Post # 1
I have a huge problem. Recently my husband, his parents & my parents including me all got into a huge fight. Which has no solution yet. But in a few days time, I am gonna talk it out together with my husband. The thing is, my husband is insisting that we only get a house & live with his parents which I honestly know & feel its not healthy. But I dont know how to tell it to him without offending him even more. I cannot accept the fact & live with my in-laws. I want to build our family & live on our own. This is haunting me for nights & days.. The moment I think about it, I get shivvers & scared & start tearing… Please Please hellp me…
Post # 3
I got kinda similiar situation only thing – his parents wants us to move back with them in their flat (we are renting a flat for us two) and don’t want to understand that even if it would save us all some money we want to live our own life. They are constantly asking when we are gonna move and pressuring us but we always find excuses. Sometimes I feel kinda quilty and feel like my future husband could give in because he is paying the rent for our flat and during winter perion its a lot of money. But still i believe young families should live alone and build their own family. because you know, you can do whatever you want, no one will say you that you are doing something wrong for example doing dishes not like in laws want or something like that.
The only exception is in my opinion when parents are too old to take care of themselves or cos of illness.
Post # 4
@Mittu: Why is he insisting on living with your in-laws? I’m assuming that’s what the fight was about?
I agree with you. I wouldn’t want to live with my fiance’s parents, as I want to start our own lives in our own home. You need to sit down with your husband and figure this out without arguing. Just tell him your concerns, you are his wife and you are more than entitled to a say in this matter!
Post # 5
living with parents never works, all you can do is explain your concerns and hope that he takes you seriously. he can’t force you into a situation you don’t want to be in, that’s ridiculous!
Post # 6
I would take your husband out for a coffee date or walk in the park or your favorite spot and calmly ask him if you can speak to him about something that is important to you. I’d be honest with how this all makes you feel and explain why living on your own is best for the two of you. How are you suppose to be crazy newly weds with your parents around all the time?
If the issue is saving money than offer to cut some expenses around the house. Maybe you stay in on Saturdays and cook dinner together rather than go out. There are so many ways to save money….moving back in with your/his parents should be a last resort.
As for talking to the parents, maybe you could invite them over for lunch or dinner and hash it out over food and drink. Explain that in the end you’re a married couple and you’re both adults and you both can make your own choices without their input.
Good luck 🙂
Post # 7
Are you both able to afford living on your own or would this move be for financial reasons? Cultural reasons? What reason exactly is he giving you for wanting to live with his parents? I agree with you. I think it is really important for newlyweds to build a life together on their own. Unless there is big reasons and BOTH people agree it is the right decision to live with in laws, then I wouldn’t. Honestly I could never in a million years live with my in-laws. And my husband wouldn’t want to either but if he did I would be completely honest and tell him no. Tell him your marriage is your number 1 priority and you don’t see living with either parents as a way of building a strong foundation from the start. Good luck. Stand your ground.. you shouldn’t be getting shivers, be scared and tear up when thinking of your future with your husband..
Post # 8
The only way I would ever agree to such a situation is if someone in the family was physically ill and needed to be taken care of. I wouldn’t want to live with my spouse’s parents any more than I want to live with my own at this point in life! If they are elderly and need help that is another story, but other than that no way.
Post # 9
I see you’re in Malaysia, is this a cultural thing at all? I am wholeheartedly with you, living with inlaws is not ideal. Unless he’s talking seperate homes within a home? poor you, such a dificult situation =(
Post # 11
Thanks for all your replies & help…. This problem has still not solve…. My husband n I now live saperately… 🙁 After a very much heated up argument of so many things… He still insists on us moving in with his parents… but I will n can never agree to it… I am jus going to give him time to cool down n den will sit & talk to him about everything. To me, it is just not healthy living with in-laws either side… This cant jus happen… The young couple would never have privacy.. N moreover… for me I want my house to be my house… with my choice of furniture.. my choice of color… my choice of decorations… If we were to live with my in-laws, i hv 2 sacrifice all that…. den wher is my life??? Please carry on with all ur views on this… thanks & appriciate it.. 🙂
Post # 12
he can’t force you into a situation you don’t want to be in, that’s ridiculous!
Post # 13
Exactly… What are ways n things for me to tell him nicely n in a nice way? I dun wanna argue…
Post # 14
Isn’t this something you should have discussed and agreed on before getting married? What culture are each of you from?