: I’m a student, fiancé is in the forces. I work part time (tutoring) but the work is irregular. 6 months ago We were looking at getting married but couldn’t afford the venue comfortably in time so we decided to put the wedding date back a year. We told the in laws. The next day they offered to pay the venue.
They saw our venue (a barn) and fmil made a big fuss about how it wouldn’t be ready in time and there would be portaloos etc, and why didn’t we look in Kent (way more expensive).
they earmarked some venues that were £100+ a head. Eventually we found one where the venue was the same as the first and it was more classy so fmil was happier. However with the classy venue came: expensive food, having to use their chair covers and corkage (not included). It meant that we would have an £8k food bill to pay alone. We could never have afforded that.
In response, they offered to pay venue, food, corkage and chair covers. (They had just had a major life changing job change and kept saying how they wanted to give us the wedding of our dreams). I was quite uncomfortable as I’ve been raised not asking for money etc, and knowing my mum is not in a position to contribute, and my dad is unwilling to. Eventually we agreed to let them help and everyone was happy. We kept them informed every step of the way on cost, and made it very very clear that we would not book this venue without them paying those things, and would use our original, because we couldn’t afford the additions that came with the expensive venue.
We sent them the invoice today, and all hell broke loose. Apparently they believed everything (venue + food etc was £8k, when in fact that’s just food). Has dad called and was on loudspeaker and was essentially accusing us of deceiving them and telling us we have wiped them out of all their savings, etc.
we can’t change venue/pull out as come contract we signed states that if cancelling less than 6 months before everything must be paid in full. They are still happy to pay some of it, but we need to find an extra £3k in 6 months..
I’m heartbroken. This is exactly what I didn’t want to happen. My fiancé just says ‘they’ll pay it anyway don’t worry’, but I don’t want to wipe their savings out at all, I don’t want to hurt them, I’m so grateful for all their help and I wish we’d have known they didn’t realise they had agreed to pay it before hand, and we could have gone somewhere else.
At this point we have 4 options
1. Change the date (not possible as fis dad may not be able to go)
2. Get a loan
3. Sell fis car (its on a pcp scheme so we would forfeit deposit but would have more money to save each month). He works 300 miles from our home so it would mean us bringing my old car upto our city and using that for him to commute each week (if it still runs), NB I can’t sell this car as its not worth anything and I only own it in thought, my dad owns owns it.
4. Ask my dad. My dad has always been anti-wedding. And is also mentally unwell so blows up easily. I believe he thinks ‘this wedding is not my decision so I don’t need to contribute’. Also I never asked fis parents for help, and I don’t think it’s either of our parents responsibility to pay, and I resent the fact everyone keeps asking why the father of the bride isn’t paying and expecting him to. He’s not well off at all let alone by comparison to fis parents, but he works stupidly hard and I don’t think he should be obligated to spend what little he has on this mess. My mum is bankrupt from her current husband so not an option. I’m also scared that asking him will damage what little relationship I’ve managed to preserve.
I don’t know what to do!
If we pull out the contact says we have to pay everything in full anyway as its less than 6 months awso, so we can’t pull out now.