In love with fiance's friend (kinda long)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 137
Member
5893 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

@bohemianbride:  I’m more concerned with the fact that your Fiance totally bulldozed you into having a wedding you dont want–either he is very pushy or you back down just to avoid conflict. Either response is not good. There will be many other decisions you will have to make (life never gets easier–only harder with mortgages, kids, step-kids, elderly parents, illness, etc) and if he is pushing you to do something you dont want, that is bad, very, very bad.

AND you havent ironed out the kid issue. Please, please, please do not marry this guy if he is so wishy-washy on having kids. I have a friend who is with a guy who never wanted to have kids (she had one from a previous marriage), but changed his mind (we think to make her happy; they had a baby, now toddler), but now everyone is miserable. He’s starting to realize that wasnt the life he wanted and allowed her to talk him into something that he now regrets. 

AND how he handled the disagreement at the venue/catering (I cant remember), very very immature. I think that is how he gets his way with you. He has little temper tantrums and you give in. You will be doing this for the rest of your life, until you just wont recognize yourself.

I say dont marry Fiance, but not so you can be with NEW GUY. But because I think you and Fiance just arent right for each other. 

Post # 138
Member
394 posts
Helper bee

I think that the last 2 posters have made really good points.

From the things you’ve said, I’m not sure that either guy is right for you. I particularly agree with Deejayelle’s point about the friend being unfair in announcing his feelings at this point, and with Koikove’s point about your fiance’s behaviour at the caterer’s being a bit of a worry and immature.

From what you’ve said, I honestly think that you need to take a break from your current relationship and be on your own for a while. I don’t think that jumping into a new relationship would necessarily be right for you at the moment.

Good luck x

Post # 139
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’m not saying your fiance is Mr. Perfect here, but his friend is an absolute douche nozzle.  Seriously, what kind of man goes after his best friend’s girlfriend, and then continues to pursue after they become engaged?  And what kind of man wouldn’t think twice before destroying a decade long friendship?  Is that the quality of person that you’d want to be with?  Plus the fact that he’s been communicating his feelings about you to his little girl – totally not appropriate.  If you’re going to leave your fiance, then leave him.  But leave him because you’re not happy and you don’t see a future with him.  Don’t leave him for trash.

Post # 140
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

I think you should just be single.

Post # 141
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

How are you doing? Have you made a decision?  I hope all is well.

Post # 143
Member
394 posts
Helper bee

Glad to read your update! I think you did a very brave thing. Are you considering a relationship with the other guy? Good luck to you x

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