(Closed) In Remembrance

posted 12 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
378 posts
Helper bee

I’m putting red roses on the alter (or near it) for my uncle and grandmother, and FIs grandparents, who have died. Red isn’t in our colors at all, so they will subtley stand out, and then I’m putting an explanation in the program about them.

Post # 4
41 posts
  • Wedding: July 2008

what would have been my father in law died last year and my grampa died the year before that so for our wedding where our guestbook is going to be we’re gonna have two candles, a Doors candle for James, my father in law, and one shaped like a chili pepper for my grandpa! (he liked making salsa haha). if we can find good pictures of my grampa i’d like to include a photo of each but we’ll see… good luck!!

Post # 5
3 posts
  • Wedding: August 2008

One of my friends had a wedding last year — she had lost her son from her first marriage — he was hit by a truck when he was 6. She made a special bouquet for him and put a picture of him on the piano. After they lit the candle, they walked over and she kissed her fingers and touched them to the picture…Not a dry eye in th e place!


Also — last year another friend’s grandfather passed away two weeks before the wedding, so she got this really neat jeweled frame that she tied a ribbon to and hung from her bouquet. Very beautiful… 

Post # 6
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

All those are lovely ideas.  I would also suggest checking with her family, if they are invited.  My FI’s dad passed away three weeks before he asked me to marry him.  We were thinking of some kind of remembrance, but when we mentioned it to his mother she requested that we not do anything.  She allowed us to mention him in the engagement announcement (son of Doris X and the late Curt X), but most emphatically did not want his name on the wedding invitation (e.g., son of Doris X rather than son of Mr. and Mrs. Curt X).  She says that our wedding should be a happy day, and it will be sad enough for her to know he is not there without us pointing it out to everybody.  So obviously we are going to honor her wishes.  But my point is, it would be good to make sure that her family doesn’t mind being confronted with the reminder, if they will be at the wedding.

Post # 7
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

This may be an extreme case, but I recently saw a wedding program from one my aunt went to where they only had a moh and best man and the moh passed away from cancer a few months before.  Rather than replacing her with another friend, they asked her mom to stand in as the moh and then wrote on the program that the original moh had passed away and that her mother was representing her in spirit.  

My thought is that you could write in the program of their passing and have remembrance flowers either at the altar or maybe with some photographs at the reception somewhere visible.

Post # 8
8 posts
  • Wedding: November 2008

I am so sorry for your loss. In January I my mother passed away, my aunt made me with candle with her picture on it and it says something to the effect of "this candle burns in memory of _____ who’s spirit is with us now as we become Mr & Mrs  ____" then our wedding date. We are going to use it as our unity candle then bring it to the reception and have it burning next to the guestbook. There are also little photo frames you can buy to add to your flowers.

Post # 9
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

KISSINGLILLITH ~ love the personalized candles "The Doors" and "Chili pepper" brings so much mroe personality to remembering those who have gone on before us!!

i’m leaving one seat open for my mom and leaving a single lily (her favorite flower) on the seat…  i’m also carrying her rosary and her little bible instead of a bouquet

Post # 10
106 posts
Blushing bee

I, too, am sorry for your loss.  I lost my dad and brother when I was a kid; my fiance is going to use my dad’s wedding ring, and the pastor is going to explain the significance of it.  I think I’ll also list both their names in the program under the heading "Remembered with love."  And I may display a group of family photos, including some with them, at the reception.

Post # 11
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

You could have one of your bridesmaids carry a brandy snifter (those glasses that look like large red wine glasses but with a really short stem) with a candle in it. The glass will protect the flame as she walks down the isle.


Like this but I’m sure you could find one a lot cheeper. (We use to dance with them in the dance company I was in in high school. The flames even stood up to turns and such.) You could tie a ribbon around it with a note with her name or initial charms or something. That way she could still stand with you without your rememberance being horribly obvious. You can put something in the program or it can just be your secret. Good luck and I’m so sorry for your loss!

Post # 12
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2020

JeanM has a beautiful memory candle : http://www.myjeanm.com/engine.cfm?iCatID=15283

We are going to have a memory table, with this candle and pictures of our grandparents on their wedding days, along with a vase of white flowers. I am not sure where we will set the table up yet. 


Post # 13
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2008

I bought a vintage locket brooch from Ebay to hold pictures of my grandparents. Fiance is checking with his grandma, but wants to do something to remember his grandpa in a similar, subtle fashion.

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