(Closed) In love or just best friends?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
54 posts
Worker bee

I still get butterflies everytime I look at my guy and he have been together for 3 years.

If you don’t wanna have sex with him anymore, the relationship is doomed imo

Post # 3
3534 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

View original reply
koalaboo:  DH and I have been together two and a half years.  Our sex life has decreased, but we still paw at each other and snuggle and other romantic things… and I still find him attractive (like he will be changing and I think to myself “I get to have sex with that!”).  I also have a naturally low libido, which I discovered with my ex, so I didn’t have to question it with DH.  I think only you can answer if you are in love with him, or just love him.

Post # 5
7439 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Well, sex shouldn’t really hurt, so you might want to ask your gyno about that.

About your libido, is it just sex with your SO that doesn’t interest you, or is your sex drive in general totally nonexistent as well? I find that I go through phases of just having a low libido in general (being on the birth control pill definitely factors into this too…I think it really hurts my sex drive). Are you on birth control by chance?

“Is there a point where your relationship morphs into being best friends who love each other, and not in the romantic sense?”

In my experience, sex is always the most “exciting” in the early days of a new relationship. My Fiance and I still have sex 4-5 times a week, but in the beginning it was multiple times a day, and was literally all I could think about (I was CONSTANTLY turned on even when I wasn’t around him….it was amazing!). After a year and a half together, I no longer spend my days fantasizing about him, but I’m still very much sexually and romantically attracted to him. If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t be marrying him. 

Post # 6
9575 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I think sex drive ebbs and flows but I make a point to have regular sex anyway for the intimacy and trust it creates. But even when I’m feeling lazy or whatever I am always attracted to my DH and find him sexy af. I don’t think someone has to be conventionally attractive to be sexy, it’s personal and in the eye of the beholder and can have a lot to do with personality- but I do think if you’re not sexually attracted to them at all anymore its not a good fit.

But don’t make a rash decision- passion ebbs and flows, like I said. 

Post # 7
54 posts
Worker bee

It is true that we don’t hump like bunnies anymore every chance we get.

That being said, he turns me on in every way (physically and mentally). I used to date a guy that was perfect on paper but I just didn’t want to have sex with him cause he was a lousy lay and looking at him didn’t inspire one passionate thought.

Don’t settle for Mr. Good Enough just cause he is great at everything else like I almost did. There is that perfect guy that (for you) is perfect at everything

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by  Khaleesy.
Post # 8
2216 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Our sex drive has decreased over time, we’re coming up to 6 years together, and our sex drives respond differently during times of stress (mine plummets and his shoots up). If we’re both really stressed there can be a strain. What really killed my sex drive was birth control, I tried the implant and the pill. Both killed my sex drive and made it very hard and time consuming for me to become naturally lubricated to enjoy sex. We purchased some lube and that helped but my sex drive didn’t increase until a few months of being on no birth control and my hormones going back to normal. So I know condoms can sometimes kill the moment but for me with hormonal birth control there were no moments to kill.

Talk to your doctor about it hurting and buy some lube, see if that helps.

Post # 9
4751 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

My Fiance and I have been together for 9 years and every time I look at him I can’t stop thinking about how much I adore him and how gorgeous he is. I think that it’s normal to have less butterflies than when you first got together, but I don’t think you should feel strictly platonic.

Post # 10
1082 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

After many years together I do feel like my husband is my best friend, however I also still feel very romantic towards him. Seriously, I still daydream about him sometimes! 

I think 2 years is a very short amount of time as far as relationships go, and if you’re having these questions now, it’s likely to get worse. I wouldn’t want to be married to someone I saw as a friend, personally, even if they were perfect on paper. I need sex and romance, too. 

Post # 11
3242 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Two years is barely into long term OP. DH and I are coming up for three years in August and I do not consider us really really long term. We are only just out of the honey moon phase and we’d still be in it if I hadn’t become seriously disabled. I fancy the arse of him when he’s farting on my lap being silly. I fancy him when he smells like gross, stale sweat from his intense workouts but insists on cuddling right into me. Yuck.

Post # 12
859 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

You’re not always going to be in love. “In Love” does not last… LOVE is what lasts. anyone who thinks they will always be butterflies-in-love is very immature IMO.

It’s important to have a good balance and that the times you are not “in love” don’t last very long but its natural for any relationship to have ups n downs.

Post # 13
1167 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

DH and I are coming up on 11 years.  Yes, sex does have a tendency to decrease in frequency over time.  I think we average about twice a week now.  You throw in work, stress, and just other stuff you face as an adult, all that impacts your sex life.  Do you have a lower sex drive?  That might be it.  Sex shouldn’t hurt, so it’s either your SO is not doing it right or there’s something physiological going on there.  I mean I know couples that don’t have sex that much, like once a month, but their relationship still works for them.  However, you should be sexually attracted to your SO.  Sometimes, I look at DH and my heart just bursts with romantic feelings for him.  I just find him so attractive.  And I know, DH feels the same way about me, because he tries to touch me every chance he gets, in private or in public.  He’s not always subtle about it either.  For me, I can’t wait to go on vacation, so we can just have a lot of time and sex together.  I have a pretty strong sex drive though.  DH’s is actually lower than mine.  In end, I think sex is important, but it’s of varying importance to different people, and just b/c you don’t have mind blowing sex all the time doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed for failure.  Although, I have to say once you do have mind blowing sex, your libido definitely will spike. 

Post # 14
7887 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I agree it would be worthwhile to ask your doctor about the pain associated with sex and the decreased libido. 

Post # 15
1578 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017 - Ocean front

I felt compelled to jump in on this thread….as my FH and I are both on the same page with regards to sex lately….we could care LESS about it.  We work hard, and have become a little lax at hitting the gym so are a bit out of shape which I think could very well be playing a part, but we are on the same page so I have not seen this as an issue.

We are in our mid 40’s and we both admittedly dont get the “urge” much anymore, but remain very sweet, caring and cuddly with eachother. We have the best times, share a mutual respect for each other, and the list goes on and on I truely love this man.

I guess I never worried too much (as we are both on the same page) unlike some of  my girlfriends who share stories that they want more (or less) than their SO which causes thier relationship alot of friction…we dont have that, so I have never considered it an issue and it’s been like this for I’d say the last couple of years (together 4.5) when I guess everyday life and stress, tiredness took us over and we didnt find it as imporant. 

I have had my share of bad past relationships that were full of passion and lust, but ended in terrible hurt and pain. 

My FH and I very rarely fight, have alot in common and truely love eachother. We have shared similiar stories of heartbreak with people from our past who didnt treat us right or have a fraction of the qualities that we share that have formed our solid foundation of trust, mutual respect, and a very fulfilling life together…I always look forward to seeing him at the end of my day and visa versa.  

I can’t say that this thread hasnt got me at least thinking that maybe we should try to foster more sexual initmacy in our relationship….the fact that neither of us seems to have a sex drive may be tough…who’s going to initiate?! LOL

It comes down to, I just can’t imagine either of us choosing to end the best relationship we have ever had to go and find someone to have sex with…not to mention I would be heartbroken without him, and have grown very close to his two kids and family over the years, to throw this all away for sex, again seems strange since it is not an issue for either of us.  

When our sex drives started diminishing we did talk about it and checked in a few times so we were on the same page. We agreed we both love each other dearly, and that the fact we were both over our ideal weights and felt unnatrractive overall, tired from the daily grind etc was the cause and we would make efforts to improve our health (still workin on that!) and by default this may create more sexual desires I guess.

I hope I havent had my head up my ass, being so happy and content for the first time in my looooong life?!? uuugh : / 



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