Post # 1
Member
23 posts
Newbee
My wedding is in 6 weeks and I think I have major feelings for my fiance and I’s mutual friend (he does the feel the same) and I don’t know what to do! I’ve been just trying to ignore my feelings because I do love my fiance, he’s a wonderful guy. I’m just sooo stressed out it makes me feel sick even thinking about it.
Here’s a back story… I met both of these guys at the same time a couple of years ago when I started a new job. They both worked with me at the time (neither of them do now) and the 2 of them have been friends for about 10 years. I met and started talking to the other guy before my fiance but he had a gf at the time so I kinda just let it go, ignored my feelings and started dating my fiance.
Since then me and my fiance had gotten engaged and the other guy has broken up with his gf. He’s gone on dates here and there and nothing has worked out for him. He’s a groomsmen in our wedding and his daughter is our flower girl. Well I went shopping with him and his daughter for her dress the other day and she kept saying that she wants me and her dad to get married. I didn’t think anything of that really but I mentioned it to somebody at work who knows all 3 of us and she said “you should probably know that he (other guy) has been head over heels for you since you started here and he hasn’t known how to tell you(which I kinda already knew).” I’ve had feelings for him this whole time off and on too.
Now it’s about 6 weeks from my wedding and I don’t know what to do… Should I tell him I know about his feelings for me or should I just let it go?
Post # 3
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
@bohemianbride: You should just let it go. It’s just jitters, or you wouldn’t get sick thinking about it. I know the feeling, and it will go away!
Post # 4
Member
658 posts
Busy bee
@bohemianbride: wow… well, how do you feel about your fiance? Are you in love with him? Can you see your life without him?
Post # 5
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
@aicila: +100000…. you don’t mention once in this post how you actually feel about your FI, OP….
Post # 6
Member
658 posts
Busy bee
@Baroness_Meg: that was my concern. I think she might already know what to do.
Post # 7
Member
1936 posts
Buzzing bee
@bohemianbride: I would caution you that the grass is always greener… and the idea of something new and fresh, even forbidden, can have a tempting and alluring affect on you. You will always wonder “what if” but my advice is to let these feelings go. Unless you are totally and completely 100% sure that you are OK with hurting your fiance, destroying a relationship (actually, a few – yours, and their friendship, plus your friendship with the groomsman), then explore it. But I would guess that the shine will soon fade were you to leave your fiance for this guy.
I echo a PP’s question: how do you feel about your fiance? Do you love him? Feel passion for him? Want to build a life with him?
This is a very hard decision, because one choice involves a certainty – your fiance. The other, it’s unclear. Would the relationship even work? Would you move in with him and then find that he has habits you absolutely can’t stand? Are you willing to risk what you have now for what only might be?
Post # 8
Member
23 posts
Newbee
@aicila:
I do love my fiance. He’s a great guy, super sweet and caring. We’ve been fighting a lot lately (mostly about little stuff) which could be causing me to have second thoughts.
Post # 9
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
@bohemianbride: I think you need to call off the wedding. You’re in love with another man and you’re getting married in 6 weeks. Those feelings aren’t just going to go away after you get married to your FI. It’s not right to marry your FI if you’re not 100% committed to him. Also, if you do call off the wedding, don’t jump into a relationship with the other guy.
Post # 10
Member
726 posts
Busy bee
Yikes. I guess put yourself in your fiance’s shoes. If the roles were reversed, would you want him to be honest & call off the wedding in order to avoid a potential mistake regardless of how much drama it will cause? Or would you want him to keep quiet and go through with the wedding, knowing that these feelings may just go away or they may create a problem?
Post # 11
Member
942 posts
Busy bee
@bohemianbride: yes, let it go. And distance yourself from the other man. Like another bee said, the grass is not always greener on the other side. You state that you love your FI, so if that’s true, you owe it to him to devote your love to him, and only him. Cut the temptation from your life.
Post # 12
Member
551 posts
Busy bee
@bohemianbride: If you have strong feelings for someone other than your FI, you should not be marrying your FI.
Post # 13
Member
1402 posts
Bumble bee
IN situations like this it’s tempting to think our lives are romantic MOVIES. This isn’t Love Actually.
Are you truly in love with this guy or do you like the idea of really having feelings for him because it’s more dramatic?
If you have real feelings I would call it off. I would be wrecked if my FI married me if he had feelings for someone else. If you do want to go through with the wedding then you need to do your best to cut off the friend. Either you are comitted to your guy or not.
Post # 14
Member
658 posts
Busy bee
@bohemianbride: okay. It may be that your fiancé is getting on your nerves.
My fiancé been annoying me for about two weeks. It all started at Jos A. bank when I said ” I prefer black” and he threw a tantrum. It was all nerves.
People get nervous and antsy during these times.
Post # 16
Member
1090 posts
Bumble bee
@BlondeBee: I agree with this.
If you always knew he had these feelings for you and you wanted to be with him then why even get engaged to current FI? Also, you would be jumping into a huge mess if you left FI for your friend. Friend may be in love with you but may also hugely value his relationship with your FI. Would you just start dating friend straight away? That seems kind of cold.
However, if you are the type of person to regularly have crushes on other men or letting other men’s feeling towards you effect your relationship then I would seriously re-consider getting married at all right now.
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