(Closed) Inappropriate dress choice?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: How should I tell her not to wear this dress?
    Just say "it's inappropriate for a wedding officiant" : (55 votes)
    19 %
    "The pattern will be too busy for the ceremony photos" : (63 votes)
    22 %
    "It's too casual" : (33 votes)
    11 %
    "It's too bright" : (20 votes)
    7 %
    "We love the dress, but can you wear something darker and solid-colored for the ceremony?" : (77 votes)
    26 %
    The dress is fine. : (39 votes)
    13 %
    Other, see my comment below. : (5 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 4
    Member
    1736 posts
    Bumble bee

    So this is a rock and a hard place…you did say she could wear “any dress she wants” as the officiant. You probably (hindsight being what it is) should have given her some kind of guidelines to follow! That being said, this dress is going to be in A LOT of very special photos of the ceremony and if you and Fiance had such a visceral reaction of dislike, you should not let her wear it. You will have to see that dress in every single picture of the two of you getting hitched!

    My recommendation is not to tell her that you “hate” it, but tell her, “that’s so pretty! but I was hoping that at the very least, you would choose a dress that meshed with the overall theme of the day.” And then attach some alternatives that you like that still match her style. Clearly she likes vibrant patterns (judging from this dress and the previous purple one) so you have to find some middle ground on which you can both stand.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2053 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    @Beckster329:  Stick her behind a decorated podium. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Post # 7
    Member
    1042 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    Is this something that will bother you after the wedding, or is it something that bothers you a lot now, but when all is said and done you could get over? Personally, I think you should take some pictures without her in it, and just let it go. It’s your wedding, but do you want to have to worry about this anymore than you already have? Make this easier on yourself, the dress is inappropriate, but no one is going to be paying attention to her on your wedding day. Even when she speaks your guests will be looking at your faces!

    Post # 9
    Member
    513 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Tell her this is not quite the ‘vision’ you had for your wedding and that you based your thoughts of letting her pick her own dress on the fact that her own choices you have ever seen her wear have been more ‘conservative’ in their color…  then add that you feel that a one color dress would fit your wedding much better. 

    I really do not understand WHY bridal party memebers have to seem to cause so much drama about what they wear!!

    Good luck ๐Ÿ™‚

     

     

    Post # 10
    Member
    1736 posts
    Bumble bee

    @Beckster329:  Are you a bright dresser? Is she trying to pick something to perhaps please you? If not, then I’m stumped! Maybe she’s trying to broaden her tastes? Her timing sucks though! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 11
    Member
    1425 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    I’d compromise and say she can change into that after the ceremony, but for the ceremony, you’d like something more muted in tone.

    Edited: You may, at this point, have to send her links to example dresses.

    Post # 12
    Member
    7771 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    If you told her she can wear whatever she wants, that was your mistake.  I think it is fine if she has a blazer/ cardigan over.  You could gift her one!

    Post # 13
    Member
    3175 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I would probably try to side step the problem by getting a cheap officiant’s robe for her to wear over it, or putting her behind a podium, but that’s just me. It wouldn’t be worth arguing with a grown woman about her clothing choice, but you have to decide how important it is to you.

    Post # 16
    Member
    3886 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Personally I think the color and pattern are fine. It’s the bare shoulders that I think are a bit out of place for an officiant. I would ask her to wear a bolero and a solid-color stole or long scarf draped across the shoulders (both bolero and stole) to finish the look. 

    Our officiant gave us many choices of attire, which we appreciated; we said she could wear whatever she wants, as that truly does not matter to us, and she said Great, then I will wear my ultra-colorful rainbow color block stole because I think it’s so festive and happy!  Perhaps your officiant friend decided to step outside her normal color pallette because she wants to be festive too?

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