(Closed) Inapproriate relationship between fiance' and his ex

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 31
2320 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Don’t get married in any hurry. 30 days, 6 months, a year etc is not a guarantee that he will never correspond with her again. Some friendships/feelings can stay dormant for a long time. 

If possible, break off the engagement also. You can always get engaged later to him or anyone else. No harm done there. The reason for this is so that you can feel truly free from this relationship. 

I know your children are emotionally invested in him. But more so than him, they are closest to you. If you feel sad or angry, they will pick up on it and feel twice as bad as you, for you. You are their mom after all. Don’t drag your kids through that kind of emotional roller coaster.


Post # 32
4509 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I am 100% in favor of platonic opposite sex friendships. I have a few close guy friends; Darling Husband has some good girl friends.

That said, they’re only acceptable, in my opinion, if they’re fully platonic on both sides. If I felt attracted to one of my guy friends or one of them revealed an attraction to me, creating an emotional distance from that person would be the only appropriate response.

The minute she told him she still had feelings from you was the minute your Fiance should have pulled away and restricted contact… if he’s willing to truly to do that now, then it’s a lesson learned for him and I think you can regain trust in him over time. If he won’t do it even now, then I’m not sure the trust will ever be there again. 

Post # 33
836 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I’ve been in a similar situation.  My now Fiance had this one friend girl who would not leave him alone.  They had hooked up before, just once (well, one night, but 4 times in that one night).  For that fact alone, I did not like her communicating with him.  And I regularly voiced it.  We’d always run into her at brunch, so she knew I was with him.  One Valentine’s day night  at like 2 am, he was sleeping on the couch (he was having back problems and it was easier on him to sleep there).  I heard him talking, so I muted the TV in our room, walked to the door, and listened.  Low and behold, it was her.  I gave him many options the next day to tell me.  I asked who he was talking to, he’d tell me he was playing his computer game.  We had a HUGE fight over it that night, when I was drunk and brought it up.  It took the huge fight for him to finally understand that it was disrespectful to me, and I didn’t like it.  He doesn’t talk to her anymore, and when we see her at brunch, he sits his back to her so she doesn’t see him and come hug him.

I would definately tell your Fiance your exact feelings, hold nothing back.  Tell him the situation is making you consider walking out.  Ask him how he would feel if he was in your shoes.  If he doesn’t cut her out of his life, he doesn’t respect you enough, and you deserve someone who does.

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