(Closed) In need of some advice please

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
2942 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

 

hegetsme:  Enablers are the worst!  DH’s friends, his sister and BIL and a lot of his co-workers smoke.  When it’s just him and me, he goes without smoking for months.  He made it three months without a cigarett after our wedding, until he went out with the guys for a night.  Then the bad habit came back because all of them stand in a circle outside and smoke.   Not saying it’s the enabler’s fault (like your husband, mine should not have asked for one!) but old habits and social norms die hard.  Maybe you help your husband remove himself from the enablers, even at work.  Talk to a supportive co-worker and see if when everyone goes out for the smoke break that I’m sure he wants to join and socialize, see if they will take your husband on a quick walk or something else to keep him occupied.

Post # 20
Member
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Yeah, when I found out my Dad was still smoking 3 packs a day after his heart attack, I kicked him where the sun don’t shine. That was 6 years ago. He hasn’t smoked since. My dad knows I’m not a violent/angry person, so for me to do that, I was beyond livid. I think it knocked some sense into him. However, that approach definitely won’t work with a husband. I am very sorry you are going through this.

Post # 21
Member
3036 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - Walnut Hill Bed & Breakfast

hegetsme:  good luck! it’s hard because he has to be receptive to the change. You could try purchasing one for him and get a flavor you’d think he’d enjoy and just give it to him. Maybe he’ll try it. Maybe he wont. We actually have a few local shops that specialize in them now and are very helpful if you need guidance. 

 

Post # 22
Member
2774 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I’m going to go against the grain here and remind you that what you’re doing is engaging in codependent behavior. This expectation that he jumps on the healthier bandwagon for you and your Dear Daughter is insane. From your nar-anon meetings you KNOW this isn’t the right approach. These feelings that because he put you thru hell for the past two weeks (and you stepped up big time) he OWES you something? You already know it doesn’t work that way. 

You  already know what the next steps are: get yourself help to stop feeling this anger and resentment, go to meetings, THEN decide whether you can live with an addict and someone who won’t take care of himself or not.

I know it sucks big time when you think you’ve escaped from the nightmare of addiction only to find yourself starring in a new one. But…this time you’re not helpless, not a child, not ignorant. This time you DO know what to do.

Post # 24
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee

 

Soon2ElopeBee:  +1000!! OP, sounds like you are on the right track now with your therapist and h. Best of luck!

Post # 25
Member
2774 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

hegetsme:  yay!!!  I’m glad you’re getting the help you need!!  

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