Post # 1
Okay… so I’m 28 at the moment, and my BF is turning 25 shortly (yep, I’m a “puma” – but he’s really mature, responsible, hilarious, looks years older than I do, and I love him to bits!) and we’ve been together about 2 years. Now, we both want children, and don’t want to wait TOO long before starting a family (within 5 years), but we are both still in school & won’t finish until April 2014. We also want to go teach English in China for at least one year, if not two… which means we’ll be able to pay off part of our school debt, but won’t be starting “careers” for a few years at least.
My father is O.B.S.E.S.S.E.D. with grandchildren. My older sister is 32, and has only been in her relationship for about 6 months, and her boyfriend is separated (currently in the process of his divorce) and has 2 young children who she’s never even met. The fact that my mother had both of us by the age of 27 seems to make my dad think it’s okay to blatantly pressure not only me and my sister, but my boyfriend too, into having children ASAP!
Not only are BF and I not married (though we discuss it a lot) we are not even engaged! But every time pregnancy/babies/children come up, my dad makes comments to BF and I about how he’s not getting any younger, and about how babies are the best thing in life, and how I’m technically already “over the hill” in terms of fertility. Yes, he’s gone there. It’s driving me nuts! Does he not realize that we are in NO position to start a family at the moment?? Does he have no tact? My boyfriend is exceedingly patient with it, and laughs off all his comments (and so do I generally) but they are starting to infuriate me!
I can only glare and roll my eyes and tell him he’s being pushy so many times!
Has anyone else had this problem?? How did you handle it? Should I sit down with him and discuss the fact that he’s making us uncomfortable with his comments? Or just wait it out until the grandbabies come and I can finally shut him up that way? Haha.
Post # 3
it’s a parent thing.
my mom has been putting pressure on me to give her grandchildren since i was in my young 20’s. i’m 31 now. i told her that i would like to be happily married before having children and i am not settling for someone.
she’s even told me mulitple times that i don’t need a husband to have a baby. it starts up again when her friends have new grandchildren.
now with my wedding slowly approaching, i cannot tell you how many times my mother has told me to go off the pill. my FI and I have discussed a plan that works for us.
the last time my mother said something to me about going off the pill, i told her that she would be really upset if i didn’t share with her once we start the process and if she keeps talking about it, i won’t be able to share with her.
my mom and i are very close and i would miss sharing with her. thankfully this shut her up.
Post # 4
@ajillity81: Yeah, I think if I told my dad I was thinking about getting Mirena (the 5-year IUD) he’d cry. Even if I told him it could be taken out. Usually it’s mothers who are like this, but my mom keeps telling me to take my time, and that she’s in no hurry to be a grandmother.
I can’t wait to see my dad as a grandpa, because I know he’ll treat my kids like GOLD, but come on dad…. we are not engaged, we’re still in school, we have NO money (in fact we have debt) and he’s a financial advisor for goodness’ sake. I just find it mind-boggling!
Post # 5
When you find out how to make it stop, let me know! I had my tubes tied when I was 27, and my Mom still asks if I could change my mind. Not only that, but when I told her I had a fibroid removed, she asked if that would impact my chance of getting pregnant.
Post # 6
my FMIL is obsessed too. she wants us to move the wedding to this year so we can have babies sooner. i’m like, “… no.” i can’t tell her that we’re not planning on them for at least 2 years after the wedding. it’ll break her heart.
just smile and shrug your shoulders, and tell him “when it happens, it happens.”
Post # 7
Ditto to everyone who says let us know when you find out the secret. The MOMENT I met FIs dad for the first time, he said “Oh so nice to meet you” and then pulled me aside and immediately said “now lets talk about grandbabies.”
We had been dating for 4 months at the time. Since getting engaged, it’s only escalated. It’s all in good fun and we do want kids, but my family has fertility issues so it has led us into discussing other options if it doesn’t happen for us naturally.
Oddly, my mom has always been in the “WAIT AS LONG AS POSSIBLE TO HAVE CHILDREN!!!” camp, but when FI and I got engaged within days she was telling me to stop taking the pill NOW because “you never know how long its going to take” (it took her 4.5 years to get pregnant.) She logically knows that that’s not happening, and we’re going to wait till after the wedding at least, but it is funny that she changed her tune so suddenly!
Post # 8
Well… At least I’m far from alone! I find it funny when dads are the grandbaby-crazy ones!
I at least wish that he wouldn’t be rude and bring up my declining fertility 😛
Post # 9
I think you should draw a firmer boundary and really let him know that asking you about this is not ok or appropriate.
It sounds like you guys have some AMAZING goals you want to accomplish before kids – so go be fabulous, and let other people’s comments roll off your back.
My DH and I spent 8 months backpacking through Asia on our honeymoon, and spent about 5 weeks of that in China. Feel free to PM me if you want any advice or tips on where to go :-).