(Closed) In serious need of help! Sister got engaged but…

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@alisonmay:  Please dont cry!!

Relax, in the grand scheme of things it really really does not matter. I would hope that your sister is mature enough to be happy for you. How could somebody be offended at somebody else getting engaged? When it does happen, just be careful to celebrate together and be happy for each other…it doesnt have to be one person’s spotlight. Dont ruin your engagement by over-thinking the ‘when/how/where’. Try to remember what the engagement is all about – you and your SO spending the rest of your lives together. Be happy and enjoy being in love!!!

Good luck 🙂

Post # 4
12340 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I agree with your bf and I dont believe in a “spotlight”.  No ones engagement is as important to anyone except themselves and everyone else is fully capable of being happy for more than one person at a time.  I dont think the engagement should have been put off for your cousin or BFF, but unfortunately, with the history of your sister being a pain, I would actually give her a at least 3-4 weeks to soak it in and minimize her possible whining and then go for it.  And if she bitches, explain the history as you have here to her and tell her you at least gave her a month, but you two have had the ring and been putting it off for at least 3 months and couldnt wait anymore.  Even without the offical engagement, since you know its happening, would you be ok with starting some planning (in secret) before making it official?  The begining planning phase is just research anyways.. why not get started and make a list of venues you want to see, photogs you like, etc.

Post # 5
1131 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Relax. Your BF is right that you shouldn’t put your life on hold for everyone else. When you get engaged, call your sister. Let her know that you will still be there for her and you won’t step on her wedding planning toes. Your sister may be upset about your engagement, but that will reflect poorly on her, not you.

Post # 6
3605 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

i agree with your BF, you have been patient enough and if anyone has anything to say show them a copy of the dated receipt showing you have been patiently waiting since Jan and its now your turn.   congrats and enjoy!

Post # 7
1549 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Could you get engaged and be quiet about it? As in, tell your parents and his family, but keep it low key until you think all the engagement glory has faded from your sister? I would have given a month separation between you and her, but that would be it. It sounds like you only have a week or to until that point, so I think it would be easy to keep it on the down low. 

Post # 8
1098 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@alisonmay:  If these people really loved you, they would be very happy for you. Be happy for yourself because in life you are your biggest cheerleader dear one!!

If they can’t be kind enough to be happy for you, it is time to reevaluate your relationship with them. That being said, enjoy the new life that is to come!

I’ve been married 5 months now and I every minute of it. Plan your wedding and have a great time!

Post # 9
1098 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@alisonmay:  If one of them gets upset, I would be catty enough to mention to them  you held off your engagement so that would have their moment to shine. Then step back and let them marinate in their jealousy hehehe

Post # 10
3974 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

My SIL got engaged literally a week and a half before we did lol. I definitely didn’t steal her thunder, if anything she stole mine :P, but I’m glad I’m married and happy now. Don’t postpone your life.

Post # 11
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Oh sweetheart, please try and remember that you’re getting engaged because you are with someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with!  If people misinterpret that act of love as retaliatory, then that is their own problem.

Your boyfriend is right – just remember that this is about the two of you and not anyone else!

You should enjoy every single moment of your engagement and the planning of your wedding.  Marriage really is quite blissful.  I was even fortunate enough that my wedding did not stress me out as much as people told me it would!

Post # 12
2674 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If I were you, I would let your BF choose when he wants to propose, and if people give you crap about it just say “He proposed. I wasn’t going to say no just to avoid ‘stealing your thunder’. I’m very happy for you(/my sister) getting engaged, but we have been discussing marraige for a long time.” I think the real issue will be when you and your sister plan the actual weddings for. Do your best to spread the wedding dates out as best you can, and then enjoy having so many engaged people to talk weddings with. I know I wish I had an engaged RL friend who wouldn’t get sick of the wedding talk. Most of my friends are single or actively waiting and they don’t want to hear it.

Post # 13
9 posts
  • Wedding: April 2012

If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the past 14 months of being engaged it’s that no one can steal your wedding thunder and people are always going to get engaged around you and your BF, so if you keep waiting you may never have that “right” moment to get engaged.  I think it’s cool that you are waiting until your sister gets her joy, but think about you both also.  Good luck and I can’t wait to hear when he pops the question.  I couldn’t deal with the anticipation!!  Yell

Post # 15
2837 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@alisonmay:  My sister and I are 14 months apart too, and from experience, I can tell you it’s difficult to have lives completely divergent of your sibling’s. Everything happens quite close together, there’s no getting around that. Someone goes on a first date, the little sister does too. Someone graduates, the other isn’t too far behind. Getting married? Pshh… Your sister should be used to it by now. 😉 

Don’t sweat it, chica. Just live your life, and be happy for others, and the same will come your way. It’s very sweet of you to be considerate enough to let her enjoy her time with her ring unfettered, but now it’s your turn. 

One thing you might want to do is consider your wedding date against your sister’s if you have family that is from out of town; otherwise you might find yourself in competition to have the family choose one or the other if your dates are too close together. Chat with your sister about that and vise versa, just to make sure you don’t step on eachothers toes. If you read the bee, you’ll find a million billion of these posts where brides are stressed about that sort of thing— all of which could have been avoided with open lines of communication in planning and expectations.

Post # 16
430 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

My sister and I got engaged a month apart and we were happy for each other. Its really nice to have someone to bounce ideas off of, even (actually, especially) if you have different tastes. She had a typical year long engagement and I;m having a much longer one. It can work!

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