(Closed) Inappropriate baby-pressure from my Dad!

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
8175 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

it’s a parent thing. 

my mom has been putting pressure on me to give her grandchildren since i was in my young 20’s. i’m 31 now.  i told her that i would like to be happily married before having children and i am not settling for someone.

she’s even told me mulitple times that i don’t need a husband to have a baby. it starts up again when her friends have new grandchildren.

now with my wedding slowly approaching, i cannot tell you how many times my mother has told me to go off the pill.  my FI and I have discussed a plan that works for us. 

the last time my mother said something to me about going off the pill, i told her that she would be really upset if i didn’t share with her once we start the process and if she keeps talking about it, i won’t be able to share with her.

my mom and i are very close and i would miss sharing with her.  thankfully this shut her up.

 

Post # 5
Member
2378 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

When you find out how to make it stop, let me know!  I had my tubes tied when I was 27, and my Mom still asks if I could change my mind.  Not only that, but when I told her I had a fibroid removed, she asked if that would impact my chance of getting pregnant. 

Post # 6
Member
2809 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

my FMIL is obsessed too. she wants us to move the wedding to this year so we can have babies sooner. i’m like, “… no.” i can’t tell her that we’re not planning on them for at least 2 years after the wedding. it’ll break her heart.

just smile and shrug your shoulders, and tell him “when it happens, it happens.”

Post # 7
Member
1608 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Ditto to everyone who says let us know when you find out the secret. The MOMENT I met FIs dad for the first time, he said “Oh so nice to meet you” and then pulled me aside and immediately said “now lets talk about grandbabies.”

We had been dating for 4 months at the time. Since getting engaged, it’s only escalated. It’s all in good fun and we do want kids, but my family has fertility issues so it has led us into discussing other options if it doesn’t happen for us naturally.

Oddly, my mom has always been in the “WAIT AS LONG AS POSSIBLE TO HAVE CHILDREN!!!” camp, but when FI and I got engaged within days she was telling me to stop taking the pill NOW because “you never know how long its going to take” (it took her 4.5 years to get pregnant.)  She logically knows that that’s not happening, and we’re going to wait till after the wedding at least, but it is funny that she changed her tune so suddenly!

Post # 9
Member
10368 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think you should draw a firmer boundary and really let him know that asking you about this is not ok or appropriate.

It sounds like you guys have some AMAZING goals you want to accomplish before kids – so go be fabulous, and let other people’s comments roll off your back.

My DH and I spent 8 months backpacking through Asia on our honeymoon, and spent about 5 weeks of that in China. Feel free to PM me if you want any advice or tips on where to go :-).

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