(Closed) In what order do you want the big things to happen in your life?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Whick order do you prefer?

    Moving in, get engaged, get married. I would never have it any other way.

    Get engaged, get married, move in (on wedding day or after). I would never have it any other way.

    Get engaged, move in, get married. I would never have it any other way.

    Moving in, get engaged, get married. But I'm flexible.

    Get engaged, get married, move in (on wedding day or after). But I'm flexible.

    Get engaged, move in, get married. But I'm flexible.

    I don't care.

    I don't know.

    Other: share! :D

  • Post # 62
    Member
    404 posts
    Helper bee

    My ex and I did it like this.

    Got engaged > slept together > got married > moved in together

     

    Next time around, I want to tweak it a little.  

    Get engaged > get married > move in together/sleep together

     

     

    Post # 63
    Member
    784 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    View original reply
    @SoupyCat:  Remember that post a while ago about the woman who found out her husband can only “eliminate” while wearing adult diapers?

    I would take that account with a grain of salt.  I got a strong impression from that thread that the poster was actually some kind of pervert who liked writing stories about diapers rather than a woman who was actually having a problem.

    Post # 64
    Member
    2142 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    I picked move in, get engaged, get married, but flexible.

    I actually got engaged before we moved in, but I think living together really tests your compatibility so it’s a good idea to live together first. For us it only confirmed our decision.

    Post # 65
    Member
    1798 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Our timeline is a bit odd, but we totally meant it to be different than it was! We were together for almost five years before we moved in together, SO plans on proposing after about a year of living together (August 2014), and we plan on getting married around May 2015. The only reason that we didn’t move in together sooner is because we were still in HS when we started dating, so it took a few years to get finances and everything in order because we didn’t want to live in a dump with no furniture!

    Post # 66
    Member
    1268 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 1994

    I’m flexible. I do think men are more likely to drag their feet about getting engaged if you move in with them beforehand. I think it can be hard though to not live together before getting married. 

    Post # 67
    Member
    1073 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    My husband and I moved in together, got engaged, and then married! We learned so much more about one another once we moved in together!

    Post # 68
    Member
    1309 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    View original reply
    @bigcitydiamonds:  Congrats! Yes, our daughter was 2 months shy of 3 years at the wedding.
    I love seeing the couples children at wedding, especially if they can have a role. Our daughter was the ring-bearer. She had the rings in a little flower basket and she loved having something to do.

    Post # 69
    Member
    304 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @HopefulCatlover:  When I was younger I never wanted to move in with someone before being married. However, due to financial reasons, my boyfriend (now fiance) moved in together shortly after starting to date. It really proved that we would be good together and it accelerated our rellationship by a lot. Now that I know the benefits of living together first, i don’t think i’d ever change that. I tried to play “house” with my exboyfriend.. he was with me for 2 weeks before we went crazy. With my fiance, everything has always felt right. 

    Post # 70
    Member
    351 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I was married once before…got engaged, moved in together a few months before the wedding, got married.  Disaster.  In all fairness there were a lot of issues in our marriage besides the ones I discovered after moving in together (like that he cheated on me multiple times and was emotionally abusive), but after moving in together I discovered he really expected a mother more than a wife.  The first day we set up the apartment he asked me why I didn’t iron the sheets first!  I had to do everything for him…wake him up, cook, clean, take the cars to be serviced (both).  And we had spent a lot of time together while dating for three years prior so these were things that were only revealed after living together.  Unfortunately I was too embarrassed to call things off at that point, and they got worse after marriage.  With my DH, we moved in together before getting engaged. We both felt strongly that we wanted to confirm that we were compatible.

    Post # 71
    Member
    2493 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    In 10 days, it will be 1 whole year that SO have been living together and it’s probably going to be another year until an engagement. Wouldn’t have it any other way! I could never marry someone without living together first

    Post # 72
    Member
    434 posts
    Helper bee

    We will absolutely live together before we are married, ideally before we are engaged. I voted that I am flexible because I don’t know where life will take us. Our plan now is to move in together in a year and a half (and potentially move to another state together) when I start grad school or a full time job. We have more or less committed to follow the other for whoever’s opportunities will be more beneficial because he does NOT want to do long distance. But we really just don’t know. If we end up long distance for a couple of years and get engaged during that time, I’m fine with that. But it would be a long engagement, because I would never get married before living together for at least a year.

    Post # 73
    Member
    3003 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I voted move in, get engaged, get married and that is exactly how we did it! We’ve been married two years now and I’m pregnant and we couldn’t be more excited.

    Post # 75
    Member
    1953 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Moving in -> Getting engaged -> Getting married -> Kids

    Always been what I wanted. Lucky it’s what I got!

    Post # 76
    Member
    864 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    View original reply
    @HopefulCatlover:  

    The order I could never negotiate is: dating – moving in – kids. Engagement and marriage could be thrown in anywhere after moving in. 

    never ever would I dream if getting married to someone I hadn’t moved in with. Yes, you can be close nonetheless, but it will still be and feel different. We have basically lived together from day one and only did not share nights together when one if us was traveling. And still, it felt different moving in together, even though we literally were doing that before already in our two separate apartments. 

    Our order is:

    started dating 2005

    moved in together 2006

    bought apartment together 2012

    got pregnant 2012 (after buying the apartment)

    got engaged 2013

    will get married 2014 

    actually we got the legal wedding 6 days before our child was born, but for us the “real thing” is the church wedding that we’ll also celebrate properly. We did get married legally this year for bureaucratic reasons, but only the year was important. However, next year we’ll have our wedding on our anniversary and since we didn’t want to have two wedding anniversaries, we took the same date for our legal wedding. so it is really only by coincidence that we got married legally before having the baby. If our anniversary had been later in the year, we would have gotten married after our baby was born. 

    I don’t understand any of this “he’s getting the benefits for free” If you live together. I don’t want to force my SO to marry me by only giving him his “benefits” after marriage. My then-BF always said he didn’t want to get married. But this only had to do with the concept of marriage, not with me or his feelings towards me. SO why would i throw away a wonderful relationship jus because he didn’t want to get married? For me, actions speak louder than words. i hinestly couldn’t say what had changed since we got married as we basically lived like a married couple before (legal wedding on our 8 year anniversary). For us, whst brought our relationship to a whole new level is having our wonderful baby and experiencing the other as a parent. and I am very glad we decided to try for a baby even when there was no engagement on the horizon. 

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