(Closed) In-Laws overstepping? Need advice please!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
859 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@LedeLady:  I think there are 2 sides. I don’t think this was necessarily malicious- Fiance and I are super tight with both of our families and we are very much in each other’s business to a certain extent. That may be how their family operates. 

HOWEVER. You do not have to be ok with it!! I do think it’s your husband’s job to say something. Not necessarily some big confrontation but explaining “hey, I’m glad so and so got to see the house but we are not ok with you breaking into our home without our permission. Please don’t do that again. That being said, we would be happy to take you by anytime” 

they may not realize what they did was offensive to you. I’m sorry though. I totally see where you’re coming from

Post # 18
Member
2807 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

i’m sorry, but i’d be calling the police. that’s breaking and entering.

doesn’t matter if they’re family. they didn’t have permission, they didn’t tell you they were coming. they broke into your house. while you were out.

Post # 19
Member
370 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

View original reply
@veryberry13:  they accessed a house that does not belong to them and was locked without asking permission. It’s called breaking and entering and it’s illegal. Yes, they did something wrong. 

Post # 20
Member
997 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@colorofmyheart:  call the police? really? that is really extreme considering his parents were just really excited and wanted to show off their son’s home.

Post # 21
Member
1774 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Other options:

  1. call the cops- what they did was illegal.  
  2. have a friend call, report that there were some strange people in the house.

Post # 22
Member
2807 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
@OtterHalf:  um, yeah. they committed a crime. therefore, i’d call the police. doesn’t matter what their reasoning was. they broke into a home. which is a crime. people get arrested and go to jail for that.

Post # 23
Member
885 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

View original reply
@colorofmyheart:  While what they did was wrong without a doubt, calling the police is probably not the best course of action.  It will just create a lot of unnecessary animosity, hard feelings, resentment, and might very well break the family.  So yeah, I recommend against calling the police, and think the most rational thing to do is ask your husband to have a chat with his parens and set some boundaries. 

Post # 24
Member
7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
@LedeLady:  If your husband won’t confront them over that, then prepare yourself for 50 years of interfering in-laws.

(EDIT: OK that’s a bit dramatic, but I’m trying to emphasise that he’s got to step up here, because it’s a fairly serious matter; and if he lets this slide then what else will he let slide?).

Post # 26
Member
859 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
@LedeLady:  no problem! Its amazing how sometimes something that’s so “duh, you don’t do that kind of thing” to one person can be so normal for someone else haha. They may have even thought they were doing you a favor so that you didn’t have to come out (who knows lol). I hate when things blow up that are misunderstandings so I think a more mild approach is best to begin with. No offense to some bees but call the police on your new in laws??? That is escalating the situation times a million!! 

Hope all goes well when your husband talks to them and I hope they respect your wishes!

Post # 27
Member
2036 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
@Lana_Rose:  I think my comment was more from an approach of ‘It’s family’.  I would not consider my family breaking and entering for any reason I guess.

When I read this post, it sounded a lot more to me like OP was upset that SHE wasn’t the one that got to show off her house.  “On their own.  Without even calling to ask first.”

I just don’t think it’s the same as having a stranger violate your property by breaking in.

 

 

 

 

Post # 28
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

That’s troubling that they didn’t want to include you in the excitement of showing them YOUR house. I’d be irked too!

I certainly wouldn’t call the police, but I would do what some PPs said and have a conversation about boundaries, and also that they left you out of an important moment (ummm, YOUR moment). 

I shudder when I think about in-laws overstepping and acting like hooligans, and how much hooligan-ier they get once there are grandbabies in the picture. That alone would have me picking up the phone immediately!

Post # 29
Member
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Hmmmm . . . I can understanding them being excited and wanting to show off YOUR house . . . but really, c’mon, breaking in was totally over the top. They had so many other options – the easiest of which was, of course, to give you a call.

Why do you think they chose not to call you, OP?

Without knowing more about the family dynamic, it’s difficult to say whether this is a prelude to more boundary issues. But – breaking in – that’s just bizarre. We have a very loose family dynamic where we’re all in and out of each other’s houses all the time, sometimes when the homeowner isn’t there – but none of us would EVER dream of breaking into a locked house except in a case of a dire emergency.

Sounds like your in-laws have a serious screw loose, that they could even imagine this might be OK.

And yes, your husband needs to man up and tell them what they did was unacceptable. He can say it calmly and with a smile, but he does need to say it.

 

Post # 30
Member
4424 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I understand they’re excited for you guys and could even accept them driving your grandparents by the house (even though you and your DH should be the ones to do that), but breaking into the home to show them around? Absolutely NOT okay! I would have your DH talk with them and explain that you were excited to get to share that with them and that it is never okay to break into someone’s home, regardless of their relation to you!

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