Post # 1
I know many brides to be have frustrations with their future in-laws, but mine just never seem to end!
My fiancé is their youngest, and last son to get married and I genuinely feel that they just dont care about us or our wedding. My fiancé has a wonderful relationship with them and I thought I did for the most part as well, but when his brothers got marred they were involved in everything, and it was non stop talk about the weddings. For us they never bring it up, or ask what is new, or how the planning is going. They are always so consumed with the things going on in their other childrens lives, that it is clear we dont matter. Granted my parents are paying for approx 90% of the wedding, I still try to include them and want them to be interested. The way they are acting is making me start to have serious issues with them, and resent them. I feel like I am just going to flip one day! Help!!!
Post # 3
I felt this way about both my parents and my in laws… they didn’t focus till like a month before the wedding and honestly it was great. It meant that me and my husband didn’t have to worry about making anyone happy and really had full control over the wedding…. so my advice look at the bright side!
Post # 4
Hi! I’m not sure if this will be helpful, but one way to look at it might be to be grateful that you’re not dealing with the opposite. If you look around on some of these boards, there are definitely brides who are dealing with overinvolved, overcritical future in-laws. Laissez-faire can be a good thing!
My only other advice might be to try asking them for an opinion about something, like a minor detail. You could ask your future Mother-In-Law for her help choosing between two small details of something. Maybe they don’t feel that their input is wanted/needed because they aren’t paying for the majority of it.
That all said, even if they genuinely aren’t interested in the planning stages, it doesn’t mean they won’t show up on your big day to support you and be completely happy for you and their son! Perhaps they are a little burned out on the process, but that doesn’t mean they won’t love you and your wedding.
Good luck and I hope this helps. 🙂
Post # 5
I would try and look at the positive side of this – and that is they aren’t trying to force their own way over the wedding!
Inlaws are funny beasts, I’ve already had two sets…the first, I was very young, they didn’t like me, feeling was somewhat mutual…second set, got on very well with them, and I genuinely miss my late Mother-In-Law.
My FILs? Don’t like them. FFIL is very judgemental, Future Mother-In-Law is a professional ‘victim’. One of the first things Future Mother-In-Law said when we got engaged was ‘we don’t mind if you elope’…translation: ‘even though we really expect the whole big family shebang, we won’t help pay for it’. Fine, f**k you then.
Concentrate on your wedding and ignore them. If their lack of interest isn’t bothering your fiance, don’t let it bother you.
Post # 6
Thanks for pointing out a better way to look at this! It does help the situation a little. In a way I feel bad for my fiancé thinking his parents don’t care about him but I need to keep my mouth shut because he doesn’t feel that way.
Post # 7
To update on this and the situation and how it has not yet gotten better is…Since our engagement the oldest son, my fiancé’s brother has separated from his wife (she was supposed to be in our wedding), and the other brother just had a baby…so our wedding in at the bottom of the list on what’s important. My Bridal shower is next month and my Future Mother-In-Law is supposed to be throwing it with my mom, and we just found out she is going on Vacation and coming back the day before. Glad to see she wants to help. I am so frustrated, and can’t take it anymore! I am going to explode!