(Closed) In-laws not attending baby shower

posted 8 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
1220 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Welcome to my world.  I have, in my own words, a crappy Mother-In-Law too and a SIL who couldn’t even answer her phone when her brother called to tell her that she was going to be an aunt.  Personally, for me, I’d rather enjoy my day than worry about why they won’t come or why they are acting a certain way.  I have a couple of posts about my craptastic Mother-In-Law and how she refuses to listen and does her own thing much to the dismay of myself and her son.  

If they can’t figure out how to make something work AND they haven’t asked for help then I wouldn’t spend another minute on it.

Post # 4
519 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

Honestly, you had dated for 10 years and your SIL didn’t bother to try to get to know you. That’s crap. If it were me, I wouldn’t be making an effort to be a part of their family. I wouldn’t bother going over there for Easter or any other holidays until they can act human toward you. Darling Husband should understand why. His family treats you like crap and he needs to tell them to knock it off. Now that there’s a baby on the way, maybe he will stand up a little more firm to them. I know my Darling Husband did!

Post # 5
2865 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’d avoid making a big deal about it over this. I don’t think they reason for not coming is totally crazy so if you were going to get upset with them about something – I don’t think this should be it.

It would be different if your SIL was free and they all just didn’t want to come – but I can understand older people not feeling comfortable driving and not having a ride because she’s busy.

Have you told your husband how you feel, could he say something to him? It seems like something minor to dump 10 years of being upset into – I’d wait till a different time.

Post # 6
174 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Can I assume that you live near your inlaws? Would your husband be willing to drive them to and from the shower? Would you be willing to drive them yourself? Sometimes people need someone to offer before they ask a favor such as driving them 1.5 hours.

Post # 7
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Personally I’d let it go, its not worth the stress or drama it will cause if you say something. We had quite a bit of drama with my in-laws around the time of my shower. When Darling Husband called to ask them where they were his father said they’d show up when they got there and we should count our blessings they were coming at all. They showed up 45 minutes late to the shower, which was mainly attended by their family. I’ve been learning a lot lately that we can’t change them, only how we react to them.

Post # 8
13095 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Honestly – while I understand that they’ve been crappy to you in the past, your ILs have valid reasons for not attending your shower.

Your SIL can’t really help that she had prior plans and it is much harder for her to reschedule those plans if she wanted to because they involve people coming from out of town. And if your Mother-In-Law and Grand-MIL aren’t comfortable driving an hour and a half on the interstate and SIL can’t drive them, they are kind of stuck.

While I understand that you’d like your husband’s family to be there, I don’t see any shower related reason that you can be upset with them.

Post # 9
2820 posts
Sugar bee

This isn’t the point I’d decide to hash it out. My IL aren’t coming to my baby shower and we get along fine. They weren’t going to be able to make it to the first one because they were having friends over but then it had to be rescheduled and now they’re going to be away.

Post # 11
6571 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

I have a friend who went through this. Her in laws (who live 2 hours away) didn’t come to her baby shower, sent her a crappy gift, and didn’t come to her daughter’s 1st birthday. She just kind of accepted the fact that they aren’t as close as she wants to be, even though of course it makes her upset. If it really bothers you, I would have your husband talk to them since it’s his family.

Post # 12
7429 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Some people are just not that into family. I hope that’s the case with his. Our families have always accepted the other, even before we were engaged, because we all knew that this was forever. When we all hang out, you can’t tell where his family ends and mine begins. We also lived with my Father-In-Law for 4 years, so that definitely had something to do with the reason why we are all so close. I think maybe you should have your husband speak to them about how they make you feel, and go from there

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