(Closed) Inappropriate attire for guest?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1509 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Why don’t you ask her to wear a dress in a similar color to what the bridesmaids are wearing so that she stands out a bit (and in a good way)?  I think that would be a tasteful way to resolve this.

Post # 4
Member
2465 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

is it that the outfit is too informal, or that you just don’t think it’s flattering? if it’s the first, i think you can say something, but i’m not sure you can say anything if it’s the second without hurting her feelings…

Post # 5
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I agree with Mrs. Louboutin.  And I even go as far as to suggest going shopping with her to find something.  That way you can kinda steer her in the right direction.  Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
562 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I like Louboutin’s advice on asking her to wear a dress similar in color to the bridal party.  You can put in the sense that she’s your coordinator and good friend, not just any old guest, so it would be nice if she coordinated with them.  You could even offer to go with her to find something.  I think that’s the nicest way of changing her outfit without making her feel bad, maybe even making her feel more included.

Post # 8
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Could you find her a nice pant suit maybe?

Or a jumpsuit?

Post # 9
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

If you are willing to buy her something, why not turn it into “I was a little sad when I’d heard you’d gotten your outfit for the wedding. It’s so early I hadn’t had time to tell you I wanted to treat you to an outfit/shopping trip day. Can we still do that?”

Hopefully she’ll say yes and wear what you pick out together. Pants can be very nice, especially with a pretty blouse. Also, does she really need to be greeting guests? My coordinator didn’t do that, guests were greeted with food music and an open bar 😉

Post # 10
Member
14185 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I don’t think pants and a tunic are inappropriate since she is coordinator for the day. If she doesn’t EVER wear dresses or skirts, you shoudln’t be surprised.

I’d be more turned off by the fact the outfit is completely unflattering.

Post # 11
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Is she friends with other people attending the wedding?  Maybe you can ask them to mention to her what they are wearing… maybe she doesn’t know that your wedding is supposed to be formal.  I was at a wedding once where the bride wore a super-formal dress and a few of the female guests were just wearing khakis and a nice blouse. And I think sometimes people interpret outdoor weddings as informal.  Unfortunately, I don’t really think you can outright tell her what to wear. 

Post # 12
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m with ejs she probably wants to wear something comfortable since she is coordinator for the day.  If she is going to be running around setting things up then she won’t want to be in a super formal outfit with sky high heels on.  And unfortunately, it’s not really up to you to tell her the outfit is unflattering.  It’s a bummer.. but I just don’t see how you can tell her it looks bad on her.  Really the only option is to do as the others have suggested and offer to take her shopping and buy her a special outfit.  But remember, it does need to be something comfortable if you are expecting her to work at your wedding.

Post # 13
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I think some pps have some really clever ideas.  But other than those suggestions, -no I don’t think you can tell her it’s unflattering                                                 -no you can’t just tell her to wear something she’s that uncomfortable with.

Unless she feels like you were really going to do something for her, or wanted to make her feel like more of the wedding party, I don’t think she’ll walk away from any comment by you unhurt.  And if she turns down your offer, I’d let it go. 

 

Post # 14
Member
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I absolutely adore this shop.  I was going to buy a dress from them for an A List party in Beverly Hills in April, but they were out of my size in their online shop and didn’t carry it in their physical shop.  I tried something on similar to this number, and while I didn’t go with it, it was flattering: http://ullapopken.com/swing-jacket/p/92581/cn/100/

I think something like that combo would be completely approperiate! She doesn’t have to wear a dress and the outfit is classy!

Post # 15
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I agree with the other posters, I would offer to take her shopping as a big thank you for her help and treat it as a girly day with lunch, etc. She’s not likely to say no to that.

Post # 16
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I don’t think you should try to make her wear a skirt or dress if she never wears them.  I mean, that’s just who she is, and you can’t change that.  However, I think you can tell her that the outfit is too informal.  I would try to suggest some dress pants or palazzo pants.  Hopefully if you address the pants issue, then she’ll decide the top wouldn’t look right with something other than leggings and change that part herself.  You can’t really tell her that the top isn’t flattering without hurting her feelings.  In fact, she’s probably going to be hurt anyway, and telling her that it’s not flattering will just make it worse. 

I would try something like this: “Hey friend, I didn’t know how to say this the other day, but I’m not sure if the outfit you have picked out is really formal enough for the wedding.  I mean, it’s a nice outfit and all [lie if you have to!], but I think that most people are going to be wearing cocktail attire and the leggings won’t really work.  I know you’re not really into skirts or dresses, but would you consider doing some dressier pants?  I would love to go shopping together sometime!”…

 

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