Post # 1
So I’m in the final stages of working on my invites and I’m trying to figure out the wording. Both my fiance’s parents and my dad are paying for most of the wedding. My mom has been deceased for over 5 years. My dad has not remarried, but has been involved with a woman for 2 years.
So do I include my moms name on the invite or should I just mention her in the ceremony program? I’m leaning towards not putting her name on the invite but I wanted to get everyone’s advice.
Post # 3
How does your dad feel about it?
If you don’t feel like it’s that important for the invite, leave if off.
My father is deceased, and I know it would be an honor for my mother (and me) to add him to the invite. I’m paying for the wedding, but I want to be "daughter of…" on the invitation.
Post # 4
im going to say no to adding the deceased persons name to the invite because i dont see how a dead person can invite anyone to a event – dont mean to sound blunt but i couldnt figure out a nice way to put that in words
i can only imagine at the wedding people may ask "where is your mum" and then to be told they are deceased might be a bit awkward or if the guest knows your parent has passed on they might feel funny receiving an invite with their name on it (i would fall in this category)
maybe you can honor your mother during the service in some way
either way – its your wedding so you remember her however you wish – goodluck!
Post # 5
I don’t believe you are supposed to include a deceased person on an invitation, since it’s not possible for them to host the wedding. I also think it’s a bit of a downer in something that is supposed to be a very happy occasion. Maybe include them in the program?
Post # 6
I struggled with the same decision (my fiance’s mom passed away last year) about whether a deceased person should be listed on the invitation. It was something he felt was important, so even if it were a breach of etiquette, we decided add her name. As in, "son of … and … ". But to make it clearer that she is no longer with us, we added a small cross in superscript after her name. Maybe that’s another option for you?
But really it comes down to whether you want her name there, or whether someone closely involved (i.e. your dad or your fiance) feels strongly about it.
Post # 7
I’ve seen invites which have read "daugther/son of Mr A Smith and the late Mrs B Smith" would something like that work for you? I was a bridesmaid last year for a friend whose mother sadly passed away right after the invites were written – they kept the invite wording as originally printed, but added an insert to honor her mother.
Go with whatever you and your father feel most comfortable with a short note in your ceremony program would be just as appropriate I think.
Post # 8
Specialist Sierra’s father passed away years ago and I DO want to include his name on the invitation-it’s just that parents are a monumental part of our lives and on such a big day I think they deserve recognition for everything that they did for us in general-to get to that point, regardless of their ability to attend physically.
Post # 9
well she was your mom–you should do what feels comfortable to you nobody can ever replace a mom
the other alternative is to put a little in memoriam in the back of your program; or leave an extra spot in the ceremony and a flower on it in remembrance of your mom at the ceremony; or have a candle lit for your mother at the foyer with her name saying you wished she could have been here; or include a picture during your slideshow or mention her during your speech
many different ways to remember her without casting a dark shadow
Post # 10
- Wedding: October 2009 - Ceremony: The Kraine Theatre, Reception: Midtown Loft & Terrace
I agree with others who’ve said that I wouldn’t include her name on the program because she won’t be hosting, but definitely honor her in the program or during the ceremony! I’ve seen people do the single rose thing to honor loved ones and it’s beautiful.
Post # 11
I am dealing with the same exact situation, except that it’s my Dad who is deceased. I thought about including his name on the invite…but decided to honor him in the program instead. I want to honor him in every way I can, but I want to keep the tone of the day happy…starting with the invitation. I want people to open our invitations, and be excited and happy….not to read the line about my Dad and feel sympathy for us….if that makes any sense. Hugs to you though because I know how hard it is to be getting married knowing that one of your parents won’t be there…it’s really, really tough. Hugs!!
Post # 12
Just wanted to add that I completely understand and respect the decision of those who do want to include a deceased relative’s name on the invitation itself. You have to do whatever feels right to you 🙂 It’s such a personal decision!
Post # 13
My mom is also deceased and I too thought about including her on the invitation. There is a correct way to do so where it does not come across as if the deceased person is hosting. You would just write, "daughter of Mr. Fathers Name and the late Mrs. Mothers Name". Including the word "late" makes it clear. I got that wording from both Emily Post and Martha Stewart etiquette books I flipped through at B&N.
That being said, I decided not to include her on the invite but instead to mention her in the program. I’m also thinking about having a picture of her in a frame on one of the side tables that just says "in loving memory" but I haven’t fully decided on that yet. I might just stick to the program.
Post # 14
Technically, you aren’t supposed to include a dead person on the invitiation since they can’t be hosting the party. That isn’t to say you can’t do beautiful things to honor your mother during the ceremony and in the program. A good friend of mine had just lost her father a year before her wedding the rabbi mentioned him during the wedding ceremony and there was a mention of him in the program with a lovely quote. Best of luck. So, sorry you can’t share this with your mom.
Post # 15
You’ve got some good advice so far … but why not just write "Together with their families …" since both families are helping pay? And that can include your mother without calling her name out directly.
Post # 16
That’s exactly what we did…"Together with their families"