(Closed) in lieu of favors…

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
588 posts
Busy bee

I actually like reading that the couple donated. As a guest I’d be like “oh, they skipped favors? Oh! No, they donated instead. That’s great, I’d much rather have them send the money to something worth while than give me useless stuff.”

I really don’t see it as a braggy  thing

Post # 17
Member
2175 posts
Buzzing bee

I think its a nice way to include your dads in the day. I would definitely not be offended by it or see it as the couple bragging….not sure why anyone would take it that way. I would find it very cool and a much better use of money than a favor. Follow your heart!

Post # 18
Member
756 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I would personally not make any mention of cancer or anything any relative died of at my wedding.  Pictures would be fine, but I would totally side eye “cancer handouts”! 

I didn’t do favors or a donation.

Post # 19
Member
986 posts
Busy bee

I agree with the majority and would skip announcing the donation with a sign and just make it on your own. I do think you can still have their photos and some type of “memoriam section” or something to highlight your fathers, but I dont think the sign/photo/whatever you decide to highlight them needs to include that you made a donation to a cancer charity. 

Post # 20
Member
429 posts
Helper bee

I think it’s better to put photos of both fathers instead. And there’s no need to mention “in lieu of favors.” Although favors look great in pictures, people don’t care if they get favors. I think most favors go to waste. 

Post # 21
Member
12667 posts
Honey Beekeeper

It’s also never appropriate  to direct your guests on what or whether to give a gift, even if it’s to charity in lieu of something tangible. Gifts are voluntary and at the total discretion of the giver. They shouldn’t be encouraged, suggested or even mentioned in any way. 

Post # 22
Member
40 posts
Newbee

molokoa:  totally disagree, guests give a gift to celebrate the married couple…also given because the married couple has given you the gift of a large party.

favors are just a stupid add on that no one cares about.  I dont think a single person would care or remember if they did not get a favor, so I seriously think this point is not valid.

If your guests say “what a bitch, she didn’t give us a crappy 3 dollar bottle opener or jar of candy and donated to cancer!!!!!”  you hang out with some pathetic people. 

I think this is a lovely idea.

Post # 23
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2016

weddingmaven:  I don’t see a problem with suggesting guests to donate to a charity in lieu of gifts. You say gifts shouldn’t be mentioned, but what do you think a registry does?

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 6 months ago by  meatbally.
Post # 24
Member
12667 posts
Honey Beekeeper

meatbally:  Again, traditional etiquette frowns on registries for just this reason. However, even in the eyes of more lenient etiquette guides, the difference is that a registry is never a direct request. They are meant to be considered a list of things the couple is collecting for the home. People actually have to actively search it out on their own. 

Post # 25
Member
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

You can do whatever you want, it’s your day! You don’t have to have favors, and if people are offended that you don’t have them, or by a card that states you made a donation in honor of a loved one, that’s pretty silly in my opinion.  🙂

Post # 26
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee

KB87:  Both my parents died of cancer before I got married. Instead of having flower decor and a bouquet, I took the money and used it towards a huge, gorgeous, and bright floral memorial along side my parents’ wedding picture. It was really beautiful and touching to everyone at my wedding that knew them.

I would suggest that you go ahead and donate as you wish, but not put a sign up at your wedding saying you did. Find another way to memorialize/tribute your loved ones at your wedding. No one will miss the favors. 

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