Inappropriate MOH proposal timing?

posted 2 months ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

I was thinking of they rarely see each other, I can get why they’d want to privately take advantage of the moment. But given the fact they see each other often AND it was a public display, yes, I definitely think it was rude!

Post # 17
Member
7176 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

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@champagneandlace:  I would say it’s innappropriate, but I would completely let it go.  There’s no use in causing drama among your wedding party.

Post # 18
Member
1227 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Wait, so one of your Bridesmaids asked someone to be their maid of honor on your bachelorette trip?
I don’t think any ill will was at play here, she probably just siezed the opprotunity because they were all together for another wedding type event (yours)… maybe the exact timing into which she decided to do it wasn’t the best, but I don’t think it would be a big deal to me. 

Post # 19
Member
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

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@champagneandlace:  It was actually a HUGE production that made us late for a planned dinner! 

 

Well, I think any time someone “proposes” anything formally to one person in front of a group, that is pretty cringey and I would feel awkward as a bystander and absolutely mortified as the one receiving the “proposal” (which I think is OTT anyways regardless of who it’s done in front of).

 

So, yes, I think your friend erred. Nothing to do with stealing thunder, I just don’t think she should have done it front of a captive audience, even if you’re all friends.

 

That said, nothing can be done now, so I’d probably reason that it wasn’t malicious and let it go.

Post # 20
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - Hyatt Regency Grand Cypress

I’d be pretty irritated by this, too, OP. I try not to hold grudges but I still get annoyed when I think about something two girls did at my bachelorette in the name of selfishness that cost me $800. I don’t think it’s a huge ask to make certain events all about the guest of honor. 

That being said…I wouldn’t say anything. I don’t think anything good would come of saying anything, and I would try to mentally chalk it up to self-absorption/lapse in judgment and just focus on my friends good qualities and excitement for my big day.

Post # 21
Member
3040 posts
Sugar bee

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@klacey11:  

“I still get annoyed when I think about something two girls did at my bachelorette in the name of selfishness that cost me $800.”

Holy crap!  I’m horrified.  (And I confess, also a little curious, but I recognize you may not want to share the story.)

Post # 22
Member
1890 posts
Buzzing bee

Definitely inappropriate. It would make me rethink my friendship with that bridesmaid in that I don’t want to surround myself with inconsiderate people. Is she normally inconsiderate and do you really value your friendship with her? If so, speak to her about it in private later on and in person, not a text. Something like, “I understand you were really excited about asking X to be your Maid/Matron of Honor, but it felt inconsiderate because the purpose of the trip was to celebrate my wedding and our friendship. It hurt my feelings to be pushed aside during what was a special time for me. Can we talk about this?”

If you aren’t that close or she has a habit of behaving like this, I’d chalk it up to a lesson learned and distance myself from her. 

Post # 23
Member
10106 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

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@champagneandlace:  

Your update about the ‘huge production’ changes things a lot you know. Nobody was actually berating you, or was particularly rude, just assuming that the woman in question asked the other in a normal fashion over the course of the weekend and it seemed, from your very sparsely worded OP, that you felt cross about this. Now you tell us it was a different, and by the sound it it, annoying and focus pulling event over which it was very reasonable to be annoyed. 
l wish people wouldn’t do this, ie tell a story, get feedback they don’t like and then say ‘ oh you are all horrible because it was really much worse than l said and you should have known ‘ 

 So in answer to yout original question, yes it was inappropriate and crass, but not worth too much angst in the greater scheme of things 

Post # 25
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

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@elderberry:  

Someone literally told OP “Can you not stand the attention being off you for 20 minutes?”… I don’t know what your definition of rude is but even without the whole story how was that necessary? So yes that was rude. Plenty of people gave feedback without feeling the need to be condescending. So there was nothing wrong with OP pointing this out. As we all know, perception is oftentimes reality and rude/uneccesary is how certain comments came across – and I’m sure OP was not the only one to feel this way.

Post # 26
Member
1225 posts
Bumble bee

I agree definitely not the time or place. That would be irritating.

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