Include both future sister-in-laws in wedding party?

posted 4 months ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
Member
2047 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

I think that you need to ask both if you are going to ask one. Think of it as a growing/learning experience. My husband had both of my brothers and I had his sister in the wedding party. It allowed all of us to get to know eachother so much better! (Both good and bad!) 

Post # 18
Member
2078 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Ask them both. It will be a personal affront to the sister who is not choosen. Unless you have a very good reason not to ask one of them, I would make this gesture for the sake of your future family. I wouldn’t have considered asking only one of my SILs (although mine are married to each other rather than siblings, but the point is the same).

Post # 20
Member
73 posts
Worker bee

You should have neither or both, but I’d recommend having both.  Leaving one of them out could be very hurtful to your future husband’s whole family and could make both of them turn on you.

I would wait until at least summer of 2020 before asking anyone though.

Post # 20
Member
620 posts
Busy bee

Don’t ask anyone until atleast mid 2020, so much can happen in 6months between friends/SIL’s etc

I know I am a rando on the internet, but trust me on this one. 

Post # 21
Member
542 posts
Busy bee

mimivac :  

Great advice. 

I know a couple who left one sibling out of their wedding party. To add insult to injury, the couple chose cousins and friends to stand up for them. The excluded sister got along famously with her brother and his fiancée before this. The excluded sister stopped speaking to the couple and she isn’t attending the wedding either. Sadly, the groom’s parents are on the excluded sister’s side and they are livid with their FDIL. 

I’m only telling you this story to illustrate how wedding party exclusions can cause huge rifts. 

Post # 22
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I would err on the side of including them both. My sister-in-law got married last fall, and although I thought we were pretty close, she didn’t include me in the wedding party. I was really hurt. I suspect it was because she was in a similar situation — her other sister-in-law is not a nice person and isn’t close in age to us, so she didn’t want to include me and have to include her. 

Post # 23
Member
2527 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I would most likely include them both, but don’t ask anyone two years in advance. I would wait until 6-9 months before. 

Post # 24
Member
215 posts
Helper bee

My SIL regretted making her decision too quickly.. and her wedding was only a year away at the time. Who she chose as her maid of honour wasn’t really there for her and she was flakey through the whole process. She doesn’t even talk to her anymore (different reasons). She wishes she chose her other friend. I know its a bit different of a scenario but just wait and see what happens. 🙂  

Post # 25
Member
736 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: London, UK

I think it’s fine to ask the people you’re 100% sure about now, but I would hold out till nearer the time to ask his sisters. You might become a lot closer to them between now and then, or maybe you won’t. But either way it will likely be a lot easier way to make the decision nearer the time.

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