Post # 1
Ok, so I’ve already sent out all of our invitations. Each of our parents asked for a few “extras”, MY parents told me who the extras were for (friends at work), and it was only 2 for my mom and 2 for my dad. Well, FI’s parents both asked for 2 extra as well, each of them are giving one to a friend, but then they’re each “posting” one in their break room at work. I asked Future Mother-In-Law how the rsvp would work and she said she’s going to put a note for them to rsvp to her and she’ll make a list. A LIST?! We asked both of our parents for a guest list waaaay back when we got engaged and I was not aware that all employees at my in laws work places would be invited. I would be fine if they picked a select few co-workers to invite then gave them the invites like my parents are doing. Their reasoning is that they don’t want to insult people by only inviting some co-workers and not others. I think that this is extremely annoying because I have no idea how big these lists are going to be. They are paying for somethings in the wedding (which we appriciate very much) but my dad is paying for the dinner and when each person costs $25, I get sort of queezy. Not to mention the centerpieces and favors that will need to be made if they both invitie a boatload of people. I already gave them the extra invities, it was after I handed them to Future Mother-In-Law that she told me what they were going to do with them.
Do you think I’m over reacting? I’m sure most people aren’t going to come, but there are always “those people” who are just nosey and will want to come for the free dinner.
Post # 3
Um, I’d be upset by this too. Can you tell her you thought she was only going to invite a couple friends, not make it a free-for-all?
Post # 4
I don’t think you are overreacting and I don’t think it is unreasonable for you (or your FI) to ask them for a number of co-workers they would like to invite and stick to it. I think it’s a little overboard for them to post a wedding invite at work and then let you know that 25 of their co-workers would like to come dine and dance with you! (for example)
Post # 5
yikes, i’d be annoyed too. Especially since your own parents only got 2 extras each. Maybe just explain that to her? Does she know how expensive dinner is?
Post # 6
I’m refusing to talk to them about anything controversial. They have not always been the nicest people to work with. If you bring money into the mix it always makes it way worse, so we can’t say the whole “well each person costs $25” and expect them to care because I’m sure they’ll think their entitiled to however many people because they are paying for some stuff as well. Both in laws have been very nice durring the wedding planning process, which we appreciate, but I almost feel like something like this will set them off. Future Mother-In-Law holds a grudge quite easily (at least with FI) so with the wedding being less than 2 months away I’m really afraid to rock the boat, but we can’t have an extra 50 people show up to our wedding either! 🙁
Post # 7
@jpmorgan: OMG !!
I would sooo be putting my foot down on this one… even if they are paying in money, they aren’t ENTITLED to do as they wish… when it is YOUR PARENTS who are paying for the meal. I would most certainly go back to the Inlaws and give them a number (after telling your Dad all this, and coming up with what number of folks sounds reasonable)
Just tell your Future Inlaws that the “cut off” point will be x amount of people, you’ll take on the first x number of names that she gives you… after that “too bad… so sad”
Sheesh some people !!
Post # 8
I think that your FH needs to have a serious sit down with his parents. This is something that he has to do. Like the others said, he needs to tell them that the guest list is done and you are not adding any more people. I mean really, what happens if everyone at work says yes AND brings there significant other?
Post # 9
Why do parents do this???? I would never go to a wedding of some person my mom works with but I don’t know. Why do they think they need to invite everyone THEY know even if that person has never met you. This baffles me.
And yes, I would be ticked! Fortunately, my mom is not inviting anyone because she would never do that. She knows it’s my and FI’s wedding.
Post # 10
Can you “blame the caterer” and say you need a firm head count, or “blame the venue” and say you are capped at a certain amount?
Post # 11
Um, that’s just unacceptable. Wow. If it were me, I would tell her to take it down immediately and perhaps even send her some links on etiquette.
If its simply a matter of cost (and there is space in your venue) and you don’t mind having more people at your reception, you should tell her that you’ll be happy to include those coworkers in the wedding and you’ll let her know how much it will be for all of them to attend once she sends you a finalized list (and you should give her a firm due date for the list).
Post # 12
bad form and rudeness aside (your inlaws are wrong wrong wrong in doing this!) they might as well have posted a “please rob our homes on [insert time and date] because we wont be home” message next to the invite
its rude and dangerous – your Fiance needs to set them straight
Post # 14
Would your parents be comfortable with talking to them? Given that they are the ones assuming the cost of the event, perhaps they are willing to say something if you aren’t? Either way, something needs to be said to your Future In-Laws – it can’t be one of those things that you just choose to ignore full well knowing it will be an issue!
Post # 15
This sounds like my in laws! My Future Mother-In-Law thought she could invite people by word or mouth! I’m having a formal sit down dinner that is $100+ a head! I wrote up this long email that detailed how the wedding goes and how much it is, what we are budgeted for and how many people the venue holds and made my fiancee send it to them. I’m not sure that they actually read it though. I haven’t seen as much as a dime from my in-laws though.
Maybe you can have your Fiance sit down with them and talk to them about how adding so many people will affect the budget. If the venue can hold more people, tell them that they will have to pay for these people’s plates and chip in for extra centerpieces and favors. Are you having any chair/table/linen rentals? If so, I’d roll those up in there.
I told my fiancee early on that I didn’t want to be the one talking to his parents about the wedding and that he had to do all the talking. Our FMILs sound similar and I don’t want to give her any additional reasons to dislike me.
Post # 16
yeah, this isn’t a cookie fundraiser. it’s a wedding.
you have to talk to them and say they can’t do it!