(Closed) Including a line about gay marriage in the ceremony

posted 8 years ago in Ceremony
  • poll: Are you including anything about marriage equality in your wedding?
    We're not even having a wedding until everyone is allowed to! : (0 votes)
    We will definitely draw attention to this issue in a big way : (0 votes)
    We're including a subtle plug at some point, but not making a big thing about it : (5 votes)
    11 %
    We're not saying anything, but we both believe in it - just think our wedding's not the place : (22 votes)
    49 %
    We're not saying anything because we don't support gay marriage : (8 votes)
    18 %
    Not an issue - I live in a country/state where gay marriage is already legal : (9 votes)
    20 %
    Other (really? did I leave something out?) : (1 votes)
    2 %
  • Post # 3
    1371 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I picked other because I live in Canada, and gay marriage is legal here.  I love the idea and think it’s great to put the line in there.  Maybe think of exactly what you’re saying and where you want to say it, and then come back to suggest it to your fiance.  Maybe if he hears how it sounds, he’ll change his mind.  Are you writing your own ceremony?

    Post # 4
    4770 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I never thought about doing it, I think now I would think about it, if I was getting married in a place where it is not allowed. I think to express your greatfulness for this right is great and touching.  I am not going to do this though casuse I’m getting married in the UK and it is allowed there so it seems out of place.

    Post # 5
    9824 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    To me, that would be something maybe you could say during a toast at the reception. Something like “We’re so thankful we are able to be here today, and we hope that someday soon everyone will be granted the same rights we now enjoy.”

    That way it sends the message without taking the focus off of YOUR vows or causing any kind of distraction during your ceremony.

    Post # 6
    979 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I think you should honor your FI’s wishes.  Its a good cause but he must feel like it takes away from the both of you.  Can you put it in your program or say something during the reception?

    Post # 7
    26 posts
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I think it’s a beautiful idea.  We’re having a quickie Elvis ceremony in Vegas, so I don’t see how we could fit it in, but if we were having readings or what have you, I would definitely want to include something, particularly since neither of us would be comfortable with quotes from the Bible.  To be honest, I still feel a little guilty having a wedding at all when so many others can’t.

    Are you having programs?  Maybe you could include a quote from the CA decision overturning Prop 8 or the MA decision regarding same-sex marriage that talks in a general way about the benefits of marriage, with a cite to the decision?  Maybe have it as one of several marriage-related quotes (i.e., you might also have one or two literary quotes along with it) on the back?  That way, you’re including it in a way your husband-to-be might find less abrupt, but you’re still, in some way, giving recognition to the issue.

    Post # 8
    10287 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I voted for “We’re not saying anything, but we both believe in it – just think our wedding’s not the place”. I am all for gay marriage but I don’t think our wedding is the place to broadcast it. 

    Post # 9
    1335 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    I totally think it should be the couple’s choice for what words they want to include in their vows and think it’s awesome that you want to mention equality in yours. But I do think you should respect your FI’s requests and find another place to include your shared thoughts. I think KatyElle gave a great suggestion. So good I think I actually may do the same thing! I’ll have to run it by Fiance first, but I think he’d be the type to be cool with us including any words about equality anywhere in our wedding–he’s very outspoken about civil rights 🙂

    Post # 11
    459 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2010

    We had a reading in our wedding from the court case that legalized same-sex marriage in Massachusetts. It was subtle enough that I thought that any relatives who aren’t so into gay marriage wouldn’t get what it was about, but also direct enough that my friends who support the cause would get it. The last line was something like “This is why civil marriage is a civil right,” which seems obvious to me, but I don’t think any of my older Catholic relatives understood what it referred to. That could be a possibility for you.

    Post # 12
    2829 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Live in Canada so it is not a concern for me really as we have attained that equality.

    I agree with the suggestions given by @KatyElle:  & @Golden139:

    Post # 13
    1314 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2016

    I wish I could say something about gay marriage at our wedding. But, most of FI’s family (including FI) are crazy conservative and would flip out. Our hometown is also one of the most conservative places ever. 🙁 So sad.

    Post # 14
    14494 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I am with you FH on this one. I don’t think that it helps the cause to make people who are against it uncomfortable at your wedding, they are your guests. It helps the cause more to give money, talk to your congressman and state legislatures, and make sure that you show up in support at rallies.

    Post # 15
    2465 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    we both believe in it, but didn’t ask the rabbi to say anything during our Jewish ceremony, which was very personal. but we did marry in DC, where it had just been legalized.

    we also had originally made our wedding website through wedding channel, which has an option for the registry that they make a donation to a charity for every purchase made off our registries. we chose HRC, which does a lot of advocacy around gay marriage. our website then said, “With each gift purchased off the couple’s registry through WeddingChannel.com, we will make a donation to the couple’s favorite charity Human Rights Campaign Foundation,” so we did draw attention to it in that way. (we also had a charity registry for other organizations too, with different causes)

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