In-laws went crazy after baby!? Advice

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
8056 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

xst0rmsb0rnx :  is your husband on board with the no social media and no kissing? If not that’s setp 1. Your in-laws will NEVER listen to you if your husband isn’t in agreement. Does your husband see how they treat you? And is he ok with it? Most in-law problems are really husband problems in my experience. If you and he are united then they either have to shape up or ship out. 

Post # 4
Member
503 posts
Busy bee

You and your husband need to get on the same page, so his parents will be on the same page seeing you as a united front.

But no, you don’t have to feel bad and you do have the right to request those things.

Post # 5
Member
2284 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I agree with the poster above. You don’t have an inlaw problem, you have a husband who either doesn’t mind his family’s treatment of you, or is too afraid to stand up to them. Neither is a very good situation. I agree you might as well be talking to the wall if your husband won’t back you up. Have you tried talking to him about this?

 

ETA: Before you call up your inlaws to tell them off, you had probably better give your husband a heads up that you plan to do so. Maybe he’d rather let you play bad cop. Just know that even if he blesses your plans to tell them off, he may back down when confronted with the directly and then you are back at square one.

Post # 6
Member
64 posts
Worker bee

You need to sort things out with your husband first. You can’t cut off his family if he acts like everything is fine. 

You created a boundary, and they are pouting. Let them. Enjoy the time you don’t have to see or talk to them. If they want access to the baby they will have to follow the rules. 

Post # 8
Member
2284 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

xst0rmsb0rnx :  I’ve seen that before. Someone is too afraid to set rules, so they try to hide behind someone else who does have the balls to do it. That’s all well and good, until the scared person is confronted directly, out of earshot of the ballsy person, and they completely cave.

 

I guarantee you your Mother-In-Law will wait until you aren’t there, and say,  Mr. Xst0rm, Xst0rm called us up and told us we can’t kiss your baby or post her picture on social media! That’s ridiculous! You don’t think that, do you? And then it will be up to him to either confirm that yes, he does agree with you and he 100% expects her to respect that, or no, his wife is just crazy and hormonal and overprotective and of course Grammy can do what she wants. I hope it’s the former, but…

Post # 9
Member
9595 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

xst0rmsb0rnx :  I wouldnt call them and tell them off. I would just stop seeing them. And when they ask your Darling Husband why, he can explain. Let him deal. You just block them on social media and cut them out of your life until they can 1) apologize and 2) respect you. Then if you wish you could slowly fold them back in. 

Post # 10
Member
8056 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

xst0rmsb0rnx :  yea you definitely have a husband problem. You need to talk to him about this and if he doesn’t think he can stand up to them then you should see if he’s in agreement to cut them out of your lives, at least temporarily. It doesn’t need to be a big thing just always be “busy” for awhile. Right after my daughter was born I was alone with Mother-In-Law for a day and when my husband got home and she left I started sobbing. She was supposed to be there to help me and all she did was make my day 1000x harder. Without hesitation my husband said “then she won’t be back until you’re healed and ready”. That’s what supportive husbands do. He didn’t say “well you did XYZ and now Lilli can’t stand to be around you” he just left space. Even when she picked up on it and asked my husband he said “we just need space, please let us have it and we will call you again when we’re ready”. Our relationship with her is still fine – but it wouldn’t have been if we didn’t take that cool off period. 

Post # 11
Member
746 posts
Busy bee

Get yourself over to DWIL at babycentre. Your husband needs to be a good father and husband first before he worries about being a good son to them. 

First off, if they can’t respect you they don’t get to come into your home. Secondly, you are the parents and you decide what the rule are for your child and if they don’t like it then too bad so sad-they don’t need to interact with her or the rest of your nuclear family. It’s his family so all contact can go through him once you’re a united front on your decisions. 

Post # 12
Member
602 posts
Busy bee

Your husband needs to be on your side and firm with them. If they don’t do as you ask then I’d revoke their visiting priviliages. 

Post # 13
Member
405 posts
Helper bee

tobeornottobe7 :  This! 

You guys get to set the rules according to what is best for your and your child. Your husband needs to be on the same page and back you up (including giving distance with his family until they are able and willing to respect the rules of your household and be kind and respectful to you). 

Post # 14
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I would cut contact. You don’t want your daughter around that. If your husband becomes upset by this, you can explain that you can’t spend time with his parents until they agree to respect you and your wishes for your daughter.

Post # 15
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

As the pp’s have said, you have an Fiance problem.  He ‘s the one that needs to set the boundaries with his parents.  Since he won’t do so the only recourse is couples counseling because you can’t solve this problem on your own.  He’s been conditioned since childhood to accept this behavior and he expects you to accept it as well.   I also suggest you go to DWIL nation (dealing with inlaws).  They are harsh but will tell you exactly what you need to hear so be prepared.  These are people with experience.

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