(Closed) In which I vent yet another irritating FMIL moment. Too much??

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable.  She shouldn’t expect to ride with the two of you when she’s perfectly capable of riding and/or driving there with her own husband.  Is your fiance an only child?  It sounds like she’s just having trouble letting go.  Maybe she’ll come around, maybe not, but look on the bright side – it sounds like your fiance is supporting you in calling out this ridiculousness.  That is HUGE.  If he was immediately like, “Of course you can ride with us,” then you’d have much much bigger problems.  As long as he’s on your side, that’s the most important thing.  Good luck with the shower.  I hope she finds another ride!

Post # 5
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

You know what? He agrees with you, and is backing you up 100%. THAT is what really matters. I think everytime she starts stressing you out, remind yourself of that. Think about all the things that makes your Fiance so awesome, awesome enough to want to spend the rest of your life with him, and it should help melt it away.

Sure, she’s infuriating and acting like a spoiled toddler, but at the end of the day, as long as you two stand united together, she will not get her way ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 6
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m sorry, I know the feeling dear! Jus tkeep your head up and don’t let her stress you out ๐Ÿ™‚ As long as the Fiance has your back, then leave it at that! 

Post # 8
685 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I think that it is awesome that he is completely standing up for himself and your relationship.  This isn’t her party.  This is YOUR party.  And if she wants to come, then she should take her happy hip to the car and drive herself.  She isn’t crippled.  I don’t think that you’re being unreasonable.  But, I also think that if she weren’t so difficult in the past, you probably wouldn’t think this was as big of a deal, but since she has been a pain, it gets magnified.

Post # 10
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Well, that’s what these boards are for!!!  Vent away my dear, you know you will always have ladies here who totally understand what you are going through. Fortunately for me, my husband’s mother was her own undoing, and my Mother-In-Law is fucking awesome, so I got lucky in the IL department. You can share mine if you want! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 11
4193 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

First of all, VERY glad to see the wedding-free weekend worked. ๐Ÿ™‚

Although I’m laughing that Future Mother-In-Law caused stress as soon as you came back, cause that’s what happened to me with our mini-break- she started harping on the hotel block and reception dinner venue list, the favor bags for the hotel (which we could deal with in June!)…to the point I had to take over the hotel block because she was causing too much stress vs. help!

I’m at a similar (not as extreme) point with my FMIL- she wants to help SO badly, but it ends up being easier for me to do things myself. I liked her before we were engaged,and I still like her and feel I’m lucky to have her as my Future Mother-In-Law, but she’s being rather pushy (kept harassing me about what my Mom was going to wear-sent about 8 emails on that subject alone, and we had just set our date a week before!) I knew she was overbearing to Fiance before, but now I’m on the receiving end.

You’re right, it is small, but all of these small things can add up to one big stress ball. I don’t know what the solution is- how do you kindly tell someone they’re causing you stress? I don’t think you can with a Future Mother-In-Law… Fiance and Mom yes, you could, but Future Mother-In-Law would be insulted.

Once the wedding is past (and you are done with your other big stress ball- the move), I don’t think she’s going to get under your skin like she is. Practice your yoga breaths! :)-


Post # 12
1568 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Eh, I wouldn’t think much of it, don’t let it bother you so much. I think sometimes older people aren’t too excited about embracing today’s technology, sounds like she may be one of them. And maybe she’s just nervous about arriving some place she’s not familiar with. I don’t get it, but my grand parents can be like this, I just brush it off. Do whatever you and your Fiance want and don’t let such little thing ruin your day.

Post # 15
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

Ugh…your Mother-In-Law sounds like my mother. Everything is such a production with her. You can’t go anywhere outside of her bubble without it being this huge deal. 

So no, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. I totally can see where you’re coming from. It’s 20 minutes away…WHY do you need to ride with them? It’s not like you’re going to a place that is hours away. In a situation like that, I’d be a bit more tolerant. But this is your time to shine as a couple and I say do what you want to do. But she doesn’t have entitlement to ride with you guys to a place that’s about 20 minutes away. 

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