(Closed) In tears need advice and support fellow bees :(

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

It sounds like she is just lashing out. It’s hurtful and mean and you shouldn’t have to deal with her nonsense.

I would stop helping her fix her computer now and in the future, tell her to find someone near her to avoid this situation again.

Relationships are a two way street and she needs to be respectful to you too. It’s hard to accept, but maybe you’ll never have a “normal” relationship with her. Are you ok with that?

Post # 4
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

So what do you want the end result to be?

Do you want her at the wedding? Do you want to make the relationship better? Do you just want to keep the peace?

Post # 6
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Ugh, bad things come in threes. I’m sorry for all your losses, even the chickens (I’m a duck and turkey enthusiast myself, it hurts to lose them).

Guilt trip much?? I hate when sisters pull that “after everything I’ve done for you!!!” crap. You’re family, that’s what you do, you help each other.

I had a friend who LIVED to have these “I do everything for you and you do nothing for me” fights with her sister. It was exhausting. I know that’s not what you’re doing at all, and you do want to stick up for yourself, but leave out any mention of specific things you’ve done for her. Then it just becomes a pissing match.

Just text her back that you mailed back the computer and that you didn’t realize it bothered her to bring the massage table back and forth and not to worry about it from now on.

When she calms down she’ll realize A. she now has to pay to have her computer fixed and B. that she actually liked being able to do something nice for you and give you massages. I have a zero tolerance for BS like this, you’re doing her a favor, she shouldn’t complain.

Just rise above it and be the calmer one here, she’s having a hissy fit and you don’t need that right now. I hope you feel better soon, and again I’m sorry you’re having such a tough week : /

Post # 7
Member
7291 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think she feels like you really don’t know what it feels like to be her. You have taken up so many of the bills and things that she doesn’t have much left to her self worth. I noticed a bit of a money issue going on- is this a case where your husband pays for everything and you have no struggles at the moment?

Perhaps she has something on the laptop that she needs  ( to pay bills-which you apparently havent done in a while according to her message )or maybe wants to surprise you with something for the wedding..

Her text is simply showing you all the little things that she does for you and maybe you don’t perceive them as huge because you view the things you do for her to be far more worthy or that you never ask for them..so it doesn’t count

EDIT: I’m also sorry to hear about your week! Our pets are so stressful and family drama is crippling. Hoping things look up from here on our and you can enjoy the wedding:)

Post # 8
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

@MarryMeTiffany: I think you need to think really hard about your relationship with her and if its good for you and your family to have her in it. I know she is the only one left, but just because someone is family it doesnt give them the right to mistreat you.

Depending on your answer then your actions/words will change

If you want to be honest and let the chips fall where they may then I would say something like this (or write in a card)

Sister, I am sorry that the computer took longer than you expected, but the CD we purchased to help fix you computer took two weeks to come in and Fiance wasnt home when it arrived. I appreciated your massages, but I didnt know that it was such a chore for you to bring the table. I thought since you were bringing it for grandma you offered me a massage to be nice. Please do not worry about massages in the future.

I was only trying to help you fix the computer and I am really hurt that you would not come to the wedding over it. If you do not want to come please do not feel obligated to come. I do not want to force you to do anything. 

Post # 10
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@MarryMeTiffany: Sounds like she has a few hidden issues that she needs resolve

 

The topic ‘In tears need advice and support fellow bees :(’ is closed to new replies.

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