- 4 years ago
- Wedding: October 2014
Alright.. let me start by saying, I love my future in laws. They are wonderful people, and I am a lucky girl getting to marry into such a great family.
However, I’m running into a problem I knew I would run into. For some background, my parents are paying for the majority of the wedding. I am contributing a decent amount, and in-laws are paying for flowers and the DJ. My parents are contributing double what myself and my in-laws are combined.
So no we are coming to the point where we are making the guest list in order to send out STDs. We had planned on inviting 180 people, knowing that around 10 would send regrets. My parents and I decided to split the invites directly down the middle, giving 90 to each side. My family is HUGE (damn italians, breeding like rabbits!), so we easily got up to 90 people including my friends. There are a ton of people who have known me my whole life, and who I see regularly, that are not going to be invited.
My FI had told me a few weeks ago that his parents had asked if they could pay for any additional people over the 90 we said they could invite. I said maybe, but that I’d have to know how many it would be. If it were 5, then sure, why not? I never got an answer as to how many extras they were considering. His family is significantly smaller than mine, so there should be plenty of invites left for friends and the like. I let it go and figured we would talk about it later. I also figured that they would understand that at $100 pp for catering, we had a reason for keeping the list small (cannot believe I’m referring to 180 as small, but I digress).
Fast forward to this weekend, his parents are in town for homecoming, and during the tailgate, the guest list comes up between his mom and myself. She very nicely asked again if they could pay for the extra people, explaining that there are people from their old neighborhood (that they moved out of 15+ years ago) that she has seen around and have asked if they were invited (ugh, don’t even get me started on people who ask that question). She said that, because these people have known FI his whole life, that she feels like she needs to invite them.
I explained to her that, for one, the space where we are having our wedding may be large, but we don’t want it to be crowded. Also, and this was the bigger reason for saying no, was that I felt bad that my parents wouldn’t be able to invite everybody that they wanted to because of the 90 person limit. I really do not want to go to my parents, who are giving a significant amount of money to this wedding, and essentially tell them that future in-laws get to invite everybody who ever said hello to their son, and that we cannot do the same.
After explaining my feelings about it, she kept saying that she felt like she needed to invite these people, clearly not understanding that my parents are in the same situation, but because they are paying for 180 people, there’s no way they’d be able to invite their extras. It’s just so frustrating! Yes, they are paying for SOME things, but about 90% of the money for this wedding is coming out of my parents and my own pocket.
I know I need to be firm with her, but I just don’t get why she can’t just accept that she is going to have to tell people NO. I know she doesn’t want to offend people, but that’s the nature of weddings. If we win the lottery between now and next October, then SURE invite whoever you want!
I’m sure plenty of you have dealt with this situation… what did you do!??!!?