(Closed) In this situation is being a guest book attendant an insult?

posted 10 years ago in Reception
Post # 3
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

She might appreciate having something to do when her Fiance is busy with the bridal party.

I’ve been asked and haven’t found it insulting.

Post # 4
46 posts
  • Wedding: November 2008

I think it depends on the person.  Some people really love helping to make the day perfect, in any way they can.  Other people will either feel like they’re being asked for free labor, feel awkward about the role (I’d hate having to stand at the back and ask people if they wanted programs, or ask people to sign the guest book), or will feel like it’s a pity role.  It’s tough to say w/out knowing her and your community of friends.

Personally, I’m not a fan of asking guests to do a lot of the detail work at a wedding. I feel like people should either be made part of the actual ceremony (wedding party or readings) or should be invited as a guest and be able to enjoy themselves.  That said, LOTS of people really want to help out, and are happiest when they feel like they’re contributing, so I realize that my way may leave as many people unhappy as doing it another way.

I’d also be careful about having the friend talk to her about it.  Guys tend to have a hard time w/ subtlety in such situations …. 

Post # 5
2640 posts
Sugar bee

Curious.  Is your Fiance implying her’d like you to ask her to be a BM?  Do you think this girl is expecting or hoping to be a BM?  I do think you’re nice to try to include her.  I think girls can get bent out of shape if they want to be BMs and get offered guestbook.  So if she isn’t expecting anything, I don’t think it should be insulting. 

With that said, personally if I was asked to do guestbook, I wouldn’t like it.  I might not be insulted, but I would probably turn it down.  Handing out programs, setting up centerpieces, and standing around asking people to sign a guestbook, (while everyone else can be off mingling with each other) sounds more like work to me.  If she’s paying me as a DOC, then I’d consider it.

Post # 6
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Honestly, I’d feel like you were asking for free labor.  People know how to sign the guest book and can pick up a program, and setting up centerpieces should be for the venue or your DOC to do.  Plus, wouldn’t she have to leave early/get there early to get to the venue early to set stuff up?  I have to agree with your Fiance, it does kind of seem like a pity position.  Just let her enjoy being a guest.

Post # 8
2640 posts
Sugar bee

I kind of see what you’re saying.  Is the ceremony in the same spot as the reception?  As in she would be setting up the centerpieces for the reception, while you were taking pictures, before the ceremony?  Would she literally be sitting in a seat for two hours?  Or perhaps back at the hotel relaxing?  I still think that while she is handing out programs and doing the guestbook, she’s doing work.  Then again, if she doesn’t know anyone else, she might feel relieved to do something. 

It’s sweet of you to be so willing to help her.  Unfortunately, we all don’t think alike.  It’s hard for any of us to know if she’d like the job.    (I suppose you could papproach it as  you want to know she’ll be OK for the time when her Fiance is busy with you guys.  And if she is interested in doing someting to pass the time, you think she’d really hit it off with your friend who will be setting up centerpieces.)  But I think if it was me, I would play it by ear.  Maybe she wants to take the extra time to take a bath or get a masage??  If she comes with her Fiance and is literally sitting there bored, while you take pictures, I would advise the genereous friend, who is helping, to go up to her and ask if she’d like to help.  At that point, the invitation might be more warmly received.

Post # 10
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Depending on how you set up the guest book station, it can be a really fun job.  We put ours in the entryway, on one end of the gift table.  We had a wishing tree, rather than a traditional guestbook, and both the guests and the girls we asked to handle the table had a fun time with that.  We also had them tape cards to presents (don’t forget to ask someone to do that!)  Since the table was in the entryway, they also served as the official greeters, and so got to talk to everyone as they came in.

I don’t think it’s insulting to ask family to help out, but that probably depends on your family.  In our family, it’s actually sort of a prestige position – you need a combination of people who actually know the majority of your guests, and can greet them by name and welcome them, so being asked implies that everybody will be happy to see your face first thing when they come in the door.  Plus, it’s fun.  You get to eye all the presents, see how everybody is dressed, get all the good gossip first thing.  You get a corsage, and to arrive early enough to see all the decorations before the guests, and if you’re old enough you

In order to make sure it is fun, and not too much work, it helps to have an adequate number of people.  For about 150 guests, we had three girls at the guestbook/gift table.  That means that at any time, at least one of them can be chatting with the guests, and they don’t get too busy to have fun.

Post # 11
596 posts
Busy bee

I personally hate being the guestbook attendant – I don’t like having to sit there and babysit people signing the book.  I’d rather be out and about mingling with the guests!

Post # 12
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I think its all in the way you ask her. Just give her an easy out so that if she would rather not then she certainly should feel okay saying so. Tell her that its been great getting to know her and you would be honored to have her, along with another good friend, be guest book attendents. It also depends on how common this is in her circle or family. In my family it was often a job given to younger people but I have been to friends wedding where they had friends and relatives do this.

Post # 13
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

That is kind of tricky. In my previous experiences, these kinds of jobs were more like free labor passed down to family and kids of family friends, not so much a honored position, y’know? I think you should try to get an idea of how she’d like to help, or if she actually wants to help at all. It’d be a bummer for her if she just wanted to mingle with guests and had to do other things during the wedding.

Post # 14
1184 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would think that it e an honor to be a guest book attendant. The guest book attendant guests to be put on one wedding program along with the rest of the party. I still haven’t chosen my guest book attendant. That’s cool that you have. 

Post # 15
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Being a guestbook attendant is not an honor if you are older than 8 and even then it isn’t a fun job, speaking from tons of experience. Unless the guestbook is extremely complicated, guests will figure it out. Even with the most outgoing guestbook attendant, if someone doesn’t want to sign it, there is nothing you can do to force them. Most of the time, folks would prefer to be a guest without having to do any jobs. Being a guest is an honor in itself.

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