(Closed) In what order do you want the big things to happen in your life?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Whick order do you prefer?

    Moving in, get engaged, get married. I would never have it any other way.

    Get engaged, get married, move in (on wedding day or after). I would never have it any other way.

    Get engaged, move in, get married. I would never have it any other way.

    Moving in, get engaged, get married. But I'm flexible.

    Get engaged, get married, move in (on wedding day or after). But I'm flexible.

    Get engaged, move in, get married. But I'm flexible.

    I don't care.

    I don't know.

    Other: share! :D

  • Post # 47
    Member
    885 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    @HopefulCatlover:  Well… the way it has worked out for me has been as follows: 

     

    1.  2006 started dating

    2.  2008 Got engaged

    3.  2009 Bought a place to live

     

    4. Moved in a month before the wedding

    5. 2009: Got married. 

     

    6.  2012: Bought another home (bigger and better) where to raise a family. 

     

    7: 2013-2015 Make home whatever you want it to be. 

     

    8.  Have child(ren). 

     

    We are currently in stage 7.  We are remodeling our home.  We have been married a little less than 5 years. We are in our mid 20s and early 30s. 

     

    Post # 48
    Member
    770 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    I can’t wrap my head around people who get engaged without living together first. How do you know that you and your SO are actually compatible? Just take the rock and hope for the best?

    Post # 49
    Member
    1344 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2013 - Vine Street Church

    Moving in -> Engagement -> Marriage.

    I can’t imagine not living with someone before dedicating your life to them. My husband also drove me up the fucking wall when we first moved in together, so I can’t imagine having that stress on top of wedding and newlywed stress. I think it was also easier for the dogs having us living together.

    Post # 50
    Member
    557 posts
    Busy bee

    We moved in (he already had the perfect house for us), having baby, then getting engaged at some point then getting married in a few years haha.

    Everyone is different. I told him he is not allowed to propose until the baby is at least 6mo-1 year old. I don’t want anyone to think we are getting engaged to “appease the masses”

    I can’t believe how some people sleep in the same house for the first time after they are married! Marriage is waaaaaaay too big of a committment for that in my mind! You can hide sooo much weird/bad stuff from someone when you don’t live with them (For example- the one thread about the girl who found out her husband wore diapers)

    Oh and I think you should have sex before you move in together too..Always good to know what you are getting into before you take the plunge 🙂

    Post # 51
    Member
    756 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    DH and I started dating, moved in together, got engaged 6 months later, then got married. I never thought that I would live with someone before marriage honestly, but it worked out great for us! In hindsight, I am really happy we did everything the way we did.Ideally we would have gotten engaged before moving in together, but I had just finished school and we were semi-long distance (An hour apart). It just made sense for me to move to him at that time. We were pretty sure we wanted to get engaged, but we wanted to live in the same city first. We discussed that me moving would mean we were getting engaged though. It wasn’t something we did lightly. Even though it worked out great for us, I don’t think I would advise other people to do that though. I’ve seen that plan backfire. My best friend moved in with her boyfriend really quickly. Now, years later, he won’t propose to her even though he doesn’t really have a good reason. I think that sometimes guys can easily just be content in their situation, so they don’t have an incintive to change it. Then she “doesn’t want to pressure him,” so the situation never changes. 

    Post # 52
    Member
    352 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    In my dreams, it would be get engaged- get married – move in.

    However, as Fiance is being sent away from our hometown and I’m graduating this February, we have already talked about me moving in with him around June (so our house is ready when we return from the honeymoon). I don’t mind, because the thought of being apart until October is breaking my heart…

    Post # 53
    Member
    24 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    We moved in together at 10 months, got engaged just before our two year anniversary, and we’ll be married before our third dating anniversary. 

    Personally, I’m so glad that we moved in together before getting engaged or married. Living with another person can be tricky and I’m glad that we’ve naviagated most of the compromises/adjustments already. Living together made us a “team” in ways that we weren’t before. 

    Post # 54
    Member
    784 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    View original reply
    @likewoah:  I can’t wrap my head around people who get engaged without living together first. How do you know that you and your SO are actually compatible? Just take the rock and hope for the best?

    I feel the same way about people that purposefully have kids or buy a house together without getting married.  I can’t imagine being willing to become so entangled with someone that wasn’t willing to marry me.

    But I do think that different things work for different people.  My fiance and I moved in together right after we got engaged, and it’s been wonderful.  I knew him very well, knew how he lived, and there have only been pleasant surprises over the last year. 

    Moving right after getting married seems like it would be so much stress in a short period unless you were still living with your parents or could afford to maintain 2 homes for a while while you moved all of your stuff.  Can you imagine trying to get a moving truck out while decorating the reception and pack for the honeymoon?  I am curious how that works for all the women that have done so if they weren’t living with their parents still.

    Post # 55
    Member
    1603 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    @HopefulCatlover:  You should make it so people can choose multiple options! Mine is sex, move in, engagement, married.

    Post # 56
    Member
    1150 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Move in -> Engagement -> Marriage

    With sex before moving in and babies after marriage.

    I would never marry someone I hadn’t had sex with or lived with. I would be flexible on moving in before or after engagement, but definitely before marriage. We lived together before getting engaged. 

    Post # 57
    Member
    2452 posts
    Buzzing bee

    View original reply
    @likewoah:  Well I can’t for the life of me imagine why someone would absolutely have to live together first before getting engaged. I can understand why two people would want to live together and how it could help speed up the getting to know each other process, but I don’t think it’s absolutely necessary. When two people spend years dating and they spend lots and lots of time together (not just on dates, staying over each other’s house that sort of thing), these minutae that people seem to talk about figuring out while living together seem to come out, at least in my experience. I don’t need to be sharing an apartment with someone to figure that stuff out. Then again, I’ve always dated in the style that yes we date, but there is a lot of time also spent hanging out. 

    View original reply
    @spezia:  That makes sense. It’s unfortunate you weren’t able to get to know him on that level before you moved in together, but it’s good that you were able to see the truth before the two of you got married. 

    View original reply
    @mepayne:  Yeah, my main thing is that I’d like to retain the freedom of having my own place as long as I can do that. Honestly, that’s what makes me most comfortable. I don’t think I’d feel secure moving in with someone and setting up those types of roots without at least being engaged.

    I haven’t technically lived with people, but I make sure to get to know people very intimately and this includes spending increasing amounts of time with the person as the relationship progresses. I’m sure there are some things I can’t know without specifically moving in with someone (like who does laundry lol), but honestly those are things I think a couple should be able to deal with and adjust to later on. As far as seeing how a person truly is, I think that dating for a long period of time and making sure to spend lots of time together lets these things come to light even if two people don’t live together. 🙂

    Post # 58
    Member
    130 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: February 2014 - Golden Gate Bridge

    I would never want to marry someone without knowing what it’s like to live with them first. 

    Post # 59
    Member
    770 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    View original reply
    @MissMarple:  When I first started dating my husband, I was so pleased to discover that he was also a neat freak. His apartment was spotless every time I visited. It’s been 5 years, but I still remember that I once told him, “I’m not surprised to see that your apartment is so clean, because you seem like a very organized, austere person.” Ha! He’d cleaned the apartment top to bottom literally every time I visited him. Once we moved in together, I discovered that he’s actually one of the biggest slobs I’ve ever met. his office is currently covered in trash, soda bottles, and dirty plates. Living with someone brings out the truth about their personalities in a way that dating and hanging out never can. 

    Luckily for him, I married him anyway. And now that I’ve discovered his MO, I just invite people over every other weekend so he’s forced to clean up for visitors.

    Post # 60
    Member
    172 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    I voted “other”

    We started dating just over 4 years ago. Sex first.  Then, we moved in after 5-6 months. 15 months ago we bought a house together and we are most likely going to be getting engaged next. 

    We might try for a baby before we actually get married though. We like to write our own rules 🙂 

    Post # 61
    Member
    4369 posts
    Honey bee

    There’s absolutely no way in hell that I would marry someone before living with them. Remember that post a while ago about the woman who found out her husband can only “eliminate” while wearing adult diapers? Yeah. That’s why you live with someone first. 

     

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