Post # 1
One thing I see on a lot of threads discussing diamond alternatives is the phrase “No one should be rude enough to ask if it’s a diamond.” It got me thinking… Sure, directly saying “Is that thing real?” is incredibly tactless. But is asking about the type of stone in someone’s ring rude in of itself, or is the rude part the implication that non-diamonds aren’t “real?” What about other questions regarding the ring? Is it okay to ask about size/carat weight? The type of metal used in the band? Where he purchased it, how much it cost, if you helped pick it out, if it’s what you wanted, etc? And do you feel the same “rules” apply to non-engagement jewelry, or is it okay to be a little nosier in that case?
(To be safe, I’d never ask about a lady’s gems unless I knew her very well and knew she wouldn’t care. I personally don’t think I’d mind any ring question as long as the person was simply curious and not just looking for something to be snobby about, but I know not everyone feels the same.)
Post # 3
I wouldn’t care if I was asked about my e-ring, as in size, shape, cut, color, anything. I wouldn’t care if they asked what kind of stone it is (it’s moissanite). I would, however, care if they asked “is it real” because that’s just a rude way of saying that whatever isn’t diamond is fake.
Also depends on who, to some degree. If a family member were to ask me about my ring, really thing, it’s okay. My family is my blood. I’m an open book to them. Mostly the same goes for good friends.
Post # 4
i had someone ask how much it cost which i think is pretty rude. I dont mind people asking whatss metal it is or what size stone it is etc but i dont think people need to know how much engagement rings cost.
Post # 5
I don’t think I’d be ok with someone asking the price. That’s rude.
Post # 6
I voted that I’m not bothered and mostly I’m not. A male friend asked recently how much it cost to get a sense of what’s expected in our social circle and I was happy to tell him. I asked him to keep it to himself but that’s understood because money is private. Otherwise, I’ve told people the carat weight if they’ve asked. Few people really do ask though. At first I felt put off but after a while, I felt the need to get over myself. If I’m going to walk around w something so sparkley, how can I expect no one to ask things!
Post # 7
Price and size. Why do they need to know? I feel like in most cases they are asking from a judgemental place.
Post # 8
Asking is it real and saying that it’s cute
Post # 9
I voted it depends on who’s asking. It would be rude for a stranger to ask if it’s fake or how much it costs imo. If it were my best friend, that’s a different story.
Post # 10
Unless it’s a close friend (and even then.. I’m not sure) cost is definitely out of the question. To be honest, Fiance has never even told either of our parents the relative cost. I think he’s actually scared of what they might think of him spending so much which I think is nuts. First it’s none of their business, second we own a home, our cars and never have had money problems so what we do with out money is our own business.
Other then that, I’m game for any question I can think of.
Post # 11
No-one has ever asked if my stone is real (it is).
No-one except my insurance company has ever asked how much it cost.
Post # 12
@Kitquist: I tread very carefully when it comes to asking about someone’s ring in real life (I admit I have been rude online and am not proud of that). First I start off with a compliment. If it’s a different stone than diamond I might ask what kind of stone. I’d never ask ‘is that real?’ or anything like that.
My coworker spent months picking out a ring for herself (engagement) and would send me links of what she was looking at. When she finally got the ring I definitely asked more questions about it than I would someone I knew less well. I did ask her what the carat size was, but I prefaced it with ‘wow, it looks huge… if you don’t mind me asking, what carat size is it?’. She didn’t mind at all.
To me it’s all about the wording and tone of voice. I don’t think that asking questions per se is rude. I am considering getting a yellow diamond for my ring but I have to admit that the idea of people constantly asking what it is, asking if it’s a yellow sapphire etc. might put me off. I don’t know. I just feel like you shouldn’t have to explain your jewelery… but I know people do ask. It’s just such a big decision since it’s something you’ll likely wear forever. Since I’ve come to Weddingbee I have been made much more aware of what is and isn’t ok when it comes to ring talk.
Edit: I agree cost is off-limits unless you’re really sure that you know what you’re doing/know the person well or that they won’t be offended.
Post # 13
Price is the only taboo to me. If someone asks nicely about what size my ring is, I’ll tell them. If they ask because they’re catty, I won’t say!
Post # 14
I’ve never really had anyone ask me anything about my ring, at least not about things like cost or carat. They asked where we got it and what kind of metal it is and stuff like that.
Post # 15
I think it’s incredibly rude to ask anyone how much anything costs (unless you are close in that way).
Post # 16
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
I think cost is no one’s business, unless they’re looking to purchase jewelry themselves, and are trying to gauge what they could get for their budget. Asking where the ring was purchased is acceptable, “is it real” is not.