Post # 1
A little backstory- the place where my Fiance and I are getting married is owned by my great-aunt; who still thinks the world of her brother. He left my dad when he was five for a new family, and was not very involved, at the order of his new wife. He died when my dad was 19. We recently started thinking about ways to remember FI’s father at the ceremony. Fiance was very close to his father, who was the stay at home parent his entire life. He was 20 when his father passed. i also have my mother’s father who I was incredibly close to growing up. We want to honor the people who helped shape who we are; but that does not include my dad’s father. She is less than ecstatic about it. When she approached the memory table, we said we would include pictures of the person who is gone WITH US, but if there is no picture with us, they would not be pictured there. In FI’s opinion it gets a little creepy that way. How do I approach her brother not being included in the ceremony program?
Post # 3
@crr219191: Don’t tell her? Why does she have to know what is or isn’t going to be included in the program? Day of you won’t have time to explain. After you can have a conversation with her if she’s upset, but you’ll have more time then and won’t have the stress of planning on top of it.
Post # 4
I would just include his name in the ceremony program, to be honest, and leave him off your memory table.
Since your great aunt is allowing you to be married at her place, pretending that someone very important to her never existed could be a slap in the face, and listing the names of departed family members within a couple degrees of relation in the program is pretty standard and doesn’t have to be very personal. The memory table is much more personal, and hopefully your FI’s great aunt will be supplicated by just having his name in the program.
Post # 6
Me and my fi have lost grandparents, sadly he just buried his grandad on Moneay.
im going to say something at the wedding but I’m doing a memory table for my mum.
this is what I’m doing with a poem In the photoframe
Post # 7
I think that you guys bring up some good points. I guess as long as FI’s father is more of a focus, everyone would be happy. I think everyone can agree that the loss of a parent at a wedding takes a little more precedence than a grandfather I never knew. I just want to make sure that his father is honored, especially because he is a HUGE part of why my Fiance is the man he is, the man I am going to marry.
Post # 8
Thank you all for the feedback!
Post # 9
I had originally planned on having a table with a picture and a candle for each person – but unfortunately it would end up being quite a few pictures and candles. So instead my Fiance and I decided to include at the beginning of our ceremony before anything begins: “Before we begin, D & M would like to take a moment to remember the people who cannot be present with us today, but are in our hearts”.
My friend lost her father when she was young as well. What she did is reserved a chair in his honor at the front of the ceremony and had his old baseball glove on the seat. She then placed what would have been his boutonier ontop of it. After the ceremony she placed it on a small table with pictures of the two of them from when she was younger. 🙂