Post # 1
Hi, I really need input on that one! We have asked one of my good friend to act as a coordinator for our wedding day. She will be at the venue early to make sure everything is delivered and set up, and then she will greet guests as they come.
She doesn’t wear dresses or skirts. She told me she bought her clothes for the wedding and put them on for me. OMG!!! It is awful! It is some kind of a “tunique” black and royal blue, all tight fitting (she’s overweight so it is not flattering at all!) and she plans to wear this with black leggings and flat sandals. I was so flabbergasted that I said nothing. My fiancé was with us and he also did not speak up his mind.
Our wedding is outdoor at a vineyard, late in the afternoon in August. We didn’t mention any dress code on the invites but it is clear to us, considering the invitations’ wording, venue’s style and my dress, that cocktail attire is what is expected. My friend’s attire is not up to par at all! My family and friends will make fun of her for sure and I’ll never hear the end of this.
What should I do? Tell her? Should I write her an e-mail explaining this is not what we expected and she doesn’t look good in this outfit? I’m ready to buy her something at this point.
Post # 3
Why don’t you ask her to wear a dress in a similar color to what the bridesmaids are wearing so that she stands out a bit (and in a good way)? I think that would be a tasteful way to resolve this.
Post # 4
is it that the outfit is too informal, or that you just don’t think it’s flattering? if it’s the first, i think you can say something, but i’m not sure you can say anything if it’s the second without hurting her feelings…
Post # 5
I agree with Mrs. Louboutin. And I even go as far as to suggest going shopping with her to find something. That way you can kinda steer her in the right direction. Good luck!
Post # 6
She doesn’t wear dresses or skirt! Absolutely refuses to wear something else than pants or leggings.
Post # 7
I like Louboutin’s advice on asking her to wear a dress similar in color to the bridal party. You can put in the sense that she’s your coordinator and good friend, not just any old guest, so it would be nice if she coordinated with them. You could even offer to go with her to find something. I think that’s the nicest way of changing her outfit without making her feel bad, maybe even making her feel more included.
Post # 8
Could you find her a nice pant suit maybe?
Or a jumpsuit?
Post # 9
If you are willing to buy her something, why not turn it into “I was a little sad when I’d heard you’d gotten your outfit for the wedding. It’s so early I hadn’t had time to tell you I wanted to treat you to an outfit/shopping trip day. Can we still do that?”
Hopefully she’ll say yes and wear what you pick out together. Pants can be very nice, especially with a pretty blouse. Also, does she really need to be greeting guests? My coordinator didn’t do that, guests were greeted with food music and an open bar 😉
Post # 10
I don’t think pants and a tunic are inappropriate since she is coordinator for the day. If she doesn’t EVER wear dresses or skirts, you shoudln’t be surprised.
I’d be more turned off by the fact the outfit is completely unflattering.
Post # 11
Is she friends with other people attending the wedding? Maybe you can ask them to mention to her what they are wearing… maybe she doesn’t know that your wedding is supposed to be formal. I was at a wedding once where the bride wore a super-formal dress and a few of the female guests were just wearing khakis and a nice blouse. And I think sometimes people interpret outdoor weddings as informal. Unfortunately, I don’t really think you can outright tell her what to wear.
Post # 12
I’m with ejs she probably wants to wear something comfortable since she is coordinator for the day. If she is going to be running around setting things up then she won’t want to be in a super formal outfit with sky high heels on. And unfortunately, it’s not really up to you to tell her the outfit is unflattering. It’s a bummer.. but I just don’t see how you can tell her it looks bad on her. Really the only option is to do as the others have suggested and offer to take her shopping and buy her a special outfit. But remember, it does need to be something comfortable if you are expecting her to work at your wedding.
Post # 13
I think some pps have some really clever ideas. But other than those suggestions, -no I don’t think you can tell her it’s unflattering -no you can’t just tell her to wear something she’s that uncomfortable with.
Unless she feels like you were really going to do something for her, or wanted to make her feel like more of the wedding party, I don’t think she’ll walk away from any comment by you unhurt. And if she turns down your offer, I’d let it go.
Post # 14
I absolutely adore this shop. I was going to buy a dress from them for an A List party in Beverly Hills in April, but they were out of my size in their online shop and didn’t carry it in their physical shop. I tried something on similar to this number, and while I didn’t go with it, it was flattering: http://ullapopken.com/swing-jacket/p/92581/cn/100/
I think something like that combo would be completely approperiate! She doesn’t have to wear a dress and the outfit is classy!
Post # 15
I agree with the other posters, I would offer to take her shopping as a big thank you for her help and treat it as a girly day with lunch, etc. She’s not likely to say no to that.
Post # 16
I don’t think you should try to make her wear a skirt or dress if she never wears them. I mean, that’s just who she is, and you can’t change that. However, I think you can tell her that the outfit is too informal. I would try to suggest some dress pants or palazzo pants. Hopefully if you address the pants issue, then she’ll decide the top wouldn’t look right with something other than leggings and change that part herself. You can’t really tell her that the top isn’t flattering without hurting her feelings. In fact, she’s probably going to be hurt anyway, and telling her that it’s not flattering will just make it worse.
I would try something like this: “Hey friend, I didn’t know how to say this the other day, but I’m not sure if the outfit you have picked out is really formal enough for the wedding. I mean, it’s a nice outfit and all [lie if you have to!], but I think that most people are going to be wearing cocktail attire and the leggings won’t really work. I know you’re not really into skirts or dresses, but would you consider doing some dressier pants? I would love to go shopping together sometime!”…