Post # 1
My own family has decided not to visit my husband and I, even after I’ve asked them a few times to come up, because they feel that visiting/bothering/staying with a newlywed couple within a year after the wedding is a faux pas.
My husband’s family has a different view and my MIL wants to visit us in the fall after our spring wedding. My guess is that they are honestly trying in their own way to bridge the distance. It’s her son, after all.
How do you feel about that? I’m not going to get started on how I feel about a visitor to our incredibly modest lovenest apartment. I ranted about that already.
Post # 3
- Wedding: October 2010 - Ladder 15 Restaurant
Personally, I think if you have a good relationship with your family and your husband’s family, I see nothing wrong with seeing everyone after the wedding. If your MIL wants to pester you, drop by every day, or show up unannounced, that’s another story.
I think a wedding is a very exciting time in not only your lives, but your families’ lives as well–they probably just want to check in with you guys and make sure you’re settling into your new life together! Your MIL probably wants to take the time to know you a little better too if she lives far away!
Post # 4
I dont think there should be a time frame, unless the fact is that you don’t like your in laws.
Post # 5
I don’t think there should be a timeframe at all!
I see my parents monthly (sometimes they stay a night with us and sometimes we stay a night with them).
We see FIs dad weekly (he lives in the same city and doesn’t stay with us).
We see FIs mom every few months (she lives 4 hours away) and she will stay for a few nights when she comes.
I do not expect this to change and hope it doesn’t change after the wedding. I don’t see why being a newlywed would change our visiting patterns!
Post # 6
I don’t understand why you think there should be a time frame in which they shouldn’t be visiting you. I can understand not necessarily wanting a guest in a 1 bedroom apartment–that’s uncomfortable, but I don’t see how a weekend is a big deal.
They live far away and want to spend time with you guys. If you want your parents to come visit, why is it weird that his do?
I dont’ think it’s so strange. Then again, my parents live 5 hours away and come visit. And stay with us. But if we didn’t have room, I’d ask them to get a hotel
Post # 7
Oh, maybe I was confusing. I’ll clarify:
My parents feel that visting within the year is inappropriate, etiquette wise, which is why despite my husband and myself wanting them to, they won’t. I had heard this from a few other relatives, but I wasn’t really sure if this was an etiquette issue with others.
I think my folks would have a different view on this if we lived within driving distance, because then we wouldn’t be burdened with playing host to them. Hosting guests in my family, whether they physically sleep in your house or not, is not trivial. And I would love it, but they don’t live nearby and thus don’t wish to.
Plainly speaking, my husband would rather not have his family visit us. He wouldn’t mind my family at all. A weekend truely may not be a big deal, and like I said, I put myself in their shoes and I try to be an optimist: perhaps they’re just trying to bridge the distance, get to know where we live, spend time with us, etc.
Post # 8
- Wedding: May 2011 - Bartram's Garden
I don’t think there should be a time frame. But the boy and I have been living together for four years already, and his parents always come to visit us once or twice a year.
Post # 9
My inlaws came over our first night back from our HM for dinner– they come over about every 3 weeks now, but we go see them(45 min away) about 1-2x a week. My mom came up to visit from out of town 3 weeks after we got back from our honeymoon– we wanted her to stay a weekend for her birthday. We’ve got a guest bedroom in our apartment–it wasn’t a big deal.
That’s sweet of your parents to worry about etiquette, but–they are family! I think as long as its not every weekend– it’s ok! Life goes on after the wedding. 🙂
Post # 10
FI is very close to his family – we’ve visited them and both sets of parents came for Thanksgiving last year. I do not think it is breach of etiquette for them to visit newlyweds. But, since your husband isn’t interested in having his family visit I would politely suggest to the family that your house is too small to host them, you are busy right now, and you would much rather visit them instead. Then book a flight so they won’t try to make plans to visit you. That’s how I deal with my mom, whom I love, but who wants to visit when I’m too busy to have her.
Post # 11
i’d be sad if we didn’t see our families for very long. we both live close to our parents, so it’s not a big deal for us and we see them both weekly usually.
Post # 12
It never even occured to me to want some newlywed space (so long as they aren’t trying to hitch a ride on the honeymoon!). We’re leaving our dogs in PA with my paretns while we’re on our HM, so we’ve been BEGGING someone to come visit once we’re back – I don’t want to be without my poochies!! We’ve literally invited EVERYONE.
I didn’t read your post about your lovenest, but we live in a showbox Manhattan apartment, so I can def feel you on the tight quarters. Four adults & 2 dogs gets pretty rough for a weekend when our paretns come to visit! My brother, his girlfriend and son are planning a trip for sometime this fall, and I’m already trying to figure out how we’ll work shower schedules!
Post # 12
I see my MIL at least once a week, if not more. We have an AWESOME relationship, though. And she only lives 20 minutes away. 🙂 My mom lives 10 hours away, though, so we only get to see her about once a year. But I don’t see anything wrong with your ILs wanting to come visit – like you said, she’s probably just trying to bridge the gap and get to know you better.
Post # 13
My family is HUGE on etiquette and I have never heard of the 1-year rule. I don’t see anything wrong with parents visitng at a time that is mutually convenient for all.
Post # 14
I feel like this is a personal decision about whether you would like visitors more than it is about any rules of etiquette. My fiance’s family lives very far away and we would just be happy to see them whenever they could manage the trip.
Post # 15
Wow, so your parents are saying that they don’t want to see you for a full year after the wedding? I’d be pretty sad if we didn’t see either of our families for a year after we got married. We’d miss a whole lot…like the birth of our neice and such. I think there isn’t really a time limit when it comes to visiting.