I get the sense guests from fiance’s side of the family won’t enjoy themselves if they’re brooding over the fact that it’s not a huge 300+ person dance party like they’re used to attending. :/
Post # 6
@InBloom: We did the same thing. We wanted a small wedding, and Darling Husband has a total of 25 aunts and uncles, including spouses. He’s not close to any of them, so it really didn’t make sense to increase our guest list by 35% just to invite them.
Post # 7
This sounds like my Future Mother-In-Law (but our problem was with a bridal shower). She’s being passive aggressive and trying to get her way. You don’t have to budge. You already compromised by not eloping.
Post # 8
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
If Future Mother-In-Law wants to celebrate your wedding with 300 people, she can always host a picnic, BBQ, family reunion, etc. after the fact. My Future Mother-In-Law is planning on having an at-home reception sometime this fall, for friends/neighbors who aren’t invited, but would like to meet me.
I think it’s only natural for her to come to you vs. Fiance with questions/etc… mine has been overwhelming me with e-mails, since she knows that unlike her son who ignores her, I will actually respond. :)-
Post # 9
I definitely understand where you are coming from. We are only having 30 people total at ours and it is hard for my Future Mother-In-Law to understand. My Future Sister-In-Law had 200 guests at her wedding and she told me she didn’t know half the people there. Which I would never want! I went to my Future Mother-In-Law and told her we are having a very intimiate wedding and if there is a family friend couple or two that she would want there to let me know. She has even said to me well you’re not going to get any gifts inviting that many people.
Best advice I have is to stick to your guns, tell your fiance and maybe he can have a talk with her to really stress this is what you BOTH want and if she has a problem with it to talk to him about it. For some reason I think they think this is only one sided and thats why we are getting all the questions. Cheer up though because once the day is there, everyone will be happy and you will be so happy everyone who is important is there and you wont have the stress of having a wedding you both never wanted.