- 10 years ago
I guess I’ll give a quick little “blip” about me… I am 24 years old, been with my BF for almost 5 years, have talked about getting married, and have decided that marriage (to each other) is what we want out of our relationship. We’ve looked at rings, picked one out, and he bought the ring but wanted to “propose properly”. This was back in January when we had the ring. My cousin got engaged about 3 days after we got the ring, so I told him that he didn’t need to propose soon, and to let my cousin have her time in the spotlight. Valentine’s rolls around and my BFF gets engaged, again I tell my BF “no pressure” and he doesn’t propose. Well, last night my sister got engaged and my BF shakes his head and says that I can’t keep pushing back MY life for others. He said that he has wanted to pop the question for WEEKS now and that he was planning on it VERY VERY soon, and had all the arrangements made and he wasn’t pushing it back anymore, especially not for my sister’s sake. He has never really liked her since she was spoiled by my parents (new car at 16, credit card at 16, college paid for, etc. I bought myself a car at 21, still don’t have a credit card and earned scholarships and took student loans to pay for my college) and her reasoning for why she got what she did is because she ‘deserved’ it more than I did.
Anyway, he told me that I can’t keep putting off OUR lives because of everyone else. He said he’ll let my sister have her week or two, but that he is going to propose soon and we are going to start OUR planning for OUR wedding. So now I feel horrible. If I get engaged now and start planning a wedding I will feel like it seems I am just lashing out at my sister. If the roles were reversed I wouldn’t care if someone got engaged the SAME DAY I did, but to my cousin, BFF and sister their engagements seem to be the biggest thing in the world and I don’t want to start conflict! However, there is a part of me that is tired of waiting too. I have a feeling he is going to propose next weekend as we have had plans to go out to a cabin – and I think this is the “plans” he was talking about. I’d had a hunch since before my sister got engaged.
So now I am sitting here, completely a mess, wondering “if I get engaged now, will this be an issue?” The last thing I want to do is make other people feel bad because I am getting married. I just want everyone to be happy! But as my BF said to me… I shouldn’t go out of my way and sacrafice my happiness just for other people. So… what should I do? In hindsight I feel like a horrible person for pushing my BF back and not taking his thoughts into consideration. I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don’t want to seem to “one up” my sister, but I don’t want to keep forcing my BF to wait when we are both ready to take this next step in our lives.
I just want to be happy and excited about getting engaged… And no, I don’t want to push it back anymore, but I don’t want to tick people off BECAUSE I got engaged either. This isn’t a competition right?
Ugh! Please help! I am about to cry!
((Just wanted to add, the reason my sister appeared to be “spoiled” is because my parents couldn’t afford to buy me a new car, or pay for a credit card for me, or pay for my college. It just so happened she needed those things first, so the money my parents could afford went to her. I don’t resent that she got those thing and I that I’ve worked for mine. It just meant I was more independant earlier. By The Way I am DEBT free! Thanks to working 2 jobs! Now I have a great career and have a nice “wedding stash” set aside too!))