(Closed) In-Laws very against us having a baby, need advice (still TTC)

posted 6 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee

I’m dreading telling my family if we get pregnant, but in the end, if they’re not happy about it they’ll be the ones missing out. I’ve had to distance myself emotionally from my family lately just because they are so opinionated about my life. I appreciate their support, but I’ve stopped caring about their negative opinions and I tell them when they’ve hurt my feelings. In the end, I tell them that they can support me or not, but if they are going to voice their concerns over and over and over again, it isn’t being concerned, it’s questioning my judgement and I don’t appreciate it because I’m not repeating their mistakes and they need to stop being concerned that I will. I tell them I appreciate their concern the first time I hear it, but tell them that it’s my life if they keep it up. When it comes time to tell them, just be honest about it. If they are negative about it, tell them that if they don’t want to be supportive, it’s their choice, but you would love to have them in the baby’s life.

Post # 4
Member
2269 posts
Buzzing bee

@ScottishMrs:  “Get over it.”
It’s your womb, your body, your life, your decision. They can deal with it. Are they really going to look their grandchild in the eyes and think “Damn they should have waited.” 

I know I sound rude but sharing news like that shouldn’t be dreaded 🙁 

Post # 5
Member
1856 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

My opinion is that their feelings will likely change when a baby is a reality – it’s easy for people to say things like that when it’s a non-issue, but most people do come around when the time actually comes. Of course, some people aren’t baby people, and some people never think the time is right for other people and like to focus on the negative. In the end, it isn’t their decision, and one would hope that when you do get pregnant, they will have the decency and the sense to at least refrain from telling you how it’ll ruin your lives. I wouldn’t mention or discuss it with them whatsoever until you are actually pregnant.

I know the feeling though, although my in-laws aren’t rude about it at least. We are planning on trying toward the end of next year, and his mama (not knowing our plans) fairly regularly says “When you have a baby in a few years.” We already have a child (who is school-age), so we always think it’s kind of funny that she thinks we need to wait awhile longer…

Post # 6
Member
2269 posts
Buzzing bee

@kittyface:  omgsh omgsh omgsh. KIND OF unrelated but my Future Mother-In-Law says something similar all the time about “moving in together after you get married blah blah blah.”
Even though we’ve gone on vacations where we shared the same bed. Apparently that’s okay, just LIVING together isn’t. 

Post # 7
Member
7719 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think they’ll change their tune when you tell them (assuming you get pregnant).

Post # 8
Member
1080 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

my in-laws would be ecstatic, it’s MY parents who would probably feel exactly the way your in-laws would. Well, I won’t be finished with school until I’m nearing 30, and seriously one of my fears is waiting too long & not being able to conceive! This is how I see it- you’re married, who cares what other people will think. They will definitely get over it if you do get pregnant, so just try to hang in there & ride out any negative comments. Sucks that people can be so rude! 🙁 and parents will always try to parent their kids throughout their lives, now we are just old enough to make our own decisions if we strongly disagree with our parents 🙂 

Post # 9
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

They will get over it.

Post # 10
Member
4035 posts
Honey bee

@Torrid: Like other PP’s have said, it’s your body, your life and the decision is up to you and your husband. As long as you two have a stable income once you graduate and can truly afford a child, then I do not see a major concern.

Out of curiousity, are you two young or financially not secure? Just wondering if they have any other reasons to be really concerned…

Post # 11
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Your womb doesn’t take special requests.

Once there’s an actual pregnancy they will change their mind and probably be really embarrassed to realize they were saying that while you were TTC.

Post # 12
Member
1304 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Chrysoberyl:  Going away on vacation together is not the same thing as sharing responsibility for a household.

Post # 13
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I seriously hate people that give their 2 cents when it comes to starting a family.  DH has a coworker that says as much as he loves his kids….he wishes they would’ve waited b/c they never get to travel here overseas.  And that we shouldn’t even consider it until we move back to the states….umm, I’ll be 40 by the time that happens.  

I wouldn’t say anything else to them about it ATM.  They will change their tune when you do get pregnant but the last thing you need is the stress of family telling you what to do in your own marriage.  

 

Post # 14
Member
1095 posts
Bumble bee

I’ll echo what PPs said, it’s your body and your choice. However, I would definitely say that it’s a wise decision to wait until you are finished school to have a baby. Its a lot of responsibility to have at once (school, work, baby) and one if not all are bound to suffer at some level.

Post # 15
Member
2011 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

they will change their mind once in that situation.

My fiance and i were terrified of telling his parents. He had a scare with his ex Girlfriend who was pregnant and his mother had a full blown panic attack and disowned both of them. It turned out that his ex was cheating on him and the baby wasnt even his but it definately made us wary of sharing our news.

A few weeks before we found out we were pregnant his cousin announced she was expecting and my FI’s parents were dissapointed because they werent married.

3 weeks later we told his parents were were expecting and they were both absolutely fine. Tey had their concerns. mainly about the wedding which was already booked and the oneymoon etc, but his mother has got really into in and is looking forward to be a grandma.

Post # 16
Member
3720 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My two cents aren’t popular, but no one ever finished my grad program who had a newborn and my mom’s college class is filled with parents who thought they could do both, but ended up needing a 2, 5, 10, or 18 year break to focus on their family. Can you do both? Absolutely, but it will suck. Your in-laws may be trying to spare you from unnecessary struggle. Only you know what is right for you, but I wouldn’t want to do both.

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