(Closed) In need of some help

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
786 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@MrsWe:  give him your number, if he asks again. dont do it because he “has money” you seam to like this boy…love has no perfect time.. what if hes the one and you just want to be alone for a while…he will move on and find someone else…i say keep all options open and why not try it out, i would just tell him “i want to take it slow, im just out of a relationship” if he is understanding with that then hes a goodone to try to take it slow with… 🙂

Post # 4
9952 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Give him your number… as @AndysCraftsNmore: has said in reality you don’t know WHEN Cupid will strike

I am betting this guy is reading your NEW self confidence… CONGRATULATIONS

But BEFORE you give him your number, go out an pick up a copy of Dr Phil’s book “Love Smart ~ Find The One You Want – Fix the one you got”

Be sure and read the Chapter on first dates… and then work on the LIFE PLAN & the list making exercises for WHO YOU ARE and WHO YOU WANT HIM TO BE

Those are really eye-opening.  And you’ll want to study the Chapter on Preparing for the First Date…

Knowing yourself, knowing what you want, and looking like you are seriously going to find it are powerful messages to put out there

Hope this helps,

(( HUGS ))


Post # 5
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

If YOU’RE feeling uncomfortable, or if YOU’RE not ready, then DON’T give him your number. Your friends may be pushing you, but really there is more harm in rushing into something than waiting for the time YOU feel is right.


You just exited an emotionally exhausting rollercoaster of a relationship. If you want to take more time to once again become an independent, confident, WHOLE person, then take that time. 


I may be biased. I was single until I was nearly 21, and I mean SINGLE. I had never even been on a date. Sounds pathetic, but honestly I think it is one of the reasons my first relationship is still going strong after 5 years. Because I was never part of a couple, never identified myself through an attachment, I was forced to really get to know myself. I lived alone, went out alone, and developed a very strong sense of self. 


I understand that mine is a bit of an extreme example, but I do truly believe everyone, and especially young women, should experience being comfortably alone. Right now is your chance to do that.


There are scores of men who are just as intelligent, charming, gentlemanly as this one. When you are ready, they’ll still be around. 


Post # 6
2987 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@MrsWe: I was in a very long, serious relationship (lived together, owned cars together, had dogs together, etc.) that started when I was 18, right after high school. When we broke up I had never been a single adult and was really looking forward to it – focusing on me and having fun. I joined OkCupid because I wanted to date casually and meet new people, but I specifically said on my profile that I was not looking for anything serious. 

Well, I went on one date and now have the BEST relationship with the love of my life. Sometimes we make plans and they end up not working out at all. If you like him, give him your number. You don’t have to marry the guy, but having a little bit of fun can’t hurt.

Post # 7
7437 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2013

I think it couldn’t hurt to try things out! I met my husband a month after getting out of a relationship. I wasn’t looking for it, it just happened. I hate to think what would have happened if I closed myself off to the possibility.

Post # 8
603 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I would do what is comfortable. If he keeps trying, tell him you just got out of a relationship and are not interested, and if he’s okay with that and is alright with a platonic friendship, I’d take him up on it. It’s always nice to make a new friend. 

Post # 9
1319 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - NH

After one relationship ended, I decided that after 6 months, I was comfortable with dating.  You have to be sure that you’re ready to let go of any prior relationship woes and that you’re done talking about it.  If you’re still talking about an ex to people, you’re not ready.  Once you let it go, move on and just date and go with the nothing serious.  I probably went on 40 dates before I met FH.  I wouldn’t give out my phone number to anyone I didn’t want a second date with unless they already had it from meeting through a friend.  I met him thinking it would be just another date with no chemistry, but it was there and well worth waiting to make sure I was ready!

Post # 10
2180 posts
Buzzing bee

@MrsWe:  I can’t believe so many people are telling you just to give the guy a try when you clearly said you were uncomfortable, embarrassed, and at the most would like to be platonic friends!

I think you should go with your gut and what you feel is right for you at this stage in your life. You seem to indicate that that is not jumping into another relationship, and that seems like a wise choice. I don’t think any harm can come from waiting until your old wounds heal a bit and then pursuing another relationship. I do think it’s possible to experience harm from jumping into a relationship to soon, because I have done this in the past.

If you are open to seeing this guy in the future, and I don’t know because to me you don’t seem that excited about him, I would tell the Jeopardy guy that you just got out of a relationship and need some time to heal, and what you’re looking for right now are friendships while you heal. Plenty of times I’ve seen friends become lovers down the line. I think it’s a great way to get to know someone without any pressure to have a romantic relationship, which could be the perfect set up for you if you might be interested and want to get to know him while you’re healing.

However, if you’re not interested and if you don’t think you’ll be interested, I think you’ll definitely be doing more good in flat out turning him down (but in a nice way). You’re doing both of you a favor by turning him down if you’re not interested because it will allow you to feel comfortable in your interactions and it will allow him to pursue women who might actually be interested in him. If you legitimately want to be friends after that, tell him that you JUST want to be friends and DON’T mention the getting out of a relationship/healing portion. To me that difference in wording makes all the difference in meaning.

When I said I don’t think you seem that excited about him, I’m definitely coming at this from experience, having experienced what it feels like to have just gotten out of a relationship and then meet multiple somebodies who actually piqued my interest, and I just didn’t see any of that emotion expressed in your post. It seems to me that your friends want you to go for him way more than you do, and there’s nothing wrong with knowing that you do not want to pursue things with him either at this point in time or ever. Not every guy you come across who is interested in you is someone you need to pursue.

Post # 11
3370 posts
Sugar bee

@MrsWe:  I say give him your number as long as you tell him you just got out of a relationship and aren’t ready for romance yet. The best romantic relationships usually start out as friends anyway.

Post # 12
7208 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@MrsWe:  while I would LOVE to see you in a happy new relationship with someone who appreciate you, if you’re not ready don’t fall to the pressure. You can thank him for his compliments and say you are flattered. But it is perfectly acceptable to tell him the truth- you are just out of a relationship, enjoying being single and not looking to date. If he’s fine with respecting that you can be friends and maybe when you are ready it will develope. 

Post # 13
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think you should wait till you are ready but you should also explain your situation to him. 

Post # 16
9952 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

@MrsWe:  Glad to hear.  It is a good read… self powering and eye-opening.

I guess I should have added to my first post…

I encouraged you to read the book so you are more knowledgeable this time round.

I also encouraged you to give your number (after you’ve done the reading) cause I truly believe it is good to get back out there… and try again.

That isn’t to say that you have to have a serious relationship with THIS GUY

The first one down the pike…

I am big believer tho in trying again

Infact I am a believer in a girl actually having some “practice dates” as she reinvents herself.

Whatever that is that she is comfortable with

For myself, I was terribly gun-shy and hurt after my Seperation / Divorce

So it worked out well that I had a guy friend who was as my GFs said “totally harmless” (we believe him to be gay and still in the closet)

Anyhow, we were friends, so we’d go out together… and have fun times… I KNEW 100% that nothing would ever happen with this guy, so I gained self-confidence.

And instead of sitting at home twiddling my thumbs, I was back out in the world.

Gave me an excuse to get my hair done, put on make up, dryclean my favourite dress, polish my shoes etc.

Made me feel good about me.

Between reading the book, feeling good about me, and getting out there in a non-threatening way… I was having fun… AND BEING SEEN

Being seen & looking self-confident was a HUGE BONUS

Pretty soon I was able to steer my own Social Scene without having to have my “Security Blanket” alongside.

And that was about the time I met Mr TTR

Mind you when Mr TTR first told me he was interested in me as more than a friend, I told him I wasn’t ready… I liked the relationship we had with common friends… part of a bigger circle

Lol, in time Mr TTR wore me down (he was so adorable / caring… it was hard to ignore him forever)

And we went out on our first date… I remember I was super nervous, but I had learned a lot about myself by reading the books and having those “Practice Dates” (remember I was married for over 20 Years… I hadn’t dated in decades)

So ya I agree with @MissMarple: (Reply # 9) and her options… just realize that you have options… they are WHATEVER YOU ARE COMFORTABLE WITH

It doesn’t have to be BLACK or WHITE… it can be GREY, BLUE or GREEN… it can be whatever you want it to be.

That is the cool thing about knowing yourself, you set the Standard(s)*

— — —

*Standards… Dr Phil talks about that in his book.  But Steve Harvey talks about even more in his 2 books… “Act Like a Lady – Think Like a Man” and “Straight Talk, No Chaser”

When the time comes to actually date someone, you might find those an entertaining read.  Steve Harvey is a comedian, and he brings his pleasant banter to the element of Dating from a man’s perspective… much in the same way that Greg Behrendt of Sex & The City Fame did with his book “He’s Just Not That Into You”

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