(Closed) In love with fiance's friend (kinda long)

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 92
Member
372 posts
Helper bee

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@Chicagochic:  Sorry! I meant that I completely agreed with what you wrote to the OP. THe rest was aimed at the OP. I see now that what I wrote was confusing!

Post # 93
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Oh some of these…. Selfish!? Hardly. Confused? Yes. Like others have stated, I would just take some time to yourself. Figure out what you want. Its not going to hurt to postpone. Especially if you are confused. Are people going to get hurt? Yes. You will possibly be one of them. But there’s no fun in pretending to be happy to make someone else happy. And in this situation, I would say think about yourself. You want to find that person who is going to make your life whole. The person who you could spend your life with happily. Maybe a weekend getaway with no outside communication, just you yourself would help clear up your mind just a bit. Good luck!

Post # 94
Member
13722 posts
Honey Beekeeper

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@Dareebs: +1

If you have strong feelings for someone other than your Fiance, you should not be marrying your Fiance.”

OP do not listen to anyone who says that it’s “just” cold feet or  pre-wedding jitters.  This is one time where  “I’m not sure” is  reason enough to postpone.    You need to be 100% sure.  I understand that weddings can be stressful, but if you are fighting already, maybe it’s not just “nerves” but a sign and a preview of things to come. 

Postponing doesn’t mean you have to end up with the other guy, but it does mean you get a chance to reevaluate where you are now.  

Post # 95
Member
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

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@bohemianbride:  I can imagine you feel awful about this whole thing. I think the thing to do is, put the other guy aside and ask yourself if you really want to be with your Fiance. Is it just fighting over little stuff right now? Or have you felt for a while that something isn’t right about marrying him? Just try to be really honest with yourself And don’t be afraid to feel whatever your feeling. But please don’t go ahead with the wedding if you. Aren’t completely sure. Whatever happens is what’s meant to be. 

Post # 96
Member
4304 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

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@bohemianbride:  Talking to your Fiance is absolutely 100% helpful advice if you are about to marry him in 6 weeks and have been harboring feelings behind his back for years.  Like it or not.

Post # 97
Member
1097 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think you should postpone or cancel the wedding. You need space to figure this out, even if you decide to marry Fiance. It’s better to go into it sure than the opposite.

Post # 99
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I don’t think this is pre-wedding jitters. I can say with 100% confidance that I will be marrying my Fiance because I am sure she is the one for me. 

I’ve been in a similar situation and you need to address guy number 2. Figure out what is going on. With that being said you need to let go of your Fiance. It’s not fair to him and there’s a quote that goes something like “if you’re torn between two people always pick the second person. Because if you really loved the first one, there wouldn’t be a second” or something like that. 

Post # 100
Member
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@bohemianbride:  Not telling him is so selfish, think about his feelings. He deserves to know you have feelings for HIS friend. Be a good person and tell him, and then try to work it out. But he should know how you feel before you walk down the isle, or you have already started your marriage with a lie, and what does that tell you?????

Post # 101
Member
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@lovelyMsValentine:  So true, i picked my second and it has been working great for almost 20 years!

Post # 103
Member
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@bohemianbride:  Not telling him and then walking down the isle is very selfish, if you choose not to tell him. 

Post # 104
Member
1467 posts
Bumble bee

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@bohemianbride:  its kinda concerning that you don’t seem to have any real issues or problems with your Fiance currently yet are interested in someone else. Even in marriage there will be times when you are slightly attracted to someone else, or they are slightly attracted to you, or the feeling is a little mutual. But the point is you don’t act on it. You do things to remove yourself from the situation and instead focus that love and energy onto your partner. Just based on what you said you may be suffering a little from “the grass looks a little greener” syndrome. But only you can know for sure.

Post # 105
Member
436 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

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@bohemianbride:  My main concern is that this guy is going to be in your life after you get married… he isn’t a random coworker, you know? That’s why it is hard to just cut him out. 

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