I sympathize. I think that you are a woman in an extremely difficult situation and as much as I have always felt but learned the hard way that Ultimatums take away a grain of satisfaction in whatever it is you get as a result of them – I understand why you made it. People on here are asking if you will follow through- you are not at that point in the road yet to know the answer- in my opinion.
I was in your shoes once and I am sharing this experience for the first time becuase it took me so long to get up to it, through it, over it and forget it. I do hope in your case that you take something out of my experience and I wish you nothing but the best on your difficult but important personal journey.
So basically, I met him when I was 17 (he was 4 years my senior) and we dated and dated and dated some more. I was always very open about wanting to be a young mom and starting a family and that I was not a believer in long dating relationships. I also did not believe in long engagements. He would express to me how he wanted to be married in his early 20’s, how he had all these plans. His father was married with a child at 25 and he idolized his father, etc, etc.
Fast forward 5 years – he decides that he wants to go to medical school – ok no problem. Its long distance but we can make it work. The next two years were hell on earth. Me sitting home crying and him away in medical school. Everytime he would come home his mother had a parade of things she had to do that second or the earth would shatter, so for two years, we spent a collective week of time maybe alone together. Fast forward to year 7, Im pushing 25. He is nowhere near done with med school, keeps going back and forth on what he wants to do. Ive already missed my train on the whole “young” mom thing. He tells me one day before his visit he has a surprise for me. Im thinking, Ive been loyal, Ive been waiting, what else could it be. At the end of his visit, he didnt even so much as endeavor to take me out to dinner let alone propose, the surprise was that there was no surprise. He would tell me a year later that he atually meant to but his mom said it was a bad time. A few months later, during the winter visit. One day, my parents are acting funny in the evening but its like 10 pm – I think they are just tired or something. He shows up with his family and his mom proposes to me. Yes you read that correctly.
There was an engagement party 3 days later that I was not given time to prep for or invite anyone or anything (people had to scramble to come at all) but I kept thinking this is what I wanted. He finally wants to marry me. He barely looked at me the whole night. Subsequent romantic dates were cold and distant. The wedding planning was a FIASCO.
Three months before the wedding, I stopped eating and sleeping and overall felt like cr$%$#% all of the time. I called off the wedding and spent the next 2 years trying to figure out where were the pieces of my life that would make me be able to move and live again. He was engaged 4 months after we broke off our 8 year relationship.
I met the love of MY life at 27 years old and I am grateful to the other one for the experience, for the strength it taught me. He was ready to marry, just not me apparently. It was a blessing. I have learned that had I not gone through what I had, I would not be blessed with the appreciation and with the kind of relationship I have with my Fiance and he is truly a blessing. I will become a wife at 28 years old, not 24 like I planned, but the man at the end of this long tunnel made all the waiting worth it.
My point, do not be scared of that ticking sound as we get closer to December and your deadline. Allow yourself to be swept by the tides so to speak – you will reach a point, everyone does- when it will become clear to you what to do. And you will fear it and worry about your decision (whatever it is) and question it – but there will come a point where you simply will have to make a decision becuase your entire being yearns for clarity. Then you will see – one way or the other.