(Closed) In Need of Advice fro Bridesmaid/Maid of Honor Issues

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1213 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

It seems you have different expectations on what a bridesmaid should do. I expect my BMs and Maid/Matron of Honor to buy their own dress and shoes, and help me on the day with bustling my dress etc. That’s pretty much it. I expect my sister will help me put together invites because we both love stationary, but she doesn’t have to. Remember bridesmaids are not slaves, and no one will ever care about or be as excited about your wedding as you. If you want them to do something, try making it a fun group activity like watching chick flicks while putting together favors.

Post # 4
Member
418 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Did you tell them what you expected of them when you asked them to be in your BP? If not, than you can’t expet anything of them. Honestly, when I’ve been asked and when I asked I never expected them to do anything. The wedding is my responsibilty, not theirs. I asked them because I want them to stand there with me on the day, not to do my wedding tasks.

Like I said, if you asked them and weren’t specific about what you expected, I don’t think you can really demand things from them now. You can let them know what help you need and if they offer, GREAT…if not, oh well.

Post # 5
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

If you’re the first getting married then perhaps the others just don’t have a sense of scope regarding how much work is involved in planning a wedding. The other side of this coin is to ask yourself how much they have on their plates right now. If someone’s got a job with crazy hours, a demanding or trouble family situation, or maybe they’re in college or university.

You could ask each of them to help you with a specific task. One could do flowers, one could do a shower, etc.

As far as I can tell, brides do generally tend to make all the appointments.

What you should do as far as MIA BMs… whatever makes you happy! Downgrade ’em if that’s what works for you IMO. Otherwise, just let ’em coast.

Post # 8
Member
1213 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I think being specific is really important, as well as giving them lots of notice. Try sending a ‘wedding newsletter’ email fortnightly and then weekly closer to the wedding. Then you can say something like ‘I’m meeting with the florist in (town) at 2pm on february 12th, I’d love you all to join me if you are free so we can have lunch before getting your opinion on all the gorgeous flowers!’ then you’ve said what, when, who, where, why and made it fun by having lunch. This is better then saying ‘who wants to go to the florist?’ which is vague and therefore unappealing.

Post # 10
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I know it’s disappointing, because really, the people you ask to stand up with you are typically the people you are closest to. So ostensibly, you would think they would be involving themselves because they want to be part of this exciting time in your life, not because it has been demanded of them.

PP’s have made really good points. Sometimes as brides we get wedding tunnel vision, so just make sure you are mindful of what’s going on in their lives, and ask for help accordingly. As the bride your life is wedding centric right now but, no matter how much they love you, their world is still going on as it did pre wedding. So, if Bridesmaid or Best Man 1 works 12 hour shifts, don’t ask her over on a Wed night to work on invitations after one of them, etc.

My SIL was a Bridesmaid or Best Man for me and did not help with anything before the weekend of the wedding. I knew this is how it would be going in though, so I never expected it. She has 2 kids, and she is just not the type of person to come over on a weeknight after the kids are in bed to work on crafts. She helped a lot on the weekend of the wedding though. She bought all the stuff for, and made up, 4 giant appetizer trays for the cocktail hour during the reception.

So, think about your girls, and their personalities, what their lives are like right now, and be honest with yourself about what you can and should expect from them. You won’t be disappointed then.

More importantly though, don’t let any of this cloud over this fun time. I had so much fun planning my wedding and a lot of the time it was just me and my mom working on stuff. Those are great memories I’ll always have though. Working on my invites in her kitchen, etc.

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