(Closed) In laws talking about my part time employment status

posted 6 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
2577 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Hubby and I have no children, he works 5-6 days a week and I work 3.5 for similar reasons to you guys.

 

People have talked, so I counter it with the fact I pick up 90% of the slack at home, and also my job is SUPER stressful ( and super well paid- I get paid more for 3.5 days than most FT workers) and I would not be able to do it as well as I do without down time. 

We don’t want kids either.

In the end, you have to make the decisions that are right for you both, and the rest of the world can go and jump!

Post # 4
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

UGH. This is an issue for me too.  Before, I worked in retail..crazy hours, and he has always done the 9-5 thing.

But it’s MY family that is giving me grief over it. Darling Husband took a job 7 hours away-we were newly engaged, and we packed up and left. Who wouldn’t?! The deal was, I would stay home, take care of the after school activities for my daughter, and run the house. So what? My family seems to think that I just hooked up with some dude and ran off. (We were together for a year and some change before) With his job, I don’t have to work. I can throw my time and efforts into a million things (as I’m still in pajamas eating banana bread)

You would think, especially coming from parents that have struggled their entire lives, and are making together half of what Darling Husband makes, that they would be thrilled that one of their daughters is in a stable home, where her child is well taken care of, and happy.

 

I have stopped defending myself. At first I let them make me feel bad, and I was uncomfortable. Then I went through the snarky stage. Alot of “You’re right, it’s awesome that I get to sit on my ass all day and not do a damn thing!!! You should try it!” Now I’m just to the point where I ignore it. But it took a year to get there.

HMPH.

 

 

Post # 5
Member
5965 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Oh, well…odds are good they aren’t brazen enough to actually say any of this to your face, so at least they know on some level it’s none of their business who does what in your marriage and as long as no one loses an eye or bladder control your ahead of the curve!  But, if I did manage to overhear my inlaws speaking about me that way I would join in all excited and say, “Who are we talking about? There’s just nothing more exhilirating than pointing out the shortcomings of others!’  It would take one giant set of balls to counter that move.

And, being childless by choice myself, whenever someone asks me when we’re going to have kids I just say, “About the same time hell freezes over.”

 

Post # 6
Member
578 posts
Busy bee

yeah, I understand where you are coming from.  I hate knowing that I’m being talking and judged too, even if I know it is none of their business. 

It sounds like you and your Darling Husband have a great deal worked out right now 🙂 He has a better job, you don’t have to work as much, and you get to spend more quality time together. Do not worry about the haters and judgers. There is no rule about having to pull a certain amount of weight in a relationship. If it gets to be a real problem, maybe your Darling Husband could have a talk with them. That way they can get whatever they have to say out of their system, and he can explain what is *really* going on, so you don’t look like dead weight/moocher/whatever. 

I think it is awesome that you can work less and have more time to be with your Darling Husband. 🙂 

Post # 7
Member
1301 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@pineapple23:  I am sorry. Do what is right for you and your Darling Husband. It is no one else business. Also having kids is such a big dicision and only relevent to you and your Darling Husband. 
Best of luck xx

 

Post # 8
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

It’s hard doing what is “right” for you but a lot of people will judge you unfairly. I work between 2-7 am so nobody “sees” me or “hears” about me going to work and judges me. (How many times can I talk about me cleaning poop off a toilet and stay interesting? LOL ) So they always ask, “Do you have a job yet?” UMMM yes I do … They forget I am working! They just think I sit home all day doing nothing.

I do go to sleep between 6pm -2 am and some people sometimes forgets that… and calls me on my cell, oops… and it’s so hard falling back to sleep!

Just shrug it off, and do know that they think working FT is the only thing they think is worthwhile… WE just know better!Wink

Post # 9
Member
620 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

They will stop talking at some point.

Your in laws are not paying your bills and you aren’t mooching off of them, so you don’t have to receive any condemnation from them for your career choices. In other words, it’s none of their business. 🙂

If they say anything to you, just tell them about how well this arrangement works for you and your husband. No need to defend yourself since you’re not doing anything wrong in the first place. I would bet that part of the reason why they talk is because they wish they could work part time as well, but aren’t able to.

Post # 10
Member
257 posts
Helper bee

::raises hand:: This is us too. Fiance works full time, I work part time. I pull in about as much as he does, but only work 25 hours compaired to his 40. When people stick their nose up at me, I remind them that even though technicly I earn more $$ per hour, but that our relationship is a PARTNERSHIP, not a compitition

Post # 11
Member
2548 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

No matter what you choose to do in life, you will either be judged, or be unhappy, making others happy. You need to find solace within your own decisions, and immediate surroundings, so that everyone else’s opinions don’t affect your emotional and mental state of health. It serves no purpose to live your life making other people happy, when it doesn’t affect them anyways.

Keep doing what is best for yourself and your husband, let the naysers kick rocks.

Post # 12
Member
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Everyone has something to say about about you.  Everyone, freakin busy bodies.  You do what’ right for your life, not theirs.  If you guys are taking care of yourselves and not borrowing money from them then it is absolutely none of their effin business!!!!

 

If my husband made enough to let me work part time both our lives would be better as you said, I am tired all the time!  Do what’s best for you two.  And if you don’t want kids so sad for them…

Post # 13
Member
1811 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I’m right there with you!  When Fiance and I moved in together we made a choice as a couple that I would quit my (horrible, stressful, low paying) job and take on all the domestic responsibility.  His parents had a big problem with it.  After I completed my degree I started casually looking for a job.  FI works constantly.  Most days I see him for dinner then he works from home until bedtime so I wanted to make sure that I would still be with him for dinner and on his one day off.  I finally found a job that is a good fit and his parents are still upset because 35 hours a week isn’t enough.  You just learn to get over all the talk.  It’s not their decision to make.

Post # 14
Member
56 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

We’re in a similar situation. Darling Husband works full time and I’m a teacher and it’s impossible to get a long term contract, so I’m constantly jumping from job to job (a week here and a week there at different schools) and I often end up with unemployed breaks in between. My in laws are fairly supportive, but I know they feel a bit like I’m not pulling my weight enough (even though I do most of the cooking/housework). Darling Husband actually likes me being around more because he’s a shift worker and there have been times when he’s been working nights and I’ve been working full time and we hardly see each other for weeks at a time. Note: We also don’t have children, although we have a very full-on Labrador!

Post # 15
Member
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@pineapple23:  

 

It’s none of their business, as far as I’m concerned. As long as you and your husband decided on it and are fine with it, then that’s all that matters.

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