(Closed) In Laws posting invitation at work…

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
12953 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Um, I’d be upset by this too.  Can you tell her you thought she was only going to invite a couple friends, not make it a free-for-all? 

Post # 4
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I don’t think you are overreacting and I don’t think it is unreasonable for you (or your FI) to ask them for a number of co-workers they would like to invite and stick to it. I think it’s a little overboard for them to post a wedding invite at work and then let you know that 25 of their co-workers would like to come dine and dance with you! (for example)

Post # 5
Member
1999 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

yikes, i’d be annoyed too.  Especially since your own parents only got 2 extras each. Maybe just explain that to her? Does she know how expensive dinner is?

Post # 7
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

@jpmorgan:  OMG !!

I would sooo be putting my foot down on this one… even if they are paying in money, they aren’t ENTITLED to do as they wish… when it is YOUR PARENTS who are paying for the meal.  I would most certainly go back to the Inlaws and give them a number (after telling your Dad all this, and coming up with what number of folks sounds reasonable)

Just tell your Future Inlaws that the “cut off” point will be x amount of people, you’ll take on the first x number of names that she gives you… after that “too bad… so sad”

Sheesh some people !!

 

Post # 8
Member
595 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think that your FH needs to have a serious sit down with his parents.  This is something that he has to do.  Like the others said, he needs to tell them that the guest list is done and you are not adding any more people.  I mean really, what happens if everyone at work says yes AND brings there significant other?

Post # 9
Member
914 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Why do parents do this???? I would never go to a wedding of some person my mom works with but I don’t know. Why do they think they need to invite everyone THEY know even if that person has never met you. This baffles me.

And yes, I would be ticked! Fortunately, my mom is not inviting anyone because she would never do that. She knows it’s my and FI’s wedding.

Post # 10
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

Can you “blame the caterer” and say you need a firm head count, or “blame the venue” and say you are capped at a certain amount?

 

Post # 11
Member
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Um, that’s just unacceptable. Wow. If it were me, I would tell her to take it down immediately and perhaps even send her some links on etiquette.

If its simply a matter of cost (and there is space in your venue) and you don’t mind having more people at your reception, you should tell her that you’ll be happy to include those coworkers in the wedding and you’ll let her know how much it will be for all of them to attend once she sends you a finalized list (and you should give her a firm due date for the list).

Post # 12
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

bad form and rudeness aside (your inlaws are wrong wrong wrong in doing this!) they might as well have posted a “please rob our homes on [insert time and date] because we wont be home” message next to the invite

its  rude and dangerous – your Fiance needs to set them straight

Post # 13
Member
3302 posts
Sugar bee

Nip this in the bud!

Post # 14
Member
1736 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Would your parents be comfortable with talking to them? Given that they are the ones assuming the cost of the event, perhaps they are willing to say something if you aren’t? Either way, something needs to be said to your Future In-Laws – it can’t be one of those things that you just choose to ignore full well knowing it will be an issue!

Post # 15
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

This sounds like my in laws! My Future Mother-In-Law thought she could invite people by word or mouth! I’m having a formal sit down dinner that is $100+ a head! I wrote up this long email that detailed how the wedding goes and how much it is, what we are budgeted for and how many people the venue holds and made my fiancee send it to them. I’m not sure that they actually read it though. I haven’t seen as much as a dime from my in-laws though.

Maybe you can have your Fiance sit down with them and talk to them about how adding so many people will affect the budget. If the venue can hold more people, tell them that they will have to pay for these people’s plates and chip in for extra centerpieces and favors. Are you having any chair/table/linen rentals? If so, I’d roll those up in there.

I told my fiancee early on that I didn’t want to be the one talking to his parents about the wedding and that he had to do all the talking. Our FMILs sound similar and I don’t want to give her any additional reasons to dislike me.

Post # 16
Member
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

yeah, this isn’t a cookie fundraiser. it’s a wedding.

you have to talk to them and say they can’t do it!

 

sorry!!

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