(Closed) Inappropriate to drop hints?

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t think you should play games about this. What use are hints if he doesn’t get them, or can ignore them? That will only make you even more frustrated. Get to the bottom of it. This your collective future you’re talking about. “SO, you told me January would be it, but you didn’t propose. Did something happen? I want to make sure we’re on the same page about this, since this is something we discussed and agreed upon already.”

Post # 3
Member
853 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I don’t think it’s innapropriate to drops hints, but I felt your approach was immature, not inappropriate. Like PP said, just talk to him, straight up. Especially if you have been this open so far, trying on rings, discussing timeline, etc. Ask him what’s up?

Post # 4
Member
3259 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

It’s BOTH your futures, not just his. So although I’m not one for playing games, I think it’s absolutely appropriate to talk about this. It’s your decision just as much as his, IMO. You shold talk to him if you are feeling uneasy about anything going on in your relationship. But it really sounds like he is proposing soon. 

Post # 5
Member
1992 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
asafo117:  Or you could like, talk to him. About the future of the relationship that you’re both in. 

But if you’d rather communicate through passive-aggressive tweets, do your thing…it’s obviously super effective.

Post # 6
Member
881 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
asafo117:  I think this makes you look desperate. Keep conversations like this between yourself and your BF. 

Post # 7
Member
4980 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

So why can’t you be direct and just straight up ask him instead of playing immature games?

Post # 9
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee

If you are sure that he’s going to propose and those expectations have been communicated, then just sit tight. He probably knows everything he needs to know, so dropping “hints” would just be weird.

Post # 10
Member
881 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
asafo117:  You’re being called immature because you used social media to play this game. Had you sent it directly to him, or had a conversation directly with him (as many others have suggested), then you’d be fine.

But you have now announced to the world that you are waiting for that diamond. No pressure right? 

Post # 12
Member
4812 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

I think that if you believe you are ready to marry someone, you should be able to have a direct, open, and honest conversation about these things, and not use social media to try and get hints across.

Because if you can’t talk about these rather basic things, then no matter how many hints you drop and how “successful” they are, you are going to be in a tough spot when much harder conversation topics arise in the future (and they will). It sounds like he knows you want to get married, so I am not sure what dropping hints with ring pictures will do, except maybe cause some concern you are focused on the ring over, well, what are ultimately more important things when getting engaged or married.

This is not about pressure, but being part of an equal relationship founded on basic principles like honest communication, respect, and so on.

Post # 13
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

View original reply
asafo117:  Also, since he is the one buying the ring I think it’s ultimately his decision when it happens.

But if you marry you’ll be combining your finances, right? And he only gives it to you if you say yes, and then if you were to break it off, you’d give it back? So in a sense, you’re BOTH buying that ring.

Also, as for the decision on when the proposal/engagement happens, most people who are preparing to ask their SO to marry them want to be pretty sure that person’s going to say yes, and engagement usually must come a certain length of time before a wedding so there’s time to plan and save money, and for some people marriage must come before some of their other life goals… You’re planning the future of your relationship together. So no, the decision on timing is not just up to the person proposing, either.

 

Post # 14
Member
2366 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

If it’s his decision and you don’t want to involve yourself…then don’t. Just wait for him to do it. However, I’d definitely create my own timeline for moving on. These boards are full of posts from women who waited around for rings that never came. Don’t let it happen to you.

Post # 15
Member
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

I am also from an old fashion world where I want him to pick the ring and plan a proposal without me. I even want him to talk to my dad (because my dad is my HERO, and it would devestate his old fashioned heart not to give his blessing.. of course he doesnt get a SAY, its more the tradition of it)

THAT SAID, SO and I have had perfectly frank conversations that I want to get married, and soon. Occasionally if he says something that sounds like “we’ll be together foreveR” all talk and no action I just dance and hum the single ladies song at him… I wouldn’t call this a “hint” so much as a “reminder”. 

It sounds like your SO is planning on proposing though, so you don’t really need to hint anymore, or use social media to make him feel guilty about it. You just need to wait it out (especially if you want it the old fashioned way)

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