Post # 1
Member
17 posts
Newbee
My lovely BF and I have only been dating for 6 months, but I long for more! We’re both Chrisitan and have put up no sex/ no living together boundaries..which has been hard but also fulfilling. His entire family is religious and it’s a big part of his and my beliefs. We’ve only been together those 6 months but I want to marry his man so bad…I absolutely love and adore him, and he’s been such a great compliement to my personality and life. We’re always happy and similing and love spending time together.. I’m constantly told how happy we both look together from both his family and my own, and i’ve seen a nice shift in myself and have been feeling genuinely happy and loved…a feeling I didn’t get from other relationships. He’s spoken about wanting to be with me a long time, and ” never letting me go” but we’ve never really brought up marriage, we have a number of friends that have mentioned it and he seems to get annoyed by it being brought up by other people, so I dont bring it up.
I know that if we’re meant to get married it will happen when the time is right, and I believe this is between him and God. But, sometimes engagement is all I can think about and I fear it’s getting in the way of myself being able to enjoy the time we spend together. For instance, he’s taking me out of town as an early x-mas gift, and all I can think about is how it’d be the perfect time to propose..but I don’t think that will happen and I fear it’ll keep me from enjoying the time out of town. I also feel a little left out in his family, since everyone else is married and has been for a while ( brothers, sisters, cousins..etc) ..so I feel like the odd man out and wonder if that’s where part of this eagerness to be engaged comes from..
Point is, what did you do while waiting to distract yourself? And how did you make sure to enjoy the season of life you were in before the new one with your future husband began?
Post # 2
Member
1620 posts
Bumble bee
I guess by just appreciating the simplicity of life now. Right now, all y’all have to worry about is enjoying each other’s company. No combined income stress, kid stress (assuming), and no getting under each other’s skin living together. You aren’t bored or in a rut or struggling to spice up the bedroom.
While marriage is wonderful in its own right… it isn’t easy and all fun and games.
This is a great time to selfishly love and focus on each other. It’s the honeymoon period for a reason… don’t rush it!! All the stories are new and hope and trust are strong. Enjoy it!
Practically speaking, pick up some new hobbies and a good vibrator. I’m improving my calligraphy skills so I’ll be able to address my own envelopes one day soon, and improving my crochet skills.
Post # 3
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
While I totally understand the feelings of “waiting”, my story is definitely very different from yours, as my bf and I have been together quite a while. However, I think the most important thing is having an honest conversation with him. You can’t bury your feelings for fear of making him uncomfortable because if you’re feeling this way, that’s not going to change by ignoring it. Like you said, it may impact your ability to enjoy your time with him now if you’re always focusing on an engagement which can become very stressful for both you and him. Every relationship is different but 6 months is still relatively new so I think it’s important to figure out if your timelines match up as far as when to expect taking the next step. Especially if you are already feeling ready for it. There’s nothing wrong with bringing these things up – you only have control over how you speak to him/approach it – not how he reacts. good luck!
Post # 4
Member
2352 posts
Buzzing bee
gemchristine :
He’s spoken about wanting to be with me a long time, and ” never letting me go” but we’ve never really brought up marriage, we have a number of friends that have mentioned it and he seems to get annoyed by it being brought up by other people, so I dont bring it up.
I don’t know if you’re “waiting” like the other bees on this site, your boyfriend doesn’t want to talk marriage with you… that’s not a great sign, you also don’t feel comfortable bringing it up to him, which is also not a great sign. Not trying to be harsh, or burst your bubble but 6 months is not long at all. I would try to pump the brakes if I were you.
Enjoy the beginning stages of your relationship and getting to know each other, because that’s generally what you’re doing at 6 months.
Post # 5
Member
17 posts
Newbee
futuremrs2020 : I don’t think it’s harsh, I recognize that 6 months is still fresh which is why i’m looking for the advice. We’ve never used the word marriage but we talk about living together, waking up to one another, coming home to each other..little things like that, which all imply marriage since we wont move in together until marriage.
He was also not exclusive/ “first dating” for over 5 years. He didn’t go past a second date with anyone until I came along and we’ve been exclusive since then, which makes me think his “pickyness” is a good sign that he didn’t want to settle for anyone..I just don’t want my marriage fever to over come my ability to love and enjoy this time with him.
Post # 6
Member
17 posts
Newbee
danibee5683 : I understand that, and I want to have the convo with him but i’m such an axious person which is making it hard. I want to make it through the holidays ( lots of traveling together ) and see how I feel, and bring it up while traveling ( 16+ hours of driving for Thanksgiving could be a good time)
Thanks for your input!
Post # 7
Member
17 posts
Newbee
bibliophilacticbee : My hobby/ our hobby has been cooking and baking..we’ve found a lot of joy in that and it’s given us an excuse to connect with friends and family.
Post # 8
Member
17 posts
Newbee
futuremrs2020 : I think it’s also important to add that when we talk about no sex and not living together he’ll say it’s because “My personal opinions on co-habitations before marriage” so he’s implied it..but we’ve never discussed our timelines or thoughts or any of that. My brother is engaged and we’ve been guests at a number of weddings so far so marriage and weddings IN GENERAL have been discussed but never on a personal levr.
Post # 9
Member
2990 posts
Sugar bee
Pump the brakes, lady! You’ve only been dating 6 months…
How to distract yourself? Just enjoy this new and exciting relationship for what it is…
Post # 10
Member
1644 posts
Bumble bee
- Wedding: June 2021 - Glacier National Park-Montana
I’m wondering how old you both are?
Post # 11
Member
17 posts
Newbee
sboom : I KNOW!! THis is my problem, logically I think oh my goodness calm down its been 6 months but then its all I can think about day in and day out..if this were my friend i’d have all the good advice for her but because it’s me I just feel stuck! I don’t know what to do to change this mindset.
Post # 12
Member
17 posts
Newbee
sharkey38 : Hi Bee, I’m in my mid 20’s and he’s in his late 20’s but I don’t see why this would be important. We’re both in our careers, he’s a home owner and i’m in the begining stages of purchasing my own place.
Post # 13
Member
494 posts
Helper bee
- Wedding: August 2017 - Orange County, CA
gemchristine : The most concerning part of this post is when you say “we have a number of friends that have mentioned it and he seems to get annoyed by it being brought up by other people, so I dont bring it up.” What? If you are this anxious to talk to him, then you have a lot of work to do as a couple on communication skills. Discussing marriage with someone you love should be joyful, not something to avoid because you’re afriad you’ll annoy him.
Post # 14
Member
1620 posts
Bumble bee
gemchristine : I’m going to guess that you don’t have a whole lot of long term dating experience.
I will also guess that most of your haste comes from feeling like life is on hold since you can’t sleep with or otherwise move the relationship too much further.
Honestly, there isn’t much that will make waiting better other than to keep a wary eye open for red flags and pay attention. This is the time you have to change your mind if things are wrong. They may feel right, but keep looking and questioning so you have no regrets later.
Post # 15
Member
17 posts
Newbee
vertabella : What you’re saying makes sense, and I agree..but as a person I’m naturally have bad anxiety and tend to overthink- I think this is playing a big roll in why I don’t want to bring it up.