(Closed) Including a no gift phrase on invitations for out of towners?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
13248 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

No, alluding to gifts on an invitation at all isn’t okay (because then in your case, it seems like you’re expecting gifts, especially from the in-town guests).  Can you ask Fiance or his parents to maybe spread the word that “their presence is their present” or something?  I just think it’s in bad taste to say anything about gifts on invitation at all, ever.

Post # 4
Member
4518 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@abbie017:  agreed.

OP, just have folks spread the word casually. Remember some guests may WANT to buy you a gift, even if they are traveling a long way. Best not to dictate their behavior on the invitation (even when you have good intentions).

Post # 5
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I typically hate when people tell me to not gift… however – I did just receive a casual invitation to a b’day; it was very simple and at the bottom it stated:  Your presence is a gift.

I LOVED that – because it wasn’t too wordy: ie: we have all we need, blah blah blah, please don’t buy us anything… etc.

Post # 6
Member
3267 posts
Sugar bee

No not ok. It doesn’t matter the circumstances of the wedding. This is for a few reasons;

-it implies that if not for the gracious hosts’ reprieve, gifts were otherwise mandatory.

-it rejects gifts before they are even given of people who have picked out something they think you will like. You already told them no matter what it wasn’t appreciated or wanted.

-it never ever works and then you are left with a weird hybrid of people who have followed your request and those that got a gift anyway. Then the people who followed what you said will feel bad when they see the gifters leaving gifts.

Let people decide for themselves if/what they choose to gift you.

Post # 7
Member
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I agree with PP’s… leave it off the invite, and then your fiance can tell his family that they should not feel obligated to give a gift (“no gifts” is a little harsh in my opinion, and could be rejecting of people who would enjoy giving you one). I know that might not be 100% etiquette-approved, but I really don’t understand what is impolite about saying to someone, on what most people would consider a gift-giving occasion, “I am incredibly appreciative of the effort you are making to attend our wedding, so please do not feel that you are obligated to give us anything else in addition.” I don’t see how that implies that you would otherwise have expected a gift, because the point is that you are saying you do NOT expect a gift.

Post # 8
Member
1598 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with tactfully saying you would prefer there to be no gifts.
I don’t think it’s implying that you’re assuming guests SHOULD bring gift or anything like that.

And if people are THAT hell bent on giving you a gift, they’re going to bring it no matter what, so I don’t think they’d be offended.

When my friend’s sister got married the 2nd time, it was a very casual and small ceremony and they had a big picnic reception. The invite said, “We want your presence, not your presents” with a cute little smiley face.
I chuckled and thought it was adorable, and gave them a card.
Some close relatives did bring gifts but it’s not like the couple kicked those guests out or tossed the gifts in the trash.

It’s your wedding, do whatever you’d like! There’s always going to be someone who doesn’t like something. Can’t fuss over everyone. Smile 

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