(Closed) In your mind, what justifies throwing around the "D" word?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: What would cause you to consider divorcing your DH?
    Infidelity : (199 votes)
    29 %
    Physical Abuse : (220 votes)
    32 %
    Any form of abuse : (207 votes)
    30 %
    Lying to me : (35 votes)
    5 %
    Not doing what I want him to : (2 votes)
    0 %
    I would NEVER get a divorce...ever! : (12 votes)
    2 %
    Other...explain below : (13 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3195 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @SweetMelissa429:  make this a multi-choice answer. i think some bees would say both infidelity and abuse.

    Post # 4
    Member
    3170 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I always grew up thinking divorce was an option. My mom was married to a complete douche that we all hated and I always begged for her to divorce him. I remember having the conversation a couple of years ago with my husband (boyfriend at the time) saying that I had no problem with divorce, at all. He didn’t like the answer but I was dead set on getting a divorce if I was unhappy in the relationship.

    Now, after some major changes in my life, divorce will never be an option. We don’t even use the word in our house. Don’t even joke about it. God can get us through anything.

    Post # 5
    Member
    3195 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @SweetMelissa429:  also, you meant to use ‘justifies’ and not ‘constitutes’. verbage in the title was a little confusing.

    Post # 7
    Member
    7902 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

    There is no single answer. These choices are situational. I believe everyone deserves to be happy and in a fulfilling relationship. If an effort has been made and that’s just not happening, for whatever reason–emotional abuse, physical abuse, incompatible values, cheating, etc.–then both parties should move on.

     

    Post # 8
    Member
    2617 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California

    Since I could only choose one option, I chose “Any form of abuse.”  I will not stand for cheating though either.  I deserve so much more respect than that & wouldn’t stand for it!  DH knows this, I trust him, & I love him to the ends of the earth.  I have faith in both of us to be the best we can be for ourselves & each other forever.

    Post # 9
    Member
    3195 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    @SweetMelissa429:  no problem. ^.^

    i answered infidelity and any form of abuse. though, if it were infidelity, i would give him a couple chances to straighten up and fly right. so maybe ‘reoccurring infidelity’ or something like that.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2831 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I think if my Fiance cheated it would not be an automatic divorce. We would need to go to therapy (depending on the specifics). As much as it would hurt, I think couples can survive infidelity.

    I would leave if I was ever abused by him. No questions.

     

    We have been together 6 years; 7 by the time we wed. We have gone through so much together, no way would I divorce because we were not getting along, he wasn’t doing what I asked or I caught him in a lie.

    I feel in a way it’s a better idea to date for a number of years and truly get to know your SO inside and out before committing to them for life. If you date a person for 3, 4, 5, 6 years .. you know what type of a person they are. If they haven’t abused you or cheated on you in that time, there is a pretty good chance they won’t in the future.

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    1719 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    We both agree that we’re in our marriage for the rest of our lives but infidelity, physical abuse and any other abuse are grounds for divorce. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    2425 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Infidelity, and abuse (physical or emotional). Lying isn’t good, but it depends on the circumstances. I’m not going to divorce him if he lied about about how many drinks he had out with the boys, but lies to hide a bigger issue like infidelity, gambling, addiction, etc could factor in for me. 

    Post # 16
    Member
    2376 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I really dislike when people say “divorce isn’t an option”.  Seriously, if he beat the hell out of you, can you honestly say you’d stay?  If he hurt your child, you’d be that piece of shit mother that stayed and allowed the abuse to continue?  I would certainly hope not.  What about emotional abuse?  If he rips you apart and makes you feel absolutely worthless, every single day, you’d stay?  What about hard drug addiction?  If he refused treatment time after time, and brought that into your house, exposed you to any number of diseases, brought dealers into your home?  And what about lies?  What if you went into a marriage with the understanding that you would have children together, and he told you he only said he wanted kids because you did, that he in fact didn’t want any, ever?  That’s certainly not what was agreed to, prior to the wedding. 

    Every situation is different, and there’s no wrong answer.  Sometimes the reason for divorce is “we make each other miserable, every single day”.  This isn’t a competiton.  It’s not a contest of who can stay the longest and suffer the most.  Or at least it shouldn’t be.

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