(Closed) in need of rationality.

posted 12 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
1563 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I was in a relationship with my now-husband for 7 years. We both waited until we were finished with our Bachelor’s degrees to get married and the practical choice was to get married before I moved away to attend graduate school several hours from home.

Believe me, I know how difficult the waiting is. But you don’t want to rush him to propose until he feels ready, do you? We had several discussions over the years regarding what time would feel “right”, but I never tried to pressure or persuade him to propose until he felt ready. Don’t worry about the ring itself.. What is truly more important to you? Having the exact ring you want, or being connected to this man for the rest of your life? The ring is a symbol of love and devotion to you, and it is the meaning behind the ring that is more important.

Post # 4
1652 posts
Bumble bee

Hmmm.  Do you think he is as supportive of you going back to school, as you’d like, or as he says he is?  When he said it’s a long way away, did he sound irritated by that?  As if to say, “That sucks.  It’s a long ways away.  We have to wait until you are done with school”

Do you think when he says it’s a long way away because he’s not ready yet, to get engaged?

4-6 years does seem like a long time to wait.  Although in some circumstances I can see why.  I don’t think someone has to be done with school to get married.  But I can see why it is easier to make it so.

When do you see yourself getting married?  Maybe you should just focus on getting started with school, and let the whole marriage talk rest for a while.  Your SO is right, you do have other things to think about right now.  Maybe you can revisit the marriage thing later.  You’ll have a better idea of your work load etc.  And you two can discuss the logistics of getting married sooner rahter than later.

Good luck.


Post # 5
6980 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

Is it at all possible that he just thinks having your input on the ring will make it less special? My bf did the same kind of thing. I told him about a year ago that I thought we should go ring shopping because I thought we might be married some day and it would be a good time bc we were not yet ready (and thus we wouldn’t ruin the surprise by shopping once we were ready). He said absolutely not. I let it drop.

A year later and he still doesn’t want to ring shop…… because he already enlisted my best friend to help him pick a ring she knows i’d love. 🙂

If that is not the case… I guess you just have to decide if he’s worth the wait. Guys can be slow. It sucks.

Post # 6
8375 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

It sounds relatively reasonable to me, depending on how long you’ve already dated. There are lots of guys who don’t want to be married until their half finishes college (of course depending on how old he is). It’s sort of that whole “finish what you start” kind of thing and there are lots of guys out there (and i feel really bad saying this–but i hear this from my coworkers who are all college-educated) that they couldn’t see themselves with a woman who doesn’t have an education, either (granted these guys are all quite educated engineers with phDs so i guess that makes sense??). Maybe he just wants you to strive for it?

As for the ring, maybe he just doesn’t want to give your hopes up yet if he sees you guys getting married in the next 4-6 years. You could talk about getting engaged in 2 years…2 year engagement, tada! That’s not really so bad.

I have lots of guys at work who don’t wear their wedding rings–they all work with their hands A LOT and neither did my dad.

And I don’t think it’s unexpected to have that reaction that you are having. You guys both obviously are on different pages time-wise and you’re straightening it out. Maybe there are more topics to discuss before you get engaged?

Post # 8
3579 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

My Fiance starting doing this about 8 months before the proposal!!!

I can’t promise you that he is doing the same thing – but he could be!

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