- 7 years ago
- Wedding: August 2011
Fi and I have been together for over 5 years now and until recently I felt blessed to have in-laws that I get along with and like. Fi and I have had a long engagement (it will total a little over 2 years when we get married this August). During that time, I had a feeling there would be some issues with his super traditional Catholic family, but I didn’t expect this to be an issue.
It began last year when his mom would act freaked out whenever Fi mentioned that I had bought something wedding-related. His mom questioned him a little to ensure we wouldn’t be eloping (which I wanted to, but Fi said no to that.) He assured her we wouldn’t elope and I thought that would be the end of the weirdness.
Last summer, his aunt asked if we set a date and Fi said yes and it was sometime in August, but he couldn’t remember which day exactly. In front of everyone, Fi’s mom says “We’ll see if it happens…” I wasn’t there and Fi didn’t say anything and just let her comment go.
The last time Fi went home to visit, his parents asked him why we were in such a rush to get married? Seriously? Five years of living together and seeing each other every day does not seem like rushing to me.
Through his sister, Fi just found out that his grandma doesn’t plan on buying a wedding gift for us until the week before it happens because she thinks we’re not going to go through with it and his mom agreed. (BTW, it’s not that I’m worried about gifts, just the meaning behind what was said.)
It’s little comments, but I’m really starting to get upset. Plus, I’m afraid that his mom is saying this kind of stuff to all his relatives and it’s really bringing me down about everything related to the wedding. It really doesn’t make sense to me because his family really seems to like me (the only thing they have ever expressed disliking about our relationship is that we’re living together and not married!) His grandma even tried pushing us towards getting married at the courthouse 2 years ago! They have no reason to doubt our relationship and they know we have made it through some very trying times and are stronger for it now.
Does this make any sense to anyone else? I really want to calmly ask his mom why she is saying things like this and try to talk to her and explain that our wedding will be happening this August, but she never makes these comments when I’m around (just to Fi and other family members), so I’m not sure that I should address it. Fi really doesn’t want me to confront his mom about it, but it’s getting to the point where I really don’t see any other option.
She lives about 3 hours away, so it would probably have to be through phone or e-mail (and I’m leaning towards e-mail because I can be sure to stay calm and not get upset/emotional about it.) What would you do? What should I do?
My only guesses are either that she thinks we shouldn’t spend our limited income on a wedding or possibly just that since she isn’t involved that nothing is happening planning-wise (I haven’t specifically asked her to be involved, but only because I didn’t want to hear a rude comment/cry at a family function.)
As a side note, Fi’s mom has never really supported any thing he does and is constantly critical of him. She has recently asked him things like if he’s mad at her from his childhood or what she should be doing differently with his teen sister, so I kinda think she may not be aware how her critical comments come off or might like to change that if someone had a constructive conversation about it.