In need of advice….

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
3266 posts
Sugar bee

Did you talk about having kids before you got married? Has he always held the position that he’s done since he already has 5? 

Clearly, there is a huge miscommunication here…

Post # 3
Member
7506 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

My advice: sit down with your husband and talk about your future and where more  kids might or might not fit into that. If you can’t get on the same page together (which doesn’t automatically mean he changes his mind) then you may need to end the relationship.  

Post # 4
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

This really isn’t something you can compromise on. You need to have a discussion with your husband. 

Post # 4
Member
2836 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

View original reply
cwangelita :  This would have been a good conversation to have BEFORE you got married, not after. I would sit down with him and have a discussion about it, you’ll need to discuss if he even wants more children, if you can comfortably afford them, etc. 

Post # 7
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2020 - La Jolla, CA

For the record, going off your bc does not mean you are forcing anything. It means you are making a decision about what you do and don’t want in your body. There are other non-hormonal forms of bc that you can use. 

 

But definitely have a convo with your husband about he baby. And definitely don’t just not tell him you went off your bc. 

Post # 9
Member
47377 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

This is a conversation for the two of you. Just as you have the right to decide if you have children, so does he. How could this not have been something you discussed and agreed upon before marriage?

Post # 10
Member
3761 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

Sit down and have a very serious conversation with him. You’re within your right to want children and he’s within his right to not want anymore. Make no mistake, this is a situation in which there is no middle ground. You BOTH either agree to try for a child or agree not to. You BOTH need to be in agreement on this, fully. A child is a lifetime commitment and if he’s done, then he’s done. At the same time, if you absolutely want a child of your own and he’s not on board, then I’m sorry, but this is not the right relationship for you and you need to find someone who wants to have kids.

Post # 11
Member
7302 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

The right time to have children was not when he proposed, and he knew it. So if he agreed to have more children, then you need to have that conversation with him. If he is not in agreement, then you need to cut and run – as fast as you can. Either he pushed under the rug what he really wanted or you did, but whichever is the case the two of you need to decide NOW what you want or part ways.

Post # 13
Member
1102 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

View original reply
julies1949 :  it’s pretty common for people who marry to think the other will change their mind about having one, or not having one. And sometimes you just don’t know. This isn’t like someone having kids, buying a house together, having health insurance together, even referring their partner as fiance/fiancee, and still not wanting to get married. It’s not so obviously black and white in that sense.

Post # 14
Member
1385 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
cwangelita :  Lying like he did is manipulative. It seems like he wanted to trap you into a marriage by pretending he wanted kids and then once you’re stuck telling you that he doesn’t.

In this case it sounds like you need to decide if no kids is a deal breaker. If you want children, then you’re going to have to find someone else who also wants kids.

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