(Closed) In one week- it will NOT be over. (no swearing this time)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

Wow, good for your Fiance for finally coming clean with everything. It makes it possible to move forward now and start compromising. I hope your dad will be able to talk some sense into your Future Mother-In-Law.

Post # 4
Member
3691 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

That’s a great step in the right direction.  Now he just needs to learn not to give a shit what she thinks.  She may be his mother, but she sounds like a self centered, toxic, bitch.  

Post # 5
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Yay! I love progress.

I’m a little surprised he cried in front of your dad, but at least that shows how stressed he has been. Hopefully that list of 20 grows a lot closer to 100.

I know in your previous posts you had said that you could have a much smaller wedding with just family. Are there any of your guests you could cut? I wouldn’t cut the same number from each side, but maybe if he can cut 50, you can cut 10? Maybe you don’t have to cut that many from your side. I just think that you should show him that you are going through your half of the guest list too and weeding out those few people who might not need to be there. If you’ve already done that then disregard my suggestion.

Post # 6
Member
415 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

That is great!  Not unconditionally great, you guys obviously have a tough road ahead, but the fact that he finally brought you into his brain and asked for help is very encouraging.

I really hope you can still find a way to have some of the details that are important to you, or maybe come up with less expensive ways to put your personal touch on the whole thing.

I hope this is a real turning point for him and not a fleeting moment of clarity.  He has something good going for him here!

Post # 8
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Wow, that’s really good that you know where he is.  I’m sorry his mother is being such a pain, and I hope things go well with your dad talking to her!  It’s really great that he’s willing to do that, and hopefully she’ll listen to him.

This is also going to make it a lot easier in the future when things come up, like when you have kids and she tells you things need to be done in such and such a way; it’ll be easier for him to tell her “Thanks, but we’ve got this.”  Not easy, but easier.  It is really hard breaking away from good but controlling, far-too-involved, spoiling mothers. 

If you both stand your ground (especially him), she’ll eventually ease up.  She’ll have to if she wants a relationship with her son, if he makes it so that she has to.  At the end of the day she loves him and doesn’t want to lose him.  It’s just going to suck getting to that point. 

Post # 9
Member
8369 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I am really glad that you have had a break through. I think when your dad talks to you Future Mother-In-Law he needs to be firm and say this is the number of people you can invite and give them a solid number. But remember if you just make Future Mother-In-Law feel bad she is more than likely just going to shutdown and become difficult. Be firm  and tough but not nasty/mean/belittle her. They say you catch more bees with honey!

Post # 10
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Love progress!!!!

Post # 12
Member
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@mayflowerbride13:  yay ! you got to keep your poutine. I agree with PP – you need to stand your ground now or your Future Mother-In-Law will never relinquish her control. I had a similar situation with an ex years ago and his mother was such an expert at getting her own way that she could convince him that it was his idea and that was what he wanted too.

Post # 13
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

That is great news! Must be such a relief to know this is going to get figured out, at least he’s finally compromising.

Post # 14
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Congratulations!! That’s so great that your fiance finally got it all off his chest, and that your dad is so understanding and will talk to your Future Mother-In-Law. Like you said, if she starts screaming and guilt-tripping the guy that’s put down $35,000 on your wedding, she will definitely seem kinda insane.

And good on you guys for putting down these boundaries early – if she’s this pushy about a wedding, can you imagine when you have children? Sorry, I mean, when you have her grandchildren. Good luck, and keep us updated! 🙂

Post # 15
Member
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m so relieved for you that the truth of his behaviour has come out! Not to mention that he had the guts to ask your Dad for help.  Now the conflict will be between the people it should have been between from the beginning… the person paying, and the person demanding more from the budget.  It made no sense to put the two of you in between, and I hope thats truly over for good now.

Post # 16
Member
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I don’t know if this would help, but my FI’s mom would scream and throw tantrums at him in the past. We made it a point to never let her talk to him alone- I was always there and she never had the balls to scream in front of me. 

We also would only meet with them in public places. 

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